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My first post-COVID date was also a terribly awful first date.
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Desperate times means very low standards
I gave John a right swipe despite the fact that he dressed as if he shopped at JC Penny circa 2002 and was several inches shorter than I would prefer.
Apparently when the temperature drops, so do my standards.
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John showed up looking like a frat boy.
We went back and forth for quite a while and John couldn't seem to decide on a venue or even a vicinity in which to meet, so I made the executive decision to meet at a place near my apartment which featured private heated 'igloos.'
I arrived at the restaurant and John sported a hooded sweatshirt, tattered baseball cap, and khaki shorts. It was 37 F degrees outside.
As we settled into our little bubble I facetiously inquired as to whether or not he checked the temperature outside before getting dressed.
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Turns out, John's brother had arranged the date for him, as a joke.
"I crashed at a friend's place last night so this was all I had," he explained.
Still not exactly a logical explanation as to why he was dressed like a frat boy/safari man hybrid, but I digress.
"So I have a little confession to make. My friend's little brother was actually fucking around on my phone and he is actually the one who asked you to meet me. He told me this morning I had a date and I didn't believe him, then I read the messages and realized I had to book it all the way over here," he confessed.
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He called it a "happy mistake". I was pissed AF.
"You mean this whole date was a joke and you didn't even really want to go out with me?" I said, miffed at the fact that I wasted my expensive foundation on this Crocodile Dundee looking twat waffle.
He defused the situation by apologizing profusely and assured me it was a 'happy accident'.
To be honest, I really didn't care.
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He spent the whole evening talking about his high school basketball ‘career.’ Yawn!
Throughout the duration of the afternoon, John did the vast majority of the talking…about his high school basketball 'career.'
He even went so far as to pull up a YouTube video he had saved on his phone of him making a game-winning shot to show me what a f*cking champ he was.
Shortly after his gym class all-star demonstration, John's phone rang and it was a FaceTime call from his mother. I assumed he would ignore the call and speak to her later, but not so much.
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John then proceeded to FaceTime his mom and friend, relaying how he'd been 'tricked' into a date with me.
John sat there FaceTiming with his mother for roughly four minutes conversing about absolutely nothing in particular.
He hung up with his mother and we continued our conversation when his phone rang yet again. He answered and shot the shit with a friend telling him the 'funny' story about how he was essentially 'tricked' into a date with me.
"Ok buddy, I think I'm being kind of rude to this girl I'm with so I'll text you later," he said. "Sorry! No more phone calls, I promise."
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I made my excuses and we ended the date. Then, he asked to come back to mine.
I said we should probably get the check because I
wanted to get the f*ck away from this ass hathad several errands to run before it got dark.We split the check and awkwardly awaited the server to return with our credit cards.
"So how does this work then?" John asked.
"How does what work?"
"Am I coming to your place? I'm new to this online dating thing."
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He asked me on another date. I declined. He didn't take it well. Shocker.
I told him that he wasn't coming with me and that he should probably get home and put some pants on before it got even colder.
Two days later he texted me to ask about a second date, which I politely declined. Here's how he responded. K. Whatever, bruh.
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