im1madpotato

My dad's response when I told him that I was a vegetarian for the first time one Christmas (exten...

*mom comes into my room in the middle of the night, drops some socks* Mom: (whispers) It's the l...

bullshitting with my dad Me: are you allergic to anything? Dad: (after 2 mins of looking in dee...

(My mother got two bruises on her wrists because our dogs lunged while she was walking them.) El...

(My Aunt Shawnay And Her 9 Year Old Daughter Angelique) Mom: Angel, I gave you permission to bec...

(at a family reunion to celebrate my godmother's return from a 2-year mission in Africa.) Me: (A...

Dad: I'm so hungry I could eat a wh*re... Mom: You mean a horse? Dad: Where's the fun in that?

Mom: *Getting home from Apple store* Look at this new iPhone cover I got. It's a Croc, and I can ...

Mom: What are you doing? Me(sarcastically): Oh, just building a meth lab in the basement. Mom: ...

(My Father, in a bar, saying that the music on a jukebox stops whenever someone says something em...

Mom while at my sister's house: Well, it's in a shady neighborhood. My sister & Me: ??? Mom: Yo...

Mom: What are you doing? Me: Trying to figure out how to post something on FailBlog. Mom: What ...

*My dad and I were at the mall and some guy was handing out free samples of their new fudge* Fre...

My friend comes over and tells my dad she's expecting Dad: If it comes out the way it went in yo...

Mom: Don't get old. It sucks. Eldest sister: Meaning we should die young? Middle sister: Yay! I...