10+ People Reveal Their Dark Wishes For The Douchebag Genie

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mattstaff
Jun 21, 2019 12:00 AM EDT

People took things to ridiculous heights when they went and dreamt up what kinds of wishes they'd ask the Douchebag Genie! 

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  • 01
    dark wishes - Text - ? Visit Community r/AskReddit 5 /(deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 4:50 AM You've been granted one wish by the Douchebag Genie. He takes advantage of people's poor wording when making wishes to screw them over. What do you wish for? 17.0k Comments t 62.0k
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  • 02
    dark wishes - Text - Johnnydayy Oct 1, 2018, 8:03 AM I want to have a lot of money 4.2k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 8:09 AM You are crushed to death by 100 billion pennies. 7.1k
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  • 03
    dark wishes - Text - Jakiboy1234 Oct 1, 2018, 8:30 AM I want to be a main character in the office, for all 9 seasons... 1.3k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 9:35 AM You're Toby. Everyone hates you 2.9k
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  • 04
    dark wishes - Text - Ptee92. Oct 1, 2018, 4:56 AM World peace 11.0k Oct 1, 2018, 4:58 AM [deleted] Everyone in the world is now dead. 26.0k Ptee92 Oct 1, 2018, 5:00 AM Perfect, thanks! 11.9k
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  • 05
    dark wishes - Text - Kaelis64 Oct 1, 2018, 7:51 AM The ability and understanding to use and create magic like him with nothing I would consider a drawback. 7.6k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:57 AM You're offered job writing magic item descriptions for Dungeons and Dragons. Not the worst fate, honestly a 12.6k
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  • 06
    dark wishes
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  • 07
    dark wishes
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  • 08
    dark wishes - Text - emuatemydingo Oct 1, 2018, 6:27 AM A regular and seemingly empty backpack, that whenever I reach into it, I can pull out an unlimited supply of wads of U.S $100 bills that are legal tender. The money also weighs nothing when in the backpack. 3.2k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 6:34 AM Granted. The bills are superglued together however and are destroyed when you try to separate them. On the upside you do get lots of compliments on your David Hasselhoff bag wherever you go 5.2k
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  • 09
    dark wishes - Text - KisaTheMistress Oct 1, 2018, 7:20 AM I wish I was a Shape-shifter that could change into any form at will, real or imagined, painlessly and gained the abilities of whatever I shape-shifted into! 5.8k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:22 AM You have been transported as a character into this cool new video game you have described. 7.1k
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  • 10
    dark wishes - Text - theonlydidymus Oct 1, 2018, 6:09 AM "I wish for you to no II longer be such a douche." Maybe I can make life better for the next guy that meets him. 15.3k Oct 1, 2018, 6:16 AM [deleted] Genie is now 0000000001% less of a douche. 25.2k ijustmadethis1111 Oct 1, 2018, 6:56 AM hmm let's test out the new and improved genie. I wish for $1 billion dollars. 9.5k [deleted]
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  • 11
    dark wishes - Text - OmegaGamerOW Oct 1, 2018, 8:03 AM I wish i never have an asthma attack or any lung illness ever again 11.9k Oct 1, 2018, 8:08 AM [deleted] You immediately die. 22.3k Jumbobie Oct 1, 2018, 9:53 AM Of oxygen poisoning. Lungs work too well. 4.3k
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  • 12
    dark wishes - Text - deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:12 AM I wish that at my own will, I can cause others to be unable to see me, at no damage to myself, or cause them to be able to again, again at no damage to myself see me 5.4k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:17 AM You're now capable of texting anyone in the world pictures of you... and the ability to remove said pictures from their phones. 7.7k
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  • 13
    dark wishes - Text - PM_ME_UR_STONED_FACE Oct 1, 2018, 6:07 AM I wish for a turkey sandwich ... on rye bread ... with lettuce and mustard. And . and! I don't want any zombie turkey, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it? 11.3k Antique
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  • 14
    dark wishes - Text - Oct 1, 2018, 7:41 AM raj-Mocha perfect memory recall 3.8k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:49 AM You're given a new copy of the DVD "Total Recall" but the shitty one with Colin Farrell. 7.2k raj-Mocha Oct 1, 2018, 7:59 AM Eh, could be worse. Thanks genie <3 420
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  • 15
    dark wishes - Text - Nai75 Oct 1, 2018, 7:33 AM I wish douchebag genie at his douche ness together. was my best friend, so we can laugh 13.0k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:42 AM Douchebag genies dog. You are nOW 25.9k
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  • 16
    dark wishes - Text - brownbagginit13 Oct 1, 2018, 8:17 AM 1$ 1.4k Oct 1, 2018, 9:17 AM [deleted] $1 in Monopoly money. 2.7k brownbagginit13 Oct 1, 2018, 10:06 AM Well its more than I had before I guess 663
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  • 17
    dark wishes - Text - SoLongGayBowser Oct 1, 2018, 4:52 AM To have and maintain the fitness and ability I had in my body when I was 22 until I die. 14.1k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 4:55 AM You can never grow stronger, faster, grow muscles or improve your conditioning, because that would violate the wish 18.1k SoLongGayBowser Oct 1, 2018, 4:57 AM I'll take it. Thanks douchebag genie
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  • 18
    dark wishes - Text - rocknin Oct 1, 2018, 7:58 AM the working lamp of a genie who isn't a douchebag and will grant me 3 wishes 6.5k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 8:03 AM Granted. Unfortunately that lamp is buried a mile deep in a lost treasure trove. It will take at least 10,000 years before its discovered. But you do have a nice certificate of ownership. 11.2k
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  • 19
    dark wishes - Text - OmegaGamerOW Oct 1, 2018, 7:54 AM Genie I wish I can think of a wish 8.1k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 8:00 AM You think of the perfect wish to fool the genie in every way. But you're out of wishes. 16.7k
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  • 20
    dark wishes - Text - Painting_Agency Oct 1, 2018, 7:59 AM "I wish the Douchebag Genie had two assholes on his face". Best case, the genie now defecates from his face. Worst case, two enormously unpleasant people are now sitting on his face. At least momentarily amusing, and nobody dies, especially me. 9.2k Oct 1, 2018, 8:06 AM [deleted] You and your mom are now permanently attached to my face
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  • 21
    dark wishes - Text - SUCKLE_LORD Oct 1, 2018, 7:16 AM I wish to shit my pants 10.6k Oct 1, 2018, 7:20 AM [deleted] You shit your pants moments after your death. 18.0k cosmic_serendipity Oct 1, 2018, 9:49 AM What if instead he literally shit out his pants? Feel like that's more literal 2.9k
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  • 22
    dark wishes - Text - BlueWhaleKing Oct 1, 2018, 7:48 AM I wish that the entire world would explode into a 10,000 degree C fireball that tears it into a billion trillion pieces right now! 2.8k [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 7:56 AM You're transported 100 billion years into the future. Humanity has moved on safely from Earth. You're standing in Kansas when the sun detonates. 6.1k
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  • 23
    dark wishes - Text - redlonk1 . Oct 1, 2018, 8:18 AM To own a time traveling space ship 569 utakirorikatu Oct 1, 2018, 9:05 AM you now own the very first time traveling spaceship. you haven't the faintest how it works, however. 957 [deleted] Oct 1, 2018, 9:19 AM Genie approves 961
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  • 24
    dark wishes - Text - LadyEmry Oct 1, 2018, 7:26 AM The ability to get my life together. That'd be nice 11.2k Oct 1, 2018, 7:30 AM [deleted] You're given a roll of duct tape to put back your copy of the board game "Life" back together after your boyfriend crushed it while leaving you for a much prettier and younger woman. 24.0k
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askreddit genie ridiculous wish funny
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