18 Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (March 31, 2019)

  • 1
    twitter post I'm not sure what I'll do when my kids are smart enough to understand that Nickelodeon doesn't stop working when the game is on.
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  • 2
    twitter post Instead of saying, "Good night, mommy," my kid said, "Rest in peace, mommy," and now I'm a little afraid to go to sleep.
  • 3
    twitter post sent my 1yo to get me toilet paper and she came back with a mask and a cape. I don't think she understands the severity of this situation, or maybe she does...
  • 4
    twitter post [watching Seasame Street] Daughter: dada why is big bird so big? Me: because he ate all his vegetables. Daughter: oh Me: if you eat all your vegetables you can be big like big bird. Daughter: [whispers] not worth it.
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  • 5
    twitter post 5 min: we're leaving soon. Is everyone ready? Kids: yup! 3 min: get everything you need! Kids: ok! O min: let's go Kid 1: where's bun-bun!!! Kid 2: I can't find my shoes! Kid 3: ** explosive diarrhea **
  • 6
    twitter post No one: My toddler with eyes still closed at 5:45am: "I want some donuts"
  • 7
    twitter post Friend: I'm training for a half marathon, have 3 toddlers at home, I'm an award winning attorney, and just finished a Whole30 Me: Cool cool cool. Sometimes I don't repackage the meat before I put it in the freezer, because it's too much work.
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  • 8
    twitter post You think you're going to be the most patient, grounded, and accommodating parent ever, but then your kid asks you the same question at increasing volume 500 times in a row and you find yourself questioning the very fabric of reality.
  • 9
    twitter post Think you're laid back and easygoing? Let a toddler pour their own drink.
  • 10
    twitter post Kids have a way of making you experience your youth all over again. Like when I'm watching my 3 year-old take an hour to eat a banana, I think back to my younger years without kids.
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  • 11
    twitter post An hour into day one and I was already wondering how we were going to make it out of spring break alive. Then my kid found a recorder and I know. We're not.
  • 12
    twitter post Before kids: friend calls at 9pm to meet for drinks at 9:15. I'm out the door in 5 After kids: friend calls in December to make plans for March. I obsess for months over cost of sitter, being up late and having to put on real pants. Day comes, neither of us want to go.
  • 13
    twitter post One day my kids will be grateful they have a mom who woke them up by blasting "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" at 6:45AM to kick off a dance party with her sweet, sweet moves, but apparently today is not that day.
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  • 14
    twitter post "Mommy, theses little nerf guns don't shoot very far" Me, turning around to see an entire box of tampons deployed: WHAT
  • 15
    twitter post Husband: Don't the kids have swimming tonight at 6? Me: It's at 7 H: Oh, I was close. Me: Yeah, the season ended 3 weeks ago
  • 16
    twitter post I am hiding but 5yo forgot she was seeking and this is now the best day ever
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  • 17
    twitter post Giving your toddler a box of Kleenex to pull the tissues out so you can buy time to finish dinner yields approximately 30 seconds of eating. 0/10 do not recommend
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