furiesandfates

(At a parade, where a school called Highland High School marches past) Mom: How can they all be ...

My cousin, who lives with my grandma, came home with a blue mohawk. Grandma: That's very nice de...

*Watching Walker, Texas Ranger with my mother* Mum: In Texas, there are no laws; there are only ...

(Me just out of the shower) Me: Ah, the shower at home always feels better than that at the dorm...

Dad: "Cats are like velcro."

Mom: Today is May 4th and it is Star Wars day, do you know why that is? Me: I don't know know, w...

(While watching the Royal Wedding) Sister: Kate lookes like she's texting! Mum: Yeah, she's goi...

during dinner me: so.. mom... how was golfing today? mom: what do you mean? me: you said that ...

Slightly effeminate Little Brother: *horribly singing a mixture of Selena Gomez songs* Ooooh who ...

Me: She's a model? Mom: Oh my god, look at that nose. Hopefully a hand model!

Me: Night guys Dad: It's only 8:30 Me: I want to catch up on my beauty sleep Dad: Well, God kn...

Mom: (While staring at a Coke bottle she had just cleaned out for recycling) You know, these bott...

*Older sister was listening to Justin Bieber* Mom: Amanda! Stop listening to those lesbian sin...

(Looking at the giant plastic wrap our new rug came in) Me: Hey dad what's that? Dad: My condom...

(Im trying on clothes) Mom: No, that's too sexy. Boys will want to have butt sex with you. Me: ...

Dad: *talking about a giant ferris wheel* It's £5 to go all the way around. Me: I wonder how muc...

*shows mom new perfume* Me: here mom smell this Mom: smells like food Me: wtf? Mom: it smell...

Me: What do you think about this outfit...? Mom: Yesss, great...but not those white leggings un...

[grandma turns away from the table and farts] Grandpa: Can you at least walk farther away before...

(Dad is driving me and a friend home after getting ice cream) Friend: I have sprinkles stuck in ...