furiesandfates

Me: (Looking at my twitter profile.) I lost a follower. I had 2, now, I'm down to one. Mom: (St...

Mom: *from the other room* Dick. Me: Ahh, what? Mom: Dick dick dick dick dick dick dick... Me:...

Dad: You know it's a hard sneeze when your balls tingle Me: Eug. I can't unhear that

*My friend was sleeping over and we were having supper* Mom (to friend): So, how's your mom? Fr...

(me and my mom are talking about Greek Mythology) Me: Did you know Nike was a goddess? Mom: Wh...

(My mother and I are in the car, total silence) Mom: (blurts out of no-where) OH SHIT YOUR BIRTH...

*sitting down with my mom talking about how great it is when we get really old* me: old people c...

Mom: Gay and straight are normal. Bi-sexual people are just horny, and it's not normal.

(A week to the day earlier I asked my mom what the fuzzy thing in star trek was) Totally silent ...

(I was adopted) Me: So do you know who my real parents are? Dad: Some harlot that was too relig...

*while sitting in the car with my mom* Mom: ...So have you thought about sex? Me: WHAT?! Mom: ...