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When she robs you after a one-night-stand.
I met a girl on Tinder and we went back to my place after our date. When I woke up in the morning I discovered that she robbed me. My wallet, my electronics, my watch. FML.
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When you fall in love with a sex offender.
I thought I had met 'The One' this year and was looking forward to actually having someone to quarantine with. I decided to internet stalk him one day and I found his profile...on a sex offenders list.
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When you get explosive diarrhea on a date.
I took a girl out to dinner and a haunted house this year. The date was great, but the dinner wasn't sitting well. There was nowhere to go to the bathroom because all the restaurants were closed. I ended up having explosive diarrhea in my pants and had to sprint out of the haunted house. Then I had to tell my date why I ditched her so suddenly.
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When you turn him down for a second date and he puts your name and number on Craigslist for sex.
I turned down a guy for a second date because he was a total f*cking weirdo. He didn't take it too well and made an ad on Craigslist with one of my Instagram pictures saying I was horny and I wanted sex and to text my phone number with dick pics. I had to change my number.
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When he drunk-pisses in your closet.
I took a guy home after a date. He was so drunk he pissed in my closet and ruined pretty much all of my expensive suede boots and several handbags.
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When your colostomy bag leaks all over the bed.
I had an amazing date with a guy and went home with him for some adult fun. When I woke up in the morning I discovered my colostomy bag broke all over the bed. There was poop everywhere. I hightailed it out before he woke up and blocked his number. I would never be able to face him again.
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When she steals your credit card and spends $2500.
After meeting a girl on Bumble we had a fun night out and hit a few bars. The following morning I noticed my credit card was missing and figured I left it at the last bar. I was going to wait until they opened to call them so I didn't have to cancel it. When they told me it wasn't there I checked my bank account online. That bitch stole my credit card and ran up $2500 worth of charges at various places. When I called the police she had apparently done this to several guys in the area and they were on the lookout for her.
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When his card is declined at dinner so you have to pay $350 and then he blocks you.
While at dinner with a guy at a fancy restaurant (which he chose and invited me to) his card was declined. I had to pay for the entire meal ($350) because he conveniently didn't have another card with him. He said he would Venmo me, but when we parted ways I discovered he had blocked my number and deleted me on the dating app where we met.
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When you find out he's married, has two kids and has a bad gambling habit.
I was dating a guy for a few weeks and I thought it was going so well. He was always wanting to spend time together and willing to come to my place to do so. Then I found out he was married and recently kicked out of his house by his estranged wife for running up gambling and credit card debt and was pretty much couch surfing, and using me for a place to crash. Oh, and he had two kids.
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When you get pulled over by the cops and your date has an arrest warrant for a DUI.
My date was driving me home and the cops pulled us over. He had a warrant out for his arrest for not showing up to court and was driving on a suspended license after his second DUI. The cops arrested him and I was driven home in a squad car.
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