Top Tumblr Posts We Came Across This Week

Author image for andcallmeshirley
andcallmeshirley
Sep 24, 2020 3:38 AM EDT

It's time for your weekly dose of funny Tumblr posts. You don't have to be a frequent user of the website to appreciate these gems, so jump right in and enjoy! These Tumblr bites are just what you're missing to make your day better. And if you don't trust our word for it then look for yourself! 

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  • 01
    Text - thehobbutts someone: Christmas is so beautiful!!! me: EVERYTHING IS BROWN thehobbutts This isn't some cynical "everything sucks and happiness doesn't exist" post l'm just red green colorblind thats-what-sidhe-said I just assumed you live in Southern California. Source: thehobbutts
    via Reddit
  • 02
    Text - gaymelie In this year of 2020I think it would be nice to stop making actresses fight in heels and stop making male actors dehydrate for days for the look. death2america General extreme weight changes for roles need to go Source:gaymelie 53,588 notes ...
    via Reddit
  • 03
    Text - pteapotdactyl weareallfromearth Follow getlitaesthetic Follow Today 10:12 I want 6 pet sloths so I can name them after every sin except for sloth Today my wife texted me this, and then immediately called me to make sure I got it because it was “an urgent message". Source: getlitaesthetic 56,433 notes
    via Reddit
  • 04
    Text - spacefroggity 5 braindamagelesbian Follow headspace-hotel Follow I love how the Devil went down to Georgia, which either implies 1) that the devil is a northerner 2) that Georgia is lower than hell Source: headspace-hotel #as a southerner. yes 76,727 notes A
    via Reddit
  • 05
    Text - skeleslime-phantom Popular Opinion Mint Ice Cream and other mint flavored foods taste GREAT and y'all can't change my mind E sushinfood op do you accept constructive criticism skeleslime-phantom choose your next words carefully, dear sushi sushinfood mint suck skeleslime-phantom YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE DISRESPECT MY MINTS
    via Reddit
  • 06
    Text - queerpong-blog Follow "YOUR GAY" they shouted. "DUDE YOUR GAY!!!" i ignored them. it wasnt until i got home that i realized my gay had escaped. those kind men were trying to tell me he was running away 590.495 notes
    via Reddit
  • 07
    Text - discoursedrome The opposite of "the elephant in the room" is “the centipede in the room": something that's not actually an issue but everyone is freaking out about
    via Reddit
  • 08
    Text - Мoore, 2008). I as a vital link between the brain and the endocrine system (a network of hormone-producing glands, discussed later in this chapter). The hypothalamus plays a major role in the regu- lation of basic biological drives related to survival, including the so-called "four Fs": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. For example, when researchers lesion the lateral areas (the sides) of the hypothal- amus, animals lose interest in eating. The animals must be fed intravenously or t
    via Reddit
  • 09
    Flower - derpycats I'm at university and missing my cats, so my mum sent me this beautiful picture of Jorgie
    via Reddit
  • 10
    Text - the-quasar-hero My worst fear about writing this book is ppl liking it and the characters and wanting to know more about them like their birthdays and stuff like that cuz I just don't know. For all intents and purposes they just spawned into existence. Pls don't ask me what the main characters zodiac signs are cuz idk. lordmeowdemort You are the opposite of jk Rowling and I respect you for that the-quasar-hero That's the only thing I've ever aspired to be in my writing and it's very sexy
    via Reddit
  • 11
    Text - l Sprint LTE 6:11 PM 32% pitchandkozmotis S fuckinjaeger Follow positive-memes AJ+ O @ajplus 6h E A church service to protect an Armenian refugee family from being deported in the Netherlands just ended. Aj It lasted 96 days, and involved 1,000 priests and pastors. Dutch law forbids police from interrupting services. A deal was reached with the gov't to let the family stay. 41 t22544 4,919 Christianity done right itsgonnabeacoldwinter-soldier If you want to ask yourself what would Jesus d
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Text - onemanstampede some fools be like "i play games to escape my responsibilities" then pick tank or healer woke-up-on-derse in my greatest fantasies i am able to help people Source:thegauntletqueen 124,258 notes ...
    via Reddit
  • 13
    Cartoon - fullmetalfisting Follow Apparently when my grandma first came to America she didn't know what a raccoon was and assumed it was a f lup cat and adopted it. I just imagine this 13 yr old girl with a heavy Eastern European accent being like "this is my cat, Petr. He is not very friendly" homophobic-gay this is my cat Petr he is not very friendly
    via Reddit
  • 14
    Text - ginger-ale-official If I were The Godfather I would greet everyone based on my daughter's schedule for the day. "You come to me, on the day of my daughter's McDonald's job interview" Source: ginger-ale-official 49,022 notes A
    via Reddit
  • 15
    Text - koobaxion Follow I got like zero sleep and l'm at work trying to act like a human being and I was nearly moved to tears by a stock photo of a sad businessman koobaxion Follow GA he;s so sad 108
    via Reddit
  • 16
    Ancient dog breeds - Sit boy. Hey look, he's trained! Shakes Speak. Hi there benthirteen: hobgobluke: Biggest game changer in movie history
    via Reddit
  • 17
    People - Unlikely lines from hair commercials. quin-the-infinite-fandoms: lumos5000: i love how they didn't even say any thing. they just all stood there... No, they literally formed an unlikely line
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Text - flygex-eatin-on-softies I put this napkin on Bean as a joke but he hasn't moved out from under it and it's been about 20 minutes, so.... aspidelaps mother has given me a blanket it is a most joyous day
    via Reddit
  • 19
    Text - Trying to Explain my Sexuality to my Dad Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual. Dad: And that means you would have a male partner. Me: Yep. Dad: Or a female partner. Me: Yep. Dad: And that means you're bi. Me: Yep. Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi? Ме: Me: Me: Me: Did you just Chats Source: destielmytimel..
    via Reddit
  • 20
    Text - moami as a german kid i Used to wonder why our radio stations like to play the american national anthem so much until a friend explained to me that Country Roads Take Me Home is not in fact you guys' national hymn... Source: moami 32,226 notes A
    via Reddit
  • 21
    Text - darthvcder "kids these days are so cringey w their fortnite dances-" are none of yall going to acknowledge the s we did. are we not going to acknowledge gangnam style. what does the fox say. if we go older hamster dance. crazy frog. the duck song. the llama song. charlie the unicorn. let he who is without sin throw the first stone Source: darthvcder
    via Reddit
  • 22
    Text - KREI tilthat TIL that when Michael Foot was put in charge of a nuclear disarmament committee, The Times reportedly announced the news with the headline "Foot Heads Arms Body." via reddit.com spooky-scary-skeletrans This made me cackle loudly but it still can't beat the time in a cricket match there was a batsman whose surname was Holding and a bowler whose surname was Willie and the commentator said "the batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willie" and then promptly realised what he'd said and
    via Reddit
  • 23
    Text - BAD JOKES badjokesbyjeff BY JEFF A CEO, a laborer, and an immigrant are at a table the table has 20 cookies. The CEO takes 19 cookies and says to the laborer, "look out, that immigrant is trying to take your cookie!" 1,079 notes
    via Reddit
  • 24
    Hair - oswinstark Follow "So you're from the future" "The year 2016" "So the world's not gunna end in 2012!" "Ha! Well, you're gunna wish it did" bonjour-manger-bitte Follow I feel like this is gonna be one of those jomes that get funnier with age like its ginna be just as relavent in 2020 as it is now villanele Follow 223,391 notes >
    via Reddit
  • 25
    Text - attackofthekillershwees I'm watching a documentary on Netflix about animals getting prosthetics and this vet just hand sculpted a prosthetic beak for an injured swan and the very first thing it did was use its new beak to bite someone manic-pixie-meme-grrl that is very on-brand for swans Source: attackofthekillershwees 144,834 notes
    via Reddit
  • 26
    Text - rabioheab: i think my neighbourhood deserves a sitcom because there's me, the teen blogger • a house with 8 nuns • a drug dealer who drives a hummer • a scottish man who only ever wears a kilt and mows his lawn at 3 am • an elderly couple who drive everywhere on their lawn mower • a peacock who has been roaming the neighbourhood for years and no one knows why or where it came from
    via Reddit
  • 27
    Text - english-history-trip Follow Broke: Imma kick your ass Tist ormation Woke: You are invited to join me on the Public Footpath to Butt Lane english-history-trip Follow I didn't go all the way to Yorkshire for 72 notes Source: english-history-trip
    via Reddit
  • 28
    Text - tittled Follow you doing okay?? Of course Why do you ask? Read 10:44 PM because you have major depressive disorder and you tend to feel depressed this is an attack soulshards This is love and care and I hope everyone has a friend like this
    via Reddit
  • 29
    Text - KREI tilthat TIL on the set of The Princess Bride, André the Giant once "let out a 16 second fart and brought production to a standstill." Nobody said anything except director Rob Reiner, who said "Are you OK, André?" to which André replied, "I am now boss." via reddit.com lizardsister legends only asexualbrittaperry im crying the lack of a comma meant that for a full minute I interpreted this as him declaring himself the new boss
    via Reddit
  • 30
    Dish - my brother is 21 years old and a chef in a 5 star restaurant and he still has dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for dinner every night so dont let anybody tell you how to live your life
    via Reddit
  • 31
    Text - whitepeopletwitter Follow John-Luke Roberts @jlukeroberts PITCH: "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" but the contestants are billionaires so it's more of a threat. 9:50 AM - 21 Aug 20 - Twitter Web App injuries-in-dust Follow Every question they get wrong they lose more money, from their current savings, to one million. The questions are all things ordinary people should know. "Whats the cost of a loaf of bread?"
    via Reddit
  • 32
    Text - elloette When your hair is wavy/curly sometimes there is a fine line between "messy romantic waves" and "evil witch who lives in the woods." ktobermanns When your hair is fine and straight there's a fine line between "sleek and elegant" and "weasel dipped in grease" breccia-domain When you're hair is thick there's a fine line between "gorgeous vibrant bounce" and "holy wuk it's Hagrid" Source: elloette 214,873 notes A
    via Reddit
  • 33
    Text - anonymous asked Why do you hate Ukrainian groove metal? Is it because of its anti-Stalinist tendencies? opabinia-regalis When have I ever voiced a dissenting opinion against Ukrainian groove metal opabinia-regalis What is Ukrainian groove metal Source: opabinia-regalis
    via Reddit
  • 34
    Text - biggest-gaudiest-patronuses this should not be a controversial statement: any adult who works full-time should be able to afford a safe & comfortable living space, and an adequate budget for food, transport, clothing, household items, and healthcare, with money left over for leisure and savings. every worker deserves this. that should be the standard.
    via Reddit
  • 35
    Text - diebuster Follow every mario 64 speedrun trick works in real life btw violetvenefica Follow oh si. l'm late for class i gotta hurry *backs up to staircase* ya ya ya ya ya ya yayayaya yayayayayayaya yayayayaya yayayayayay YAHOO YAHОО YAHOOYAHYAНАҮНАҮАНАYAHAYAHYAH okay i made it
    via Reddit
  • 36
    Text - RE tilthat Follow TIL Humans domesticated dogs before they developed written language via reddit.com onion-souls Follow And now the hairy little bastards never will 32,593 notes
    via Reddit
  • 37
    Text - dorriamecomics. fem-usa I have never related to a comic so personally before
    via Reddit
  • 38
    Text - Last night I went to Starbucks and when the guy finished my drink, he bent down and wispered, "Don't let anyone dull your sparkle." I just smiled and took my drink, and while I was leaving I heard the other worker saying: "WOULD YOU STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR INSPIRATIONAL and the guy responded with, "Gurl, there is no way in hell I am letting you dull my sparkle."
    via Reddit
  • 39
    Cat - 00 00 its fun to draw cats when you dont know cat anatomy teatreefox No thats accurate
    via Reddit
  • 40
    Fashion - tradgamer4: libertarianspartan Name one war crime the U.S. committed. I'll wait. VAG
    via Reddit
  • 41
    Text - knightofthestars so hey who else was taught as a kid that ""wanting attention"""" in any way was wrong and shameful and has grown up unable ask for help or support even in great distress/suffering iamatinyowl I grew up being told I deserved attention and if I wanted it I was encouraged to ask. For attention but also for help. I can literally walk into the middle of my parent's living room when they're watching a movie and declare "MY DEPRESSION IS REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW AND I NEED ATTENTION
    via Reddit
  • 42
    Automotive exterior - ranger52enroute Follow Acid Rain Canoeing Cave Bear - Ethics The alphabetized files at my ranger station lead to some interesting mental pictures ralfmaximus Follow Park Ranger X-Files TV show now please
    via Reddit
  • 43
    Text - sharingwritingprompts A huge and ancient dragon loses her clutch of eggs. She decides to adopt an office building full of employees as her children. But to keep them safe, she doesn't want to let any of them leave. agender-plant "Mighty Opiess, Destroyer of Kingdoms, pl-" "Mom." "Uh..right. Mom. Um, so I have to get back home. I've got three kids who need dinner and I really think I should..go..back. .why are you crying?" "Grandbabies!!" shapeshiftinterest her business children earn money
    via Reddit
  • 44
    Text - 8 AND UNDER 9-12 18 AND OVER optimalotter Ah yes, the ripe old age of 18 and over. notorious-business-man Hate to ruin the fun but... Penguin > Lifespan > Emperor penguin Emperor penguin: 20 years
    via Reddit
  • 45
    Text - consultingskeletondetective: I remember when I first got Harry Potter and the deathly hallows I picked the book up and it accidentally flicked to the last few pages and I quickly shut it because I didn't want to spoil it for myself but I saw "Ginny kissed Albus" and I remember thinking "fing plot twist". Source: consultingskeletondetective 63,999 notes T1
    via Reddit

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