Together with The Single Society, we're back with yet another hilariously awkward dating fail. This time, meet Aaron, the self-obsessed man-child, who could ONLY speak about race cars. And if you've ever been on a date with a guy who wouldn't STFU about himself (so, probably all of you!) then you'll relate to this latest tale of dating debauchery the most.
My worst online dating horror story was with a guy I met on Bumble.
Shortly after the quarantine restrictions had been lifted, I decided to try my hand at the dating apps…again.
What could possibly go wrong?
A day or two after I arrived back to the city after several months my family I agreed to a date with Christian, a fair-skinned Scandinavian-looking stock trader I met on Bumble who resided a 30-minute train ride outside NYC.
Christian was a hot, blonde stock trader.
Christian offered to make the trek via public transit for some cocktails and possibly a bite to eat. Being a typical city girl, I loathe the sheer thought of leaving the comfort of this little island of Manhattan, so clearly I did not object.
When I arrived at the restaurant I found Christian patiently waiting for me at a patio table sipping on a Scotch whiskey with a twist.
Our date began with him telling me about his passion for race car driving.
After bonding over how nice it was to be back in our own homes subsequent to being surrounded by family members for what seemed like an eternity, Christian began telling me about his passion for race car driving.
And he didn't stop.
No, seriously. He wouldn't shut. the. F*CK. UP–about race cars.
And he didn’t stop.
Driving race cars. Building race cars. Designing race cars. I swear he was getting physically aroused by the sheer THOUGHT.
Christian then proceeded to explain how he is looking for a woman who will support his passion including but not limited to taking on the financial responsibilities while he can focus on his budding racing career, and even giving up on having kids for these aspirations of grandeur.
Turns out, Christian had already succeeded in finding such a woman, because he was currently living with his mother.
Christian quite literally did not ask me ONE thing about my life.
After he was finished with his rant I was able to finally get a word in.
"So…Have you any idea where I am from? What I do for a living?" I asked. "We have seriously talked about nothing but racing."
"Ah!" He chuckled. "I'm sorry we didn't really get into what you do. I am just SO passionate about cars sometimes I get carried away."
He tried to share my Uber, which I stupidly obliged.
Aaaannd that was my cue.
I thanked Christian for his
f*cking awfullovely company and made my way outside to meet my Uber.
"Hey, you are going through midtown, right? I will just jump in with you." Christian said.
When I explained to Christian that my apartment was actually further away from the train station than our current location he STILL insisted on accompanying me.
Then he tried coming up to my apartment. Which I also stupidly obliged.
Though I was thoroughly annoyed, there was light at the end of the tunnel, as this awful evening was nearing its end at last…
…or so I thought.
I said a quick 'goodbye' as the Uber pulled up to my building when I exited the vehicle.
When I turned around to shut my door I saw Christian also getting out of the car.
And then he didn't leave.
Before I knew it Christian and I were both in my elevator on our way up to my apartment. He did his 'business,' and I impatiently waited for him to leave.
But he didn't.
He meandered aimlessly about my humble abode commenting on pictures on the wall before making himself comfortable on my sofa and getting acquainted with my cat.
He. Just. Didn't. Leave.
"Do you have any wine?" He asked. "We should have a nightcap and you can tell me about what YOU like to do.
"I'm good, actually. I should probably get to bed," I said, desperately trying to get this mother f*cker out of my face.
After a slight interrogation about what sort of commitments I had the next day and taunting me for going to bed so early, I put my foot down and told him it was time to GTFO.
He tried one final excuse to stay, and then...
Christian took a deep breath and glanced at his watch. "So you're really going to make me trek alllll the way back to Morristown?"
You're goddamn right. F*ck off, sir.
After opening my front door to show him out he finally exited my apartment…
He told me I was self-absorbed. Cool.
About the AuthorTheSingleSocietyNikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.