Classic Stupid News Headlines to Start the Day Off Dumb

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Oct 29, 2019 4:00 PM EDT

We're not established journalists, but we think most of us could do a better job than these facepalm inducing headlines. It's too bad so much journalism is online now and can just be edited later. We miss stuff like these magazine layout fails. Sometimes news dumbness is on the reader's side, like these people who didn't understand satire.

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  • 01
    Poster - F RESCUE (0 RF RESC SURFRESC SUP RESA Coledale's Blake Johnson, pictured with his older sister Tara and mother Judy, is the youngest Surf Life Saving Club Captain in the history of the movement Think of a headline 56 pt bold headline WARREN JONES Blake said something needs to be done to keep people in their late teens at the club "I want to try and get youth and the nippers more active in the club and try and get Coledale back on the map," he said "It's just matter of keeping them when
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  • 02
    Text - Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee The Toronto Star 06/14/96
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  • 03
    Font - Wednesday 3 May 2006 8 Observer A nuclear explosion would be a disaster W A CHERNOBYL-style explosion at Oldbury nuclear by Lucy Parkinson
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  • 04
    Text - Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons Store Owner Arrested Previously By Brian Barber Wodd Stoff Wrder Federal agents c Monday On July 2, endercover nar- coties agents served a wa rat at Tao's hoee, to search zearched a south Talsa sn drugs They found a stoche hop ownrd by the maa who of land mines, hind gread officials allee bad krpt in dynamite and otber explo
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  • 05
    Text - MONDAY, APRIL27,2009 World Bank says poor need more money Rich nations called to task for crisis By DEB RIECHMANN THE ASSOCIATED PESS lmits for 78 of the poorest coun tries in an efort to meet the needs of developing nations harmed by WASHINGTON-The World the downurm
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  • 06
    Text - SUN Man kills himself and runs away!
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  • 07
    Text - Northfield plans to plan strategic plan Though it will probably take until will include hiring a facilitator, the end of the year to complete, which could be done as early as May The facilitator will work with the Development Director Dan Rogness EDA and community members to said the Economic Development develop a list of important growth in including medical services, Community Northfie1d Authority (EDA) is satisfied with its areas progress toward creating a strategic food processing and
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  • 08
    Text - Bridges help people cross rivers y MICHELLE DuEN To Do: r D Ope eit
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  • 09
    Text - JAY CRONLEY One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers T he other afternoon, a man and a woman came to my door
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  • 10
    Text - Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs bugs Anthracnose continues to c velop on many green ash, oak a maple trees. Small spots ar By Wayne Hansen Redwood Co. Extension Educator "I've got these bugs that look like ants with wings flying blotches are the typical sympto around my house. What are they and how do I get rid of them?" and are often accompanied defoliation. NOTE: Do not co
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  • 11
    Text - Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says Y DAVID KAVETS SAN FRANCICO
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  • 12
    Text - Page 48 SPL LATES Clydesdale Bank PHEMITS Fhgfhdf dfdffgfg fgfgfg fgfgfg By Scott McDermott UNDER-PRESSSURE Hibs boss Pat Fenlon believes Leigh Griffiths is being victimised by SPL refs after the striker was denied a penalty in their defeat to St Mirren The 1-0 loss in Paisley dragged the Hibees back into the relegation mire and they're just three points clear of Dunformlino at the bottom with three games to play Fenlon was pleased with his side's display and insists Griffiths should have
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  • 13
    Text - Gienrire Bee Wndernday Rebraary 2, 2011 www.lishoer.a Girls' schools still offering 'something special' - head Janone lls a sonisr c-4aadonal. Teantag to apaf 11 to 1 Priadgal Vicky eitor ef the Cod Schos the wcrt, interact andscal Tuck sad the prsof of a good Gauide sadd the allatrts tse wish members of both TEprincpl c Chelbenbam schonl sbod be ppis schools that have remsted seses sal part of tbe chal- RY LAURA VICKERS UCATION REPORTER oday odacass ateer as girts Lates Colege has descrb
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  • 14
    Text - Rooms with broken air conditioners are hot By H N Mmax TmS When teacher Shella Murphy opesed the door to her dnsroom Mondaymera gat Brace Drysdae Eenctary Scheel the blast of hot air inside fet Ske a oven ine these with non-air condtie twas 94 degree Morphy ieaches a secoataioed dass og unas in al dlassrccms, bot toe al of room for eencooly handicapped chil te These le eors dot afapt well to chunge or doractioes So aber godng lew misstes in the beary, they were returnod to the claecen whe
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  • 15
    Font - POLICE REPORT Man arrested for everything
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  • 16
    Text - The P C Survey finds fewer deer after hunt Metroperks shootin ay buve to ccntine hls wirter, officials sa Inte he art The aurvey a a he der anirsti n al d de the t p4r Clednd Mtrark der isa saat D Natt las cryel l th ye T Dt Md Aeral s There are an ntinutel n DNG The sdng f e e laled E Crvitnl Me wer aw in in De inrs Ant tr daet 11 APd the int PUnders a ert ntm ndy nnty m thal wed l ht ac tte Service l predt f er De park drv1 Ca e Ty Natial erdin AnA MIt th te v l wth he lirtof w. e a Ngh
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  • 17
    Text - The Back Page State population to double by 2040; babies to blame TOM PHILP Clatchy News Service SACRAMENTO- In their first tempt at projecting California opulation in the year 2040, offi- Enls Tuesday unveiled a future ate with twice as many people Area Counties Northern San Joaquin Valley counties with their 1990 Sopulations aprPINemecom
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  • 18
    Text - E SACRAMENTO 011 sacbee.com SACRAMENTO Homeless survive winter: Now what? ON FACEBOOK Mayor Kevin Johnson tells The Bee he is committed to establishing a SafeGround community. But City Council members remain wary of advocating for a project that likely would draw the ire of their constituents if it landed in their districts. Do you blame the NIMBY attitude? What if the location was near your home? Join the discussion on The Bee's Facebook page. Click the DISCUSSIONS link in the upper left
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  • 19
    Text - Most Earthquake Damage is Caused by Shaking The intensity of shaking that a building or structure will experience during an earthquake is highly variable, but generally depends on three main factors:
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  • 20
    Text - Miracle cure kills fifth patient By The Associated Presstenw dewrng the hr T at wite ws reaing the 4rug ws kng that in a YLA rheyethdy attaks th ery A 6AA alanter ded Tur ay frem an epensental drve aaiace cure Sor hep stis beyd medral walt the vapped taing i t thing lal ww.t l happen he Fise wng Aginglyhe ft ele wa trial r the le t ope earchers at the N t sates o Healt dst k A had a ho the deg P The drg Ftid. wked g et, the atady led seestiet Medica Cnter temaine thw, and Brees an Aug 4 t
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  • 21
    Text - Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf
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  • 22
    Font - WORLD IN BRIEF Greenland meteorite may be from space COPENHAGEN A meteorite which crashed intot Greenland last December may have come from outside our solar system.
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  • 23
    Font - BOURCE ES Missippi's literacy program shows improvement and his late wife Sally, pat up s100 million of their own mry to imarove "prelitera The Associated Press
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  • 24
    Newspaper - The Northwest CH The Hera Scientists to kill ducks to see why they're dying 2arve pd i povint to TOM e pt IN years dD ysewaider, Ma YDrO oolans MANy it TACOMA musoand tharabugewy wtyd D CS.h anNT W S c aders Henns nate hand O eing neiry s tharite b iZDThe wi n anaind Cenv tnig W r the reater The dyiark ducks e ut .c Thir mbers e Cectaing and OINE Why tgNariom eb afew the f n n are the eaty prin neathe A eding sh A ey Eeatya (arta Wwlto sit re photychi MChrs Hny The d Mahait the ma mE
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  • 25
    Text - We hate math, say 4 in 10 - a majority of Americans WASHINGTON-People in this country have a love-hate relationship with math, a favorite school subject for some but just a bad memory for many others, especially women. In an AP-AOL News poll as students head back to school, almost four in 10 adults surveyed said they hated math in school, a widespread disdain that complicates efforts today
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  • 26
    Text - THE ES I REGION Homicide victims rarely talk to police EY A
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  • 27
    Text - Pa0asin Ccmy tetes Outdoors Outdoors Outpost Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive Teeeday i y om and tanced over isss eyt e cone whee Bykin wp5yvem ol Tes,w oee cpre to v TV urica r a 1ey heb Ldeend e bo o ni »ww x, a. an l The peis n ealcesy bece e frre aa e d a T ne elivetp r rNlthe eer int averand or o Gd Ad teice iee by fei eus to bar su fa Th ase in A Inr Vnetaharye e cd epw oow and ae p ve eerr ele n ay mong nd afer eo1 And ol cchl ust wlo and u rnr pa ede al yumore Ny
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  • 28
    Text - ON TEENAGERS, ADULT: tatistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 Mary Ace Tededs, Roaicon state senotor from Cetorads Springs (contributed by Harry F Pamcec) MONDAY DECEMBER 1999
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  • 29
    Newspaper - Exclusive To All Newspapers DIANA WAS STILL ALIVE HOURS BEFORE SHE DIED A SERIES of previously un- seen CCTV images have revealed that Diana was alive and well before she was tragically killed in Paris, ten years ago. INSIDE Do you think Diana is dead? Or have you seen her in Morocco? Call now: 0900 000 0000. If not, call: 0900 000 0000. Calls cost (cont. p.94)
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  • 30
    Text - BAO UELIN i via The Assocind Press e The Chinese missile frigate Yulin fires an anti-surface gun battery last month during exercises with Singapore's navy in the South China Sea. Some analysts fear China is elevating its presence in the sea so it can conceal its submarines ASIA China may be using sea to hide its submarines re al to uld m m th d to nual and certainly not to furth- er militarize outposts in the South China Sea." The South China Sea - do th di th United States was easily U.
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