Dating Nightmares: Craziest Things Men Have Admitted On First Dates

  • What the f*cking FORK?!


    Went on a date with a guy who told me the story of how his addiction to drugs and alcohol began in college and ultimately lead to his demise by causing him to lose his job and ruin his first AND second marriage by drunkenly trying to stab his ex-wife with a fork in the middle of a restaurant, causing his several-month incarceration.

  • Advertisement
  • The Dumpster Firefighter.

    Athlete - cute You might wanna close your eyes during this part.

    He drove a BMW but was living in a firehouse. OH! And he was still married.

  • The sex addict.

    Photo caption - So done.

    On the first date, a guy explained how he spent a total of two months in a clinic being treated for sex addiction (with a relapse in between), and he is currently still in therapy to repair his ability to have a healthy relationship with sexual intimacy.

  • The one who wanted to murder his boss.

    Human - P-VALLEY STARZ I am not talking to that creepy-ass dude anymore.

    Went on a Tinder date and he was told me how much he hated his boss. But it got really f*cking creepy. He went on in rather intricate detail about how he would like for his boss's plane to crash and for his body to be engulfed in flames, then sink into the ocean, never to be found.

  • Advertisement
  • The BREAST dad ever.

    Hair - AND I'M OUT

    Was on a Hinge date with a guy when he admitted he was way behind on child support and about to get his wages garnished, but spent 10k on boob implants for his ex-girlfriend.

  • The FAILman.


    When on a first date with a mailman, who told me that he had been on a strange date the week prior. I asked him to elaborate and he said, "So two dates ago I was out with this girl and things were going really well. Drinks led to dinner, and then I went back to her place for another drink. I started to go down on her, but her p*ssy smelled so bad that I ran to the bathroom and called my cousin to come pick me up."

  • The man with a van.

    Nose - This is a sick joke MAFS

    My first date with a guy and he revealed he lives in a van and showers at a Walmart truck stop. Oh, and after the date, he asked if he could use MY shower. Yeah.

  • Advertisement
  • The obsessive stalker.

    Hair - kimb Hell

    On a date with this guy from Bumble and he told me that he recently broke up with a girl whom he was literally OBSESSED with. His exact words were, "Oh I was definitely obsessed. I couldn't get enough of this girl. It was like all I wanted to do was be around her, call her. And it was just crazy that I only knew her for a short time." Creepy as f*ck.

  • The one with the DUIs.

    Hair - OK

    Met a guy online and went on a date. He informed me that he was charged with three DUIs and now in order to start his car he needs to blow into a breathalyzer that is attached to his car.

  • The one who moved back in with his parents because of his gambling habits.


    My date told me how he had made some irresponsible financial decisions in the past, including — but not limited to — buying a BMW that his salary was unable to support, using student loan money meant for his master's degree to make the payments on said BMW, racking up massive credit card debt to supplement his rent payments (in addition to other unnecessary luxuries), then applying for a high-interest payday loan in order to pay them off, ultimately causing him to fall deeper into serious financial turmoil. In exchange for bailing him out of these situations and to get back on his feet, his parents allowed him to move back into their home, but they would also be allowed access to his accounts in order to monitor his spending habits. Though he was given a small 'allowance' from his own paycheck in which to spend on daily necessities, while the rest went to reimbursing his parents.

  • Advertisement
  • The holier-than-thou homophobe

    Hair - That's homophobic.

    A guy I went on a date with told me that he was worried his new roommate suffered from 'SSAS,' or 'same-sex attraction syndrome.' He basically admitted he was a nutty religious homophobe.

  • The guy who was bot sh*t crazy.

    Nose - I'm sorry? STARZ

    I went on a date with a guy I met on one of the apps. Here revealed that he wasn't actually the person I had been conversing with via text. He was actually building a dating bot that does the texting for him and even schedules his dates for him. He then proceeded to demonstrate how his bot worked whilst showing me the list of hundreds of other women he has been testing the app on.


Next on CheezCake

Scroll down for the next article