CheezCake

My Dating Nightmare: The 'Recovering' Alcoholic Who Stabbed Ex-Wife With Fork

  • This was by far my weirdest and creepiest date ever.

    Hair - (O #SchittsCreek WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

    Just before the six (unsuccessful) months of my eHarmony membership was up, I matched with Craig, a baby blue-eyed recently divorced social media strategist. We decided to meet for a drink after the workday one foggy Thursday night…the fateful night of my creepiest date ever.

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  • Craig was recently divorced, but I ignored the red flag, because, well... body clock.

    Television presenter - @LateNightSeth TIME IS TICKING!

    Normally I would consider someone who was fresh off the ending of a marriage to be a slight red flag but as I was rapidly approaching my 36th birthday I decided it would behoove me to lower my standards expand my horizons.

  • He had my drink of choice waiting for me when I arrived at the bar.

    Human

    When I got to the wine bar of Craig's choice he greeted me and handed me a glass of Malbec. Previously in our conversations via eHarmony, I had mentioned that it was my drink of choice but was quite sketched out surprised when he had it waiting for me.

    I thanked him for being thoughtful and prayed it wasn't roofied.

  • Craig wasn't drinking...

    Hair

    I then noticed Craig was sipping on a glass filled with sparkling water and lemon.

    Curious I inquired about his beverage of choice.

    "Are you not much of a drinker?"

    "No. Well, not anymore. I actually finished a stint at a rehab center a few weeks ago and this is my first date since. I am just trying to get used to being in a bar and socializing without feeling uncomfortable or a strong urge to drink," he revealed.

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  • Because he was a recovering, violent, substance abuser!

    Face - #YOUNGERTV

    "Should we go somewhere else then?" I asked, attempting to accommodate his rather peculiar situation.

    "No, no! I'm OK here," Craig assured.

    Craig then spent the next hour and a half telling me the story of how his addiction to drugs and alcohol began in college and ultimately lead to his demise by causing him to lose his job and ruin his first AND second marriage by drunkenly trying to stab his ex-wife with a fork in the middle of a restaurant, causing his several-month incarceration.

  • He harassed me via social media over the coming weeks, after I told him I wasn't feeling it.

    Hair - Why are you so obsessed with me?

    I returned home after my date thinking (hoping) to never again hear from this wife-stabbing ex-convict, but apparently, I am lucky.

    Craig texted me several times throughout the following weeks and when he assumed his number was blocked he reached out via Instagram.

    Finally, I responded to his texts and said that though he seemed like a lovely person, he simply wasn't the person for me.

    Then it got really f*cking creepy.

  • And quickly moved onto my friends after I ignored him. Now, 'Creepy Craig' is on all of our blocked lists.

    Electronics

    Craig started reaching out to my social circle via Instagram.

    "Hey- I know this seems odd, but I went out with your friend Katie a few weeks ago and I really wasn't myself that day. If you could help me by encouraging her to give me another shot I would appreciate it. I believe the universe brings people together in strange ways and I really do believe that I could be the man that she needs in her life. She just needs to give it a chance. All I need is a chance."

    So yeah….now all my friends have 'Creepy Craig' blocked as well.

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About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.

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About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.