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01
“My boyfriend’s sister invited us to her wedding. I was trying to find out about the decorations for the celebration so I could choose an appropriate dress.”
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02
“When my husband asked where the markers were, I should have been more suspicious...”
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03
"She never told him the truth. He still thinks wistfully of that amazing, magical soap dispenser they had once."
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04
"Hot glue bowls I found at my boyfriend’s house"
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05
He knows his way around his wife...
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06
“My wife let me nerd out for my son’s newborn session so I present to you Lord Hamish of House Shirley, first of his name.”
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07
Dad: “No you are not allowed to bring that dirty stray in. Imagine all the diseases it’s carrying. Absolutely not and that’s final.”
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08
“Asked my boyfriend to close up the chip bags...”
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09
“My wife is decorating with moss for spring, so I added Moss Man. Think she’ll notice?”
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10
When you know what your opponent is going to do next:
"Follow up: he said now he won't make it me because then he'll look like a bitch who caved. It's his dog. She is very cute"
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11
“Husband broke my mixer years ago.”
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12
“Went to the bank today to cash a check, needless to say my boyfriend got bored. He’s a keeper.”
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13
“My husband and I are trying to get healthier, so he put up motivational signs around the house. This is now what I see before I open the fridge.”
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14
When you heard that dry shampoo existed but didn’t know anything else about it.
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15
“My boyfriend draws faces in the vegetables and fruits that I bought but forgot to eat.”
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16
“My husband had these set up on the counter for me and said ‘It’s your early Valentine’s Day gift. Don’t ever say I didn’t get you flowers.’ This is why I married him.”
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17
“My husband cuts the pizza so he doesn’t slice through a pepperoni.”
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18
“A few months ago, my friends and I got our photos taken at JC Penny Studios. Today, we put it up on a billboard in our hometown.”
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19
“My boyfriend and I had our first baby in December, and this is what I came home to for Valentine’s Day.”
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20
“My wife absolutely hates with a deep-seated passion, Nicholas Cage.”
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21
“Brotherly love... Every year my twin and I go to the bank, withdraw a $100 bill, give it to each other, and then deposit it back. The tellers love it and we have done it every year since we were 15. Happy 39th bro!”
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22
“This Chapstick that my boyfriend just bit into...”
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23
“It’s 1:30 a.m. and my boyfriend just shot a cockroach with a dart gun... didn’t use a shoe, oh no, that would’ve been too casual.”
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24
"He attempted to crack a walnut with his bare hands."
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