Insecure Boyfriend Gaslights His Girlfriend After She Earns More Money Than Him

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Mayarey
May 27, 2021 3:00 PM EDT

Financial discrepancies in relationships can be quite difficult to maneuver around sometimes. Does somebody pay more rent? Does every meal get split 50/50, or perhaps 60/40? Obviously, when you're truly in love with someone, these minor details wouldn't get in the way so much and cause too many issues. As long as both people make a living, money is just money after all.

But what happens when it is the woman who makes more money? Oh no! How could it be? She must have 'cheated the system...'

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  • 01
    Rectangle - r/AmltheAsshole u/No_Lingonberry_5061 · 5d + Join 2 2 18 e 19 3 15 51 1 AITA for calling my boyfriend an insecure little boy after his repeated jokes that I "cheated the system" to get to a career that pays more than his? Not the A-hole
    via u/no_longonberry_5061

    This woman is asking the 'Am I the A-hole' community on Reddit if she is an A-Hole for calling out her boyfriend on constantly gaslighting her success. This relationship already has red flags all over it, and I can already tell her BF needs an ego check.

  • 02
    Font - Tim and I met in an English literature class our junior year of college, and we've been together the ten years since. While he ended up going into IT, I stayed in the liberal arts track and ended up doing non-profit work after college when I realized I didn't actually want to be a schoolteacher. Just to say that we always assumed he'd out-earn me by a considerable margin, though when he made more I always insisted we split things evenly to avoid potential resentment down the road.
    via u/no_longonberry_5061

    So this Redditor provides a fair amount of backstory to this seemingly toxic relationship. Both members of the couple started out with roughly the same amount of 'success' but ended up going in different directions with their careers. Sounds normal to me so far...

  • 03
    Font - I've had sort of a non-linear career path, but ended up switching to the corporate world. To make a long story short, my liberal arts degree and time doing non-profit work gave me a lot of skills that enable me to really excel professionally in some more niche areas. I recently started a new job as a consultant, making way more than l'd ever anticipated. When I got the offer, I told Tim that the pay was "amazing", but he didn't ask about the actual amount and I didn't want to be braggy ab
    via u/no_longonberry_5061
  • 04
    Font - Well we just put in an application for a new place, and in the process of having to submit our paystubs it's become obvious that I make roughly 30% more than he does now. I expected him to think that was cool, since he's a feminist and has always been super supportive of my career. But instead he's started to make increasingly harsh jabs about how I "cheated the system" to get where I am, that no English lit major makes more than a cyber security professional without cheating somehow.
    via u/no_longonberry_5061
  • 05
    Font - His major point is that I got my first job out of nepotism, which set me up to "trample" more qualified people who didn't have the same advantages. It's true that I got my first post- college job after being referred by a sorority sister, but it was for non-profit work making 22k/ yr, not exactly at somebody's daddy's firm. He also points out that at my first corporate job, I snagged a big promotion after volunteering to take on starting up the company's diversity/ equity/inclusion progra
    via u/no_longonberry_5061
  • 06
    Font - But all that said...I still don't feel like I cheated the system, and it makes me angry to listen to him "joke" about it, especially since I grew up blue collar and worked fulltime while going to school fulltime to afford my degree. I reached a breaking point yesterday when he made a crack about how the new/first woman on his team is an obvious diversity hire. I told him that his jokes about women cheating the system to get ahead aren't funny or "guy-talk ribbing" as he says, they make hi
    via u/no_longonberry_5061
  • 07
    Font - RightoSaidFred · 5d Partassipant [4] 8 Awards The system is rigged towards white men. You've succeeded in spite of that. Poor lil boyfriend is not a feminist and he's having his ego challenged. NTA 6 Reply 1 6.2k 3
    via u/RightoSaidFred
  • 08
    Font - heart_over_board · 5d Partassipant [3] 1 Award NTA. He's a feminist until a woman earns more than him, then suddenly it's all cheating. If he cannot be happy for you I am not sure where your relationship is going. G Reply 4.9k ...
    via u/heart_over_board
  • 09
    Font - porcelain_owl • 5d 1 Award NTA but y'all have some serious problems. I can't imagine being with someone for 10 years and not telling them how much money I make. Even if you split your finances and have separate accounts it's important to know how much money you're bringing in. It sounds to me like you guys have a real problem with communication that needs to be fixed if you intend to stay with him (I wouldn't, but that's just me. I can't imagine my husband being jealous and accusatory if
    via u/porcelain_owl
  • 10
    Rectangle - Reader01234567 · 5d Partassipant [2] 65 Awards NTA. Dump him. He's sexist and toxic toward women. Imagine you have kids with him someday wtf. Using people you know to find jobs is 100% normal and called networking. Cybersecurity is not some top dog where no one earns more than that field. His attitude toward your major is gross. Getting a promotion because you volunteered and showed initiative on new programs and showed interest in the company is also normal. There are plenty of scho
    via u/Reader01234567
  • 11
    Font - JosBenson • 5d A 2 21 Awards The fact that his team have only recently hired the first female the first woman! - despite women being 50% of the population. And he can't see the fact that he has his job because he is a man. That he was hired because if his male privilege! To the extent that all the members of his team are male, and he thinks that is due to merit, just highlights that this guy is NOT a feminist. And not only that, he is not even a kind loving boyfriend, he's just another sa
    via u/JosBenson
  • 12
    Font - superstegasaurusrex • 5d Yeah my husband tells everyone that I earn more than him. He's not ashamed of it. He's proud of me. NTA. Dump your boyfriend, he sucks. 25 3 ...
    via u/superstegasaurusrex
  • 13
    Font - CebollasSaltado • 5d Partassipant [2] You don't sound like you cheated the system whatsoever, and used your skills to get a job you were qualified for, so with that being said... INFO: Why are you dating someone who has zero respect for you? 6 Reply 1 8.0k 3 ...
    via u/CebollasSaltado

Tags

boyfriend aita girlfriend fighting red flags red flag Reddit money
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