Funny Reviews People Have Left On Amazon Which Are Better Than The Actual Products

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satirequeen
May 31, 2020 1:00 PM EDT

Online shopping is on the rise, especially now that shops are mostly closed to the public. This means more people are leaving reviews on the products they're buying, and some of them are the works of literary genius. From toilet brushes to beds that look like ice creams, here are some of the funniest reviews on Amazon, both new and old to get you chuckling over the weekend. Enjoy!

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  • 01

    Like an Apple Watch, but it’s Casio with calculator

    Text - CASIO WATER RESIST WR ALARM CHRONO 3:23 YALM ON-OFF- CATEST-Meur - Like an Apple Watch Only Not By Ethan on January 30, 2015 Verified Purchase I've always wanted a calculator watch. Now that l'm pushing 30, I felt that I'm an adult and I can do what I want and I want to buy a calculator watch, dammit. Yeah, I said it. You're not my mom. Deal with it. It's great. It has dual time, a stopwatch, alarm, tells the date and day of the week, AND A FRIGGIN' CALCULATOR. If you wear it tightly enou
    via amazon
  • 02

    This is one sharp knife... I have 8 stitches to prove it

    Text - Be careful.. it's really sharp! By Blues 'n BBQ on June 21, 2017 Verified Purchase This is one sharp knife. I have 8 stitches in my left index finger to prove it. That, of course, was my fault and the result of a momentary lack of attention while slicing a loaf of ciabatta bread. But I can say with very personal authority that this knife slices cleanly and almost painlessly. It has a great feel (on the handle end..) and makes quick work of any kind of bread. I highly recommend it.
    via amazon
  • 03

    Duel of the M&Ms

    Text - ***** The one By Amazon customer on February 3, 2013 Verified Purchase Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strenght and robostness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&Ms duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser", and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, th
    via amazon
  • 04

    5 stars either way.

    Text - So it either works great or she's dead By Amazon customer on March 9, 2016 Verified Purchase Bought it for my mother in law. I haven't heard anything from her since I plugged it in. So it either works great or she's dead. Either way 5 stars
    via Amazon
  • 05

    Quantity over quality

    Material property - they're crap, but it's quantity over quality By E. Parker on June 30, 2016 Verified Purchase they're crap, but it's quantity over quality. passed them out at a protest against the westboro baptist church to drown them out. not the loudest on their own, but when you've got 70 odd angry queers kazooing in unison, well...
    via amazon
  • 06

    This is a bed, not an ice cream sandwich

    Mattress - Beds should look like beds By Adam on June 30, 2016 Verified Purchase I ordered this when I was drunk because I thought it was a giant ice cream sandwich. It's not. It's a bed, not the $150 ice cream sandwich I wanted.
    via amazon
  • 07

    Ate ramen noodles and this may be my last amazon review

    Text - ***** Please send help. By BlatantC on August 15, 2018 Verified Purchase One day I was trying to get over the 35 dollar limit for free shipping from Amazon, So I was just throwing random food into my cart. I came across this ramen, and I had no idea what the repercussions of clicking that "add to cart" button would be when I bought three packs of it to fulfill the free shipping requirement the devious Amazon devs set up to take more of my money. A few days later, I get home from work, and
    via amazon
  • 08

    I'm just going to use toilet paper

    Toilet brush - Too much pain By Christine Campbell on August 28, 2017 Verified Purchase Causes too much pain and agony, dont know why its so popular now a days, im just going to use toilet paper
    via amazon
  • 09

    My cat Scooter is very pleased

    Text - NFO "WARS COM INFOWARS COM ALEX JONES ADULT COLORING BOOK HELEN AUSTIN ***** Useful By Amazon user on June 13, 2018 Verified Purchase My cat Scooter is very pleased with the Alex Jones Adult Coloring Book. Scooter has feline kidney problems and doesn't always make it to the litter box in time. Now that I line his litter box with pages from the Alex Jones Adult Coloring Book, he never misses his mark. Thank you Alex Jones for helping my cat use the literbox in his old age. . ..
    via Amazon
  • 10

    Rage against the machine... door

    Font - :: Stands up to the strength of a two-year-old By AB on June 11, 2016 Verified Purchase We were having a terrible time keeping our toddler out of the fridge. He would go in, open drawers, and then leave the door open. It was a perfect game for our little boy. Man, was he mad when he discovered we added one of these locks. It seems to be holding up well so far to the tantrums and angry pulling, as he rages against the machine...door.
    via amazon
  • 11

    We have so much in common like our love for breathing

    Facial expression - Now I have companionship By Wes on September 21, 2016 Verified Purchase At first I wasn't sure if spending money on a sticker of an old lady with an inhaler was a good idea but once I got it I knew I had made the right choice. She keeps me company in my apartment since I don't have any actual friends, we eat, play board games, and watch tv together. We have so much in common like our love for breathing and other things. She doesn't argue like real people do and Unlike a girlf
    via amazon
  • 12

    My wife bought this for our pregnancy announcement... it made me feel like a queen.

    White
    via amazon
  • 13

    it was like an angel had come down from heaven and began to personally blow cool air on my face.

    Text - True Love Does Exist. By Lori on July 9, 2015 Verified Purchase Some of the reviews had me worried due to people saying putting this bad boy together was a pain. I am a barely functioning human being. If it involves me having to use a screwdriver, we're going to be in for an adventure. I was able to assemble this within 15 minutes AND without crying. It is extremely easy to put together. There are all of 4 steps. NOW onto reviewing how well it works. I live in Louisiana. Not only is the t
    via amazon
  • 14

    Finally, a yodelling pickle!

    Green - * Finally! By G. Seed on 6 April 2018 Verified Purchase I can't count the number of times I've been out and about and in need of an emergency yodelling pickle. I've tried rapping avocados, howling broccoli and on one occasion that l'd rather forget, an aubergine that sang the whole of Wagner's Ring Cycle, but they were all poor substitutes. You can imagine my relief on learning that my quest is at an end.
    via amazon
  • 15

    Gender stereotyping starts young

    Text - VFLYER BEWARE! These are dangerous for GIRLS! By Robyn Broyles on December 8, 2016 Verified Purchase My daughter is always playing with her big brother's toy airplanes. But he doesn't want to share them all the time, so I decided it was time for her to get some toy airplanes of her own. I came across this listing for 3 SKY AIRPLANE FOR BOYS. The part about it being "for boys" made me nervous, because she is not a boy. But she plays with toys belonging to a boy (her brother) all the time,
    via amazon

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