CheezCake

My Dating Nightmare: Man-Child ONLY Spoke About Race Cars, Then Threw Insults At Me

  • My worst online dating horror story was with a guy I met on Bumble.

    Hair - I'm very, very single.

    Shortly after the quarantine restrictions had been lifted, I decided to try my hand at the dating apps…again.  

    What could possibly go wrong?

    A day or two after I arrived back to the city after several months my family I agreed to a date with Christian, a fair-skinned Scandinavian-looking stock trader I met on Bumble who resided a 30-minute train ride outside NYC.

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  • Christian was a hot, blonde stock trader.

    White-collar worker

    Christian offered to make the trek via public transit for some cocktails and possibly a bite to eat. Being a typical city girl, I loathe the sheer thought of leaving the comfort of this little island of Manhattan, so clearly I did not object.

    When I arrived at the restaurant I found Christian patiently waiting for me at a patio table sipping on a Scotch whiskey with a twist.

  • Our date began with him telling me about his passion for race car driving.

    Businessperson

    After bonding over how nice it was to be back in our own homes subsequent to being surrounded by family members for what seemed like an eternity, Christian began telling me about his passion for race car driving.

    And he didn't stop. 

    No, seriously. He wouldn't shut. the. F*CK. UP–about race cars. 

  • And he didn’t stop.

    Hair

    Driving race cars. Building race cars. Designing race cars. I swear he was getting physically aroused by the sheer THOUGHT.

    Christian then proceeded to explain how he is looking for a woman who will support his passion including but not limited to taking on the financial responsibilities while he can focus on his budding racing career, and even giving up on having kids for these aspirations of grandeur.

    Turns out, Christian had already succeeded in finding such a woman, because he was currently living with his mother.

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  • Christian quite literally did not ask me ONE thing about my life.

    Hair

    After he was finished with his rant I was able to finally get a word in.

    "So…Have you any idea where I am from? What I do for a living?" I asked. "We have seriously talked about nothing but racing."

    "Ah!" He chuckled. "I'm sorry we didn't really get into what you do. I am just SO passionate about cars sometimes I get carried away."

  • He tried to share my Uber, which I stupidly obliged.

    Cartoon - LET'S TAKE THIS BACK TO YOUR PLACE. MY MOM LIVES AT MINE

    Aaaannd that was my cue.

    I thanked Christian for his f*cking awful lovely company and made my way outside to meet my Uber.

    "Hey, you are going through midtown, right? I will just jump in with you." Christian said.

    When I explained to Christian that my apartment was actually further away from the train station than our current location he STILL insisted on accompanying me. 

  • Then he tried coming up to my apartment. Which I also stupidly obliged.

    Photograph - O gotta pee

    Though I was thoroughly annoyed, there was light at the end of the tunnel, as this awful evening was nearing its end at last…

    …or so I thought.

    I said a quick 'goodbye' as the Uber pulled up to my building when I exited the vehicle.

    When I turned around to shut my door I saw Christian also getting out of the car.

    "I REALLY gotta pee. Mind if I come up real quick and use your bathroom?" He said, not really even seeking permission.

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  • And then he didn't leave.

    Photo caption - I REALLY WANNA STAY. #GOODGIRLS NBC

    Before I knew it Christian and I were both in my elevator on our way up to my apartment. He did his 'business,' and I impatiently waited for him to leave.

    But he didn't.

    He meandered aimlessly about my humble abode commenting on pictures on the wall before making himself comfortable on my sofa and getting acquainted with my cat. 

  • He. Just. Didn't. Leave.

    Nose - YOU NEED TO GO

    "Do you have any wine?" He asked. "We should have a nightcap and you can tell me about what YOU like to do.

    "I'm good, actually. I should probably get to bed," I said, desperately trying to get this mother f*cker out of my face.

    After a slight interrogation about what sort of commitments I had the next day and taunting me for going to bed so early, I put my foot down and told him it was time to GTFO. 

  • He tried one final excuse to stay, and then...

    Room

    Christian took a deep breath and glanced at his watch. "So you're really going to make me trek alllll the way back to Morristown?"

    You're goddamn right. F*ck off, sir.

    After opening my front door to show him out he finally exited my apartment…

    Turned around…

    And said…

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  • He told me I was self-absorbed. Cool.

    Hair

    "You know, girls like you will always wonder why there are never any good guys out there when someone like me is right in front of you — but you're just too ignorant and self-absorbed to realize it."

    Not sure which soap opera he got that line from, but way to make an exit.

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