(While I'm getting ready for work.)
Dad: Hey, did you get some coffee? I don't want your white collar ass passing out at your desk.
Me: Yeah, I tried it this morning and it was weak sauce.
Dad: Weak!? I'm insulted! Just a sec. (comes back with a tumbler of coffee.) No cream this time. That stuff's for wimps.
Me:(takes a sip of perfect brew) Wow! It's like a punch in the face! What did you do to it?
Dad: F**king Alchemy and Black Magic, Bitch!