CheezCake

10 Women Confess Their Post-2020 Dating Fails

  • The guy who is going to blow his load too early

    Cheezburger Image 9609409024

    Went out with a guy I had sex with before lockdown. He picked a bar right near my apartment. Five minutes into the date he says, 'I just want to forewarn you that it's been a while since I've had sex, so don't judge me if I blow my load too early. How presumptuous.

  • The guy who is a little too close with his ex

    Cheezburger Image 9609409280

    This guy invited me out for my first date since the beginning of 2020. He took me to a bar where he knew the female bartender quite well. I asked how they knew each other and he said they actually dated for 4 years. They broke up a few months ago but are still close, and he wants her opinions on women he dates.

  • The man who really wants a threesome

    Cheezburger Image 9609409536

    My first post-apocalypse date was a guy who took me out for coffee, then explained that he was actually in a relationship, but he was looking for a girl to have a threesome with.

  • The man wanted to do his date a favor by doing her

    Cheezburger Image 9609409792

    I sat down to dinner with this guy I had been seeing and really liked before we went into lockdown. The first words out of his mouth were, "I'm not looking for anything serious, but I am open to having a sexual relationship with you." Gee, thanks!

  • The boob guy that needs to shut his mouth

    Cheezburger Image 9609410304

    Thought my first date in over a year was going well until he asked me if I was wearing a push-up bra in one of my profile pics because he was under the impression my boobs would be bigger. Clearly, some people forgot their manners. 

  • The presumptuous a**hole

    Cheezburger Image 9609410816

    This guy I had been seeing before the world seemingly ended texted me to see if I was interested in meeting up on Saturday night. Saturday rolled around and I texted him to see if we were still on. He said yes, I can come over around 11 PM. This dude literally thought I was just going to come over and f*ck him.

  • The f*ckboy with ZERO shame

    Cheezburger Image 9609411072

    For my first date in what seemed like forever, this guy asked me what I did to pass the time. I told him, movies, puzzles, whatever. He went onto explain that he was having sex with two girls in his building and neither one knew about the other. 

  • The entitled jerk that expected sex

    Cheezburger Image 9609411328

    Met a guy on Bumble at a bar and we ended up hanging at his place after. He asked me if I would like some coke. I told him, no, and he said 'OK, well I am going to do some because sex is so much better on coke.' We hadn't even kissed!

  • The guy who couldn't remember his dates name

    Cheezburger Image 9609411584

    This guy I was sleeping with before everything went to sh*t texted me and asked if I was vaccinated and if we could meet up. We were out having a good time and he said 'I have to be honest, I actually forgot your name, I still have you in my phone as 'big t*ts accountant.' 

  • The guy who thought she'd be out of his league...but told her she wasn't

    Cheezburger Image 9609411840

    Post-vaccination I decided to start dating again. The first thing this guy said to me when I walked up to meet him was, 'Oh good, I thought you were going to be super out of my league."

Tags

About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.

Next on CheezCake

Comments

About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.