Sex Tips For Good, Wholesome Christian Women

Glorify God with your vagina! Christian marriage blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum (ED - Oxford comma added) has tips on all facets of marriage and intimacy, all from a Good Christian Perspective. They address a number of questions one might have, but our favorites are:

1. Is it okay for Christians to use sex toys? Answer: Nope. "Most guys aren't that big. And they can't vibrate like that. Do you really want to get reliant on something your husband can never be for an orgasm?

2. What's a godly form of birth control? Answer: forget condoms, just watch the calendar, you'll be fine (Edit - no you won't).

3. What should I do if my husband wants to be adventurous in bed? Answer: it's fine, but be careful! Getting adventurous could enable his porn addiction! (Edit - ...what?)

4. What to do if I'm too loose to have sex? Answer: Kegel exercises! Just be careful not to accidentally buy sex toys when you shop for kegel exercisers online! (Edit - ಠ_ಠ )

5. What if my husband wants sex way more than I do? Answer: Joyfully and obediently give it to him whenever he wants it! (Edit - facepalm.jpg)