CheezCake

Parents Tweet About Their Kids Being Destructive Little Demons

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    Rectangle - Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom *points to yogurt my 5 yr old spilled on the couch* THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS *storms away, trips over my purse and spills wine*

    If you pictured having beautiful white carpets, expensive furniture, and delicate ornaments at the same time as having a toddler, think again. The two don't go hand-in-hand. In fact, it's one or the other. Having nice things will have to wait until the kids turn 18 and leave for college. Or, until you give them up for adoption. 

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    Clothing - Simon Holland @simoncholland Without kids I would have never known the joy of cleaning a spilled bottle of glue out of a backpack at 6 AM.

    Try as you may to hide all the dangerous chemicals from your kids, they'll find a way of getting to them. Whether they're ingesting them, spilling them all over the carpet, or feeding them to the dog, nothing is safe when you have a toddler. NOTHING! 

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    Human body - The Dad @thedad THE DAD Cop: *arrives at my house* woah the burglars completely wrecked this place Me, holding my toddler: the burglary was next door
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    Eye - That Mom Tho @mom_tho a constant war in my head is wondering if I should find out why the kids are quiet vs letting them continue making a mess because they're leaving me alone
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    Human body - Will Rodgers @WilliamRodgers The baby spilled my Bloody Mary all over the carpet and now | have to get it replaced... Anyone know where I can find a decent baby?
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    Font - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 6-year-old: My room is clean. Me: It's a disaster. 6: It's clean if you don't look at it. Schrödinger's mess.
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    Brown - Arianna Bradford @thearibradford I et my kids up with mugs of hot chocolate over a white carpet so I, too, like to live dangerously.
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    Human body - A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut Optimists see the cup half-full. Pessimists see the cup half-empty. Parents of toddlers see the cup spilled all over the floor.
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    Font - Kate Hall @KateWhineHall When it comes down to it, parenting is basically snuggling and slowly watching everything you've ever owned be destroyed.
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    Font - Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom Did you know that 2 cups of Rice Krispies can cover an area of over 5 feet? Did you also know that the Krispies can be spilled & crushed in the time it takes an adult woman to pee? I do. Now.
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    Font - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix 90% of the clean things in my house are only that way because I had to wipe them down after my kids spilled something.
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    Gesture - Maryfairyboberry @maryfairybobrry With burglaries on the rise, I feel it's my duty to let y'all know my kids destroyed any valuables I may have had long ago.
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    Human body - The Dad THE DAD @thedad Childless friend: Dude our cat is so destructive. It's gonna ruin our couch someday Me pulling a bag of flour and shattered iPad out of the dryer: Oh wow sorry to hear that man
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    Human body - Courtney @Discourt My 8yo shattered my ipad. My toddler pissed on my couch. My daughter bit my nipple so hard my face hurts. I'm drinking all the beer.
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    Human body - Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom 11 dirty cups, two time-outs, 3 fights broken up, one sword confiscated, & a bowl of soup spilled on the rug. IT'S ONLY 9:15am, PEOPLE.

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