This Week's Top Celebrity News: A Satirical Roundup (December 1, 2020)

  • After welcoming their first daughter a few months ago, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are already trying to have another baby. Because having a newborn isn’t half as hard as people without nannies say it is.

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  • Felicity Huffman just booked her first acting gig since serving time in prison. She is starring in a new comedy on ABC, proving once and for all that committing a crime is not enough to stop a white woman from succeeding.

  • The Weeknd is really upset and says the Grammys ‘remain corrupt’ after not getting any nominations. He should probably vent to Donald Trump, who still insists ‘the Presidential election was rigged’ because he didn’t win.

  • It is likely that Prince William and Kate Middleton won’t be included in the Queen’s exclusive Christmas ‘bubble’ and will have to make other plans for the holidays. What a bummer… spending Christmas with the 94-year-old granny could’ve been so much fun.

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  • Camila Cabello wrote a touching tribute about her relationship with Shawn Mendes and explained that love ‘is not just happy blissful moments’. So now we all know. Thanks for that, Camila!

  • Matthew Perry is engaged! After 51 years of being single, the famous actor finally found “the one”. If you’re wondering what took him so long, it’s probably because when he was in his twenties, his now 29-year-old fiancé wasn’t even born yet.

    Official - M
  • Megan Fox filed for divorce from Brian Austin Green, just in case falling madly in love with someone else and calling her new boyfriend her “twin flame” wasn’t making it clear enough that things between them are really over.

    Suit - GODEN GBE


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