42 People Share Their Greatest Dad Jokes

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Aug 7, 2019 10:00 PM EDT

They go by many names: dad jokes, groaners, dumb puns, just awful, etc. Anyway, we love stupid dad jokes in all their forms and will jump at any opportunity to hear these nuggets of simple, terrible genius. This reminds us that we probably need to call our dads..

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  • 01
    dad joke - Text - Fleurdelis502 31.9k points 1 day ago edited At the park with my girls: "Dad, can go play?" Me: "sure, just stay away from those trees over there" Girls: " umm...ok, why?" Me: "I don't know...they look a little shady to me." Good for producing eye rolls
    via AskReddit
  • 02
    dad joke - Text - ManOfLaBook 20.8k points 1 day ago .edited Dad: Look at that flock of cows over there Kids: A HERD of cows. Dad: Of course I heard of cows, there is a flock of them right over there. Note: pulled that joke successfully a few times, and my kids even did it to their summer camp instructor.
    via AskReddit
  • 03
    dad joke - Text - Vlaed 9.4k points 1 day ago Why do graveyards have gates? Because people are dying to get in. My Dad always told it passing a graveyard.
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  • 04
    dad joke - Text - akaShadezz11 9.2k points 1 day ago .edited "I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back."
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  • 05
    dad joke - Text - Jantra 8.5k points 1 day ago 2 S I had a terrible day yesterday. As I was walking home, a man in a wheelchair stole my camouflage jacket! As he was wheeling away, I shouted after him, "you can hide but you can't run!"
    via AskReddit
  • 06
    dad joke - Text - Moleskin21 19.2k points 1 day ago 2 I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
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  • 07
    dad joke - Text - damndingashrubbery 8.5k points 1 day ago I havent been to the gym in so long Ive gone back to calling it James
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  • 08
    dad joke - Text - Hkatsupreme 36.5k points 1 day ago S 6 Dad putting car in reverse Dad: Ahh, this takes me back
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  • 09
    dad joke - Text - ProtectedCesc 6.0k points 1 day ago e What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
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  • 10
    dad joke - Text - ticklemypickle19 4.9k points 1 day ago Anyone can get buried when they die, if you want to be cremated you have to urn it
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  • 11
    dad joke - Text - Achiles_Heals 4.5k points 1 day ago edited 6 "If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?" Asked by one of the guys at a volunteer event to a Sheriff.
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  • 12
    dad joke - Text - llcucf80 4.1k points 1 day ago edited 23 he Wife to husband, "I'm pregnant," Husband to wife, trying to be funny, "hi pregnant, I'm dad." Wife, "no you're not."
    via AskReddit
  • 13
    dad joke - Text - bdoz138 17.8k points 1 day ago Not a joke in the traditional sense but, when I'm at a restaurant and the waitress says "Do you wanna box for that?" I always reply with "No, but I'll wrestle you for it." No one ever gets it but it makes me laugh. And that's the point, right?
    via AskReddit
  • 14
    dad joke - Text - aworldwithoutshrimp 7.1k points 1 day ago A magician was walking down the street. Then, he turned into a grocery store.
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  • 15
    dad joke - Text - pwningprincess 3.2k points 1 day ago S Dad: "Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees"
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  • 16
    dad joke - Text - Captain-Yesh 14.5k points 1 day ago "Would you like the milk in the bag?" Dad: "No thanks, you can keep it in the carton."
    via AskReddit
  • 17
    dad joke - Text - Sjkxism 6.6k points 1 day ago edited 15 hours ago Dad at lunch Dad "do you have anything cheap cuz I'm not that hungry" Waiter "well maybe the chicken strips for $6" Dad "well maybe it does but that doesn't help my hunger" dad in the background "good one"
    via AskReddit
  • 18
    dad joke - Text - kianr1 3.0k points 23 hours ago The only joke my dad ever uses: I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.
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  • 19
    dad joke - Text - IWill Cube 2.5k points 1 day ago S What's green, furry, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree onto you? A pool table
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  • 20
    dad joke - Text - PlushArtist 2.3k points 1 day ago "I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised"
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  • 21
    dad joke - Text - ispilledmymilka 2.2k points 1 day ago I hate thoose people who knock on your door and say you need to get "saved" or else you will "burn." Stupid firemen.
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  • 22
    dad joke - Text - Juan_spicy_boi 1.5k points 1 day ago What's brown and sticky? A stick
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  • 23
    dad joke - Text - TotteringPopcornHorf 1.4k points1 day ago Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction. Ah thank you
    via AskReddit
  • 24
    dad joke - Text - rickjameshoward 6.3k points 1 day ago S Every time my dad opens a fortune cookie, he gets a distressed look on his face and says, "it says 'help! I'm being held captive in a fortune cookie factory!' We have to help this person!" None of my siblings or I have ever fallen for it, but he's been doing it at least 30 years. Now he's got grandkids to try it on and I'm sure they won't fall for it either.
    via AskReddit
  • 25
    dad joke - Text - apgp123 1.2k points 1 day ago I lost 25% of my roof last night. oof.
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  • 26
    dad joke - Text - 1 day ago S 2 roman12325 14.0k points Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please Waiter: How do you like your eggs? Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
    via AskReddit
  • 27
    dad joke - Text - sillywabbittrix 2.9k points 1 day ago "I invented a new word today Plagiarism!"
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  • 28
    dad joke - Text - mbacke22 1.1k points 1 day ago Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
    via AskReddit
  • 29
    dad joke - Text - WhatAboutMason 965 points 1 day ago Someone broke in last night and stole all my anti-depressants. I hope they're happy.
    via AskReddit
  • 30
    dad joke - Text - Prestigious_Pringle 866 points 1 day ago Dad: Someone among us is an owl. Me: Who? Dad: *Narrows eyes suspiciously*
    via AskReddit
  • 31
    dad joke - Text - iceariina 747 points 23 hours ago S My dad, on seeing my friend for the first time after getting her gallbladder out "Oh I almost didn't recognize you without your gallbladder!"
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  • 32
    dad joke - Text - guyinAmerica1 470 points 23 hours ago do you know why I never trust stairs? Because they are always up to something
    via AskReddit
  • 33
    dad joke - Text - 23 hours ago moonpie57 468 points What does Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name
    via AskReddit
  • 34
    dad joke - Text - Sorry_Astronaut 455 points 1 day ago What's Harry Potter's favourite way to get down a hill? Walking. k, Rolling.
    via AskReddit
  • 35
    dad joke - Text - MoonBasic 2.8k points 1 day ago You know Orion's Belt? Big waist of space, huh? Didn't like that joke? That's okay...it's only got 3 stars
    via AskReddit
  • 36
    dad joke - Text - Cheese_Pancakes 11.9k points 1 day ago 2 Dad: "Nice shirt, is that felt?" Not Dad: "No." Dad: Reaches over and touches sleeve "It is now!"
    via AskReddit
  • 37
    dad joke - Text - Fo_eyed_dog 6.1k points 1 day ago You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree? Because they're very good at it.
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  • 38
    dad joke - Text - Blitz_does_shit 1.0k points 1 day ago Hey what does a pirate say when he's 80? Aye matey
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  • 39
    dad joke - Text - Krampus1313 720 points 1 day ago If a computer could sing what would it's name be? A dell
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  • 40
    dad joke - Text - sprinkles67 530 points 1 day ago Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
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  • 41
    dad joke - Text - Sonny_Boy_Slim 402 points 1 day ago 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down
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  • 42
    dad joke - Text - 1 day ago Xophlia 475 points Do your socks have holes in them? No. Then how'd you get your feet in them?
    via AskReddit

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Tags

terrible jokes dad jokes puns literal literalism lol dad funny stupid
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