im1madpotato

*lean on my mom* Me: Mom, I'm really tired. I didn't fall asleep until late last night. Mom: *s...

(Asking if I can go to a water park with a boy a grade below me) Me: He said he'll pick me up, p...

Family Feud Host: Name a place where you might see a dead body. Mom: Next to Chuck Norris.

TV: In a criminal justice system, sexually based crimes are considered especially heinous... Dad...

(I'm in my room, sorting coins, and I wanted to put them in the little rolls you see in cash regi...

My grandmother had a conversation with a total stranger, and informed her that she had six childr...

Dad: It's amazing how different French and Spanish sound. French is so effeminate and Spanish sou...

(sees turkeys on back lawn) Mom:Oh look, Turkey! Maybe we will get to see them mate Me:...what?...

(disclaimer: none of my family members are actually racist) Mom: OMG look! Black people! They ba...

*Me and my mom were watching my brother and father lying around on the couch watching football an...

(dad playing sims 3) mom: get off your lazy butt and fix dinner! (dad gets off couch in sims an...

Dad: I'd rather have two daughters In law then sons in law. Me: So what you are basically sayin...

Pregnant friend reaches for her 2nd piece of pie. Pregnant Friend's Mom: Do you really think you...

Mom: Look I just bought a vibrator! It has infared heat and 5 interchangable heads! Me: Um.... y...

Me: Dad, can I sign up for hip hop next year? Dad: No, you're too white for hip hop.

Me: Mom, look at this gif Mom: what's a gif? Me: it's kind of like a moving picture Mom: like ...

(Family driving in the back roads of South Carolina) Dad: Is it offensive to a black person if t...

(My mom and I are in the car and see a white van with "FREE CANDY" hand-painted on the side.) Me...

Dad: Snoring, and then abruptly stops. Mom: Wake yourself up? Dad:(sleeptalking) THE STATUE OF ...

Mom: This whole news story about posting "personal" pictures to twitter is getting out of hand. ...