Guys All Women Encounter At Music Festivals

• The Designated Dude in Charge

  

  When it comes to festivals, he is the ultimate expert.

  He brings everything you could possibly need - a large, durable tent that doesn't collapse in the dead of night, a makeshift mini-bar, a first aid kit for when you cut yourself instead of that avocado, every outdoor cooking utensil that exists, and chef-quality cuisine to go along with it.

  He has his entire fest schedule meticulously planned out - which performer he's gonna see when, how to have the most efficient power hour, and when to constantly check-in that all his fest acquaintances are properly hydrated and ready to revive themselves with his consistent mealtimes.

  He's the man with a plan, holding the essential toolbox to ensure a wonderful festival season. Naturally, he's the main player you should have in your festival toolbox.

  
  

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• The Young, Innocent, and Naïve

  

  This one is basically the Designated Dude's literary foil.

  His friends cancelled last minute on their first music festival, so he ultimately decided to wing it alone. He envisioned being the festival's dancing queen, but he's more young and sweet, only 17 (his ID says otherwise). You and your friends will adopt him upon the first hours of meeting him at the festival because he's just so freaking adorable. He'll gratefully latch on, incredulous that he managed to befriend this older, wiser, cooler group of girls. It's your responsibility to ingrain him with confidence and convince him that one day he too will blossom into the Designated Dude in Charge.

  
  

  
  

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• The Annoyingly Tall Guy

  

  The giant seems to make an appearance directly in front of your line of view at every set you actually care to see.

  Instead of carelessly immersing your entire being into the music, you're too busy being irritated by his obnoxiously lanky body blocking your entire field of vision. Like, it should be illegal to be this tall. He doesn't even have the decency to hoist you up on his shoulders so that you can enjoy the fest just as much as he is. What a shithead. However, you'll still hook up with him once he notices your tiny presence.

  
  

  
  

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• The Beer Bro

  

  Much like a six-pack of beer, the Beer Bro generally comes in a pack of identical Beer Bros.

  They're decked out in matching neon shorts, sunnies, and bandannas. Their top half? Shirtless (duh), and dripping in sticky, golden beer. They're also surrounded by a bevy of Beer Beckies, AKA their female counterparts. They came solely to get fucked up, and if they're lucky, f*ck bitches while they're at it.  If they don't score with a Beer Becky, they just might be scoring with you. I'm not saying I'm judging you, but fucking ew.

  
  

  
  

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• The Hardcore Rager

  

  Physically, the Hardcore Rager is on Planet Earth with the rest of us, but mentally, he's on an entirely different planet.

  He's simultaneously intoxicated and on every type of hard drug, some of which you haven't even heard of. He's dancing like a total maniac till the break of dawn, sometimes with random people, but often by himself. Most of the time, he has no idea who is even performing, but the music has evidently struck a chord in his soul, and that's all that matters. He may look completely psycho, but he's clearly having the time of his life. So much so that you find yourself a tad jealous of him at one point. Like, can someone sign me up for whatever he's on?

  
  

  
  

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• The Free Spirit

  

  For him, every festival is an opportunity to revive Woodstock 1969. He may not have been born just yet, but spiritually, he was present.

  His boho aura exudes peace; of course, he bestows peace onto anybody he comes into contact with. He'll warm up your cold soul with righteous words of wisdom and unusual ideologies that don't actually make much sense when you sober up enough to actually think about them. But you've always wanted a guy who's super in touch with his feelings, so you find yourself totally here for the free love he offers. Make love, not war. Drop acid, not bombs. Live and let die. Suddenly, everything seems so simple, and you find yourself at peace with the world too.

  He also offers the comfiest, psychedelic blanket to lay out on when you reach that faded peak. Plus, he offers the best weed in town.

  
  

  
  

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• The Swingers

  

  This hot couple is freaking goals, and behold, it turns out, they're super sweet. So sweet that they're buying you drinks about five minutes into the conversation. So nice that they invite you to check out the next set with them. So wholesome that the music brings them closer to you as you dance together. So cute that his arm begins to snake around your waist - wait, what's going on here? Slowly but surely, her hand touches your face, ever so slightly. Could it be that their wonderfully welcoming ambiance has an agenda? The agenda being to invite you into their perfect relationship for the day?  Depending on how attractive you find them, just let it happen.

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