Ganglofmeister

(i saw my dad on icanhazcheezburger.com) Me: you're a 47 year old man looking at cat pictures D...

uncle(while drunk): i was once abducted by aliens you know. me(trying not to be annoyed): yeah? ...

Dad: We will always support you. No matter what. Unless they find a dead hooker in your car with ...

*watching Jeopardy! and Alex Trebek makes a joke on a difference between Canada and the US.* Me:...

Hot girl in Navy uniform walks by Dad: Do you know what they call girls in the Navy? Me (hardly...

*My dad was taking me and my friend to an anime convention* Me: Where's the building where the c...

(Doing the laundry) Me: Eww, dad's underwear. Dad: You know, when I go to the doctor and they ...

Me: My middle name is Allyn. A-l-l-y-n. My step mom: No. Its A-l-l-e-n. Me: I'm a girl. Its spe...

Dad: You know, eventually, like in the next 3 or 5 years, screw it, I'm getting a didgeridoo.

mom- do you have a strapless bra for your dress? me- no... sister- she can borrow mine. mom- i...

(Talking about Judgment Day) Me: Well, a lot of Catholics believe that animals don’t have souls....

drunk Grampa: I NEVER wore make up when I was your age!!

Mom(randomly): I remember the night you were conceived. Me: I don't want to hear this. Mom: It ...

Mom: Don't you want to go to the family Reunion? There will be lots of cute girls there! My brot...

(My Sicilian Grandmother after watching the Godfather for the very first time) Nonni: Those guys...

My Dad: What's a scene kid? Me: It's a stereotype. Like, you know, hipsters, emos, goths, preps,...

Dad: Remember, don't drink and drive. You might spill. Pull over, finish the drink, THEN you can ...

While taking a break from my English project, my dad says (in a Russian accent): "Quit Stalin', ...

(On our way to the YMCA, talking about it) Mom: So what machines are you guys gonna use? Me: Th...

Grandma: Look! Look! I don't know what it is but it looks like a boob! Me: Grandma! Uncle: Wow...

(while walking past a reenactment of the middle ages) dad: notice, that there is no fair maiden.

(I'm in my room, sorting coins, and I wanted to put them in the little rolls you see in cash regi...

My grandmother had a conversation with a total stranger, and informed her that she had six childr...

(My Dad is a minister) Dad: What do scooters and fat girls have in common? Me: What? Dad: All ...

You're probably familiar with the idiom about the inadvisability of "pissing into the wind." Empt...

Tip: When updating your CV, proof read it. You ideal job should read "one where I am free to expl...

If the hot cashier at Best Buy asks for your phone number when you're making your purchase, don't...

When staying on a Navy base, wearing an Army sweatshirt probably isn't going to make you too many...