dragontael

When you're helping your dad in the garden and he says "Get me the hoe," you shouldn't call your ...

When you meet your girlfriend's dad, make sure it's not at 3AM, and also make sure you don't have...

After having a baby that you choose to breastfeed, any crying child will cause your breasts to sp...

When you have a presentation early in the morning, make sure nobody has changed the background of...

[1] When picking up a dark object in the bedroom at night, consider that it might be a black cat....

If you're sitting next to a pretty girl in class & see a hair on the neckline of her v-neck shirt...

When at work for an 8 hour shift, do not take that cookie your co-worker offers you. It may be a...

Unless you want to become the laughing stock of three police departments, ALWAYS make sure your s...

if you work at a job that requires heavy lifting, especially in front of lots of customers, make ...

If, while trying to light a barbeque on the deck of a houseboat, you somehow end up with a burnin...

Make sure your husband really did lock the bedroom door, lest your 5 year old pop in at a *very* ...

If you are wearing a full face mask breathing apparatus then do not fart into the hose at the oth...

When bringing a chick over for the first time, when you bring her into your room make sure your d...

After a hot guy spends an hour helping you fix your car, don't back into his truck. #LFMF

Never assume the teapot contains only water. The 'eyelash' you find in the third cup is actually ...

Spell check does NOT catch the missing 'r' when you email your wife that "I spent the day under t...

Never ask your teenaged daughter if her gay friend "eats meat". Use the phrase "is a vegetarian"...

Never play videos of hungry, distressed kittens to a female cat. She thought I was sitting on and...

When your boyfriend is rehearsing for a play, don't tell your roommate that he is "Upstairs, doin...

When getting so angry at a video-game, you begin to scream death-threats that would make serial k...

Cleaning a switched-on electical outlet of dubious safety is an excellent way to test your pacema...

Fetus shaped cookies are not an appropriate treat to bring to a baby shower. No matter how twiste...

When referring to your boss as the "Spawn of Satan" in an email to a friend, make sure to delete ...

Before you accept that invitation from your girlfriend's brother to go out for a few (dozen) beer...

Never assume the friend staying in your spare room is asleep. He will jump out from behind a door...

If a platter of cooked salmon leaks some juice in the fridge, use paper towels to clean it up. B...

If an elderly dog dies, tell your small children that he died. Don't tell them, as my Mum told m...

Just because it looks like parmesean cheese, if it doesn't melt in the microwave it probably is s...

Informing your uber conservative inlaws that your 2 year old son loves mommy's make up so much, y...

Never tell your 12 year old daughter that she can get her navel pierced when she turns 16, in the...