Lunar_Guardian

Mum: Is the little chinese warrior statue we got you working? Is he protecting you? Me: Umm... ...

(Helping Grandma in the bathroom after she fractured her knee.) Mom: "This would be a lot easier...

Dad: I just took a huge poop. It must be at least a foot long. Come see.

Mom: It's not wet outside. Me: Yes it is. Mom: Only the wet bits. Me: Mom, it's raining. It's ...

(Dad complaining about my messy room) Me: Well I keep all that stuff on the floor to make sure n...

(Mom parallel parks on a street) Mom: Am I close enough to the curb? Me: (looks down out open...

Me: why are the sprinkles in the medicine cabinet? Dad: to confuse children Mom: they think it'...

Step-Dad and Mom: How many states are there? Me: What? Mom: I'm sure its 40ish Step-Dad: No, t...

Mom: What's with all the clothes on your floor? Me: I never have time to clean up. Mom: No, I t...

(When discussing what I should bring on my trip to the city) Dad: "Make sure you bring a photo I...

After getting back from Dr's office, the day before my dad's birthday: Me: It's official. I ha...

Mum: Shh... Can you here those voices Me: *silent for a moment* Nooo.... Mum: Shhh! I'm listeni...

*i walk into room* Mom: You can't just leave body parts in the dryer!

(Talking about a dog that had 13 puppies.) Mom: "Can you imagine having 13 babies on your nipple...

My Niece: Nanny, I can't find my balls My mom: Yeah, I know how that feels.

(When I got mono) Dad: Alex, Will, Jon, Vince, Jason... Mom: How are you going after them dear?...

(When talking about what we were doing for my husbands birthday) Me: I think we will have a lit...

Me: Can I have a glass of water, Mom? Mom: Do you want a plate or a fork? Me: ....

(Dad is lying on the floor of the front room) Dad: I'm gonna get me a biiiiiiiig sandwich. (get...

My grandma sitting on the couch with my dog. Mum: "The dogs aren't allowed on the couch mum." N...

my mom; I really don't like men in uniform me: Why? mom: Because they take my drugs me: ....-.-

(Being an only child) Me: How do you guys have so much extra money, I never see you go to work? ...

Mom: You're gonna start getting your Spanish and German mixed up. You'll be speaking sperman.

Me: Hey Dad, look at that sign. It's upside down! Dad: Yeah, I guess that means watch out for f...

(While on a long road trip, my brother and I were fighting in the back seat) Dad: I'm gonna pull...

Me: What are your false teeth doing in the kitchen? Dad: Minding their own business which is mor...

Dad's Girlfriend: Well, I guess you better take me home now. Dad: I'd rather you take me to bed ...

Me: I think I may be gay. Mom: Great! I'll have someone to go shoe shopping with me!

Me: So, umm, it doesn't bother you that I'm transgender? Dad: What? No, as long as you're not as...