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Dad Drives Off Jehovah's Witnesses By Inviting Them In and Getting Hammered

Sometimes it's a Saturday and you just want to relax without anyone evangelizing to you. Things started off polite, but after having his door knocked on a third time, this guy thought that he should be more bold and really weird them out. And it worked. When dads aren't making dad jokes they're getting epic dad revenge.

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    Text - r/ProRevenge Posted by u/Feenox 2 8 hours ago Try to convert not once, not twice, but thrice? I think not My Dad is a pretty easy going guy, usually pretty calm, but like everyone else he has the potential to blow up at someone if they kept at him enough. This was in the early 90's. I was playing in the front yard and a couple people came up and asked if my parents were at home. I nodded, pointed toward the bottom door, and they knocked. These guys were Jehova's Witnesses, and it was my f
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    Text - Gotta put it out there that neither my Father, nor I, have issues with the Witnesses. We aren't a really religious family at all, but to each their own. When my dad came to the door he was still in work clothes from yard work, maybe a little tired. He told the guys he wasn't interested. It wasn't a super courteous reaction, but it wasn't rude either. It just seemed like something he didn't feel like dealing with
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    Text - Flash forward an hour later: Two other young men show up at the house. My dad was in his robe at this point. The robe was like his fucking uniform for not doing shit. Once the yardwork was done, it was time to watch golf and relax. He went down into his cave and that was it. Now there was a knock on the door, and my dad (mom was out of the house) had to deal with it. He was very matter of fact with the people, it sounded like a lecture at this point.
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    Text - "Listen guys, you gotta coordinate a little bit more, you've already been here once today. Do you know you're going over the same area that someone else did? This is my Saturday. I'm just trying to relax." They apologized quickly and left, skipping our neighbors in the process. Lets head 3 more hours into the future: There was a third knock on the door. I could hear my dad coming up from the basement. "Son. of. a. bitch!". He opened the door and the two young men started in with their pit
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    Text - To paint a picture of my dad's basement, he had his home office on the left, on the right was a den area with a lazy boy, or the sofa for the extra lazy. It was about 4 in the afternoon now. He pointed to the sofa and turned the lazy boy around to face them, like some sort of middle class godfather type. He reached into his robe as they sat down across from him, eager to tell him all about their mission. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered it to the men.
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    Text - "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't smoke." "As a people?" "Correct." "Welp, let's call that strike one." My dad started chain smoking camels until the whole basement was hazy. "Please, continue."
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    Text - This made them uncomfortable, but they continued. After another ten minutes my father excused himself, came back with a bottle of cheap scotch and three glasses. Apparently Witnesses CAN drink alcohol, but these guys weren't having any. They politely refused, but they were getting nervous. Meanwhile my dad started slamming scotch like it was bottled water, and the Witnesses kept on with the witnessing.
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    Text - At this point my dad was no longer acting drunk. He was drunk "You guys wanna see something pretty neat?" "Ummmm" My dad walked over to a padlocked closet by his office. He unlocked it and started removing guns and stacking them on his desk. "How in the hell do you lose a live grenade, oooh, I think I see it."
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    Text - "Thank you for you time sir!" They got up and showed themselves out the door. My dad had a chuckle about it and then passed out on the couch I got the majority of the story at dinner, while my dad was explaining to my mom why he was "flushed" so early in the evening. I would get other bits of the story as I got older. My parents lived at that house another 15 years before moving, and they never had another Jehova's Witness show up again in all that time.
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