One-night stands don't always go quite as planned. Whether the sex is bad or your 'guest' just won't take the hint, there are a plethora of things that could go wrong. But these awful sexual escapades often make for hilarious stories! This is why we teamed up with The Single Society - to bring you all of the dating blunders and sexy time misfortunes so you can feel better about your life! Have a bad date story? Please submit it here for a chance to be featured!
Normally I would consider someone who was fresh off the ending of a marriage to be a slight red flag, but as I was rapidly approaching my 35th birthday I decided it would behoove me to lower my standards expand my horizons. When I got to the wine bar of Craig's choice he greeted me and handed me a glass of Malbec. In our previous conversations via eHarmony, I had mentioned that it was my drink of choice but found it quite strange that someone I had never met would order me a beverage without me present.
Nonetheless, I thanked him for being thoughtful and prayed it wasn't roofied.
After twenty minutes of illustrating his tedious day-to-day routine of crunching cloud-based algorithms…..or whatever the f*ck he does, I briefly summarized the riveting work I do as a corporate accountant.
Our conversation thereafter was reasonably entertaining, and I was feeling somewhat hospitable, so I suggested Craig and I continue our little rendezvous back at my place. We were on my couch enjoying a glass of wine and a rather civilized conversation when my roommates returned from a bar-hopping extravaganza only to continue the party at our apartment.
I was confused as to what he could possibly be looking for in my closet when I heard it…
*psssssssssssss*
Craig was pissing all over the floor of my closet.
All over my shoes.
All over my hamper full of clothing.
After coming to grips with reality and noticing that it was in fact my wardrobe and not a toilet in which he was pissing in, he apologized and made an attempt to salvage my belongings from his mid-slumber urination.
I had Craig carry the contents of my hamper to the basement to the washing machine, then threw him out, along with several pairs of perfectly good suede boots.
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