Throw A Fourth of July Party So Epic That Even The Founding Fathers Would Be Proud

• 01

  Deck yourself out in merch that screams “‘’Murica F*ck Yeah”

  via Giphy

  If you don't completely cover yourself in everything and red, white, and blue, you're not a true patriot. Last I checked, we breathe and bleed red, white, and blue. So start acting like it. Be sure to let your guests know that if they fail to wear the colors of our grand ol' American flag, they will be escorted out swiftly by bald eagles.

  
  

  
  

• Advertisement
• 02

  Red, White, and Blue Jello Shots for Everyone

  via Giphy

  If the guests came decked out in our wonderful nation's colors, you best be repaying the favor with this ultimate party favor. It's not really a party if there are no jello shots present, which you can easily match up to the theme.

• 03

  Step Up The Classic BBQ Cookout With Hor Dourves

  via Giphy

  The classic BBQ is cute and all, but you're a classy bish who's about to make it chic with hor dourves, such as mini sliders and pigs in a blanket. Can't cook for sh*t? Just buy 'em in the frozen food aisle. The epitome of beauty and grace.

• 04

  Play Lana del Rey’s National Anthem on loop

  via Giphy

  We stan Lana, truly an American icon. While Lana's National Anthem is a masterpiece, your guests might not appreciate being forced to listen to the same song on repeat. Consider also adding country music into the playlist for a nice American touch. Carrie Underwood's Cowboy Casanova will do. Of course, the entire Hamilton soundtrack should be in there too.  

• Advertisement
• 05

  Ignite a drunken duel like the Founding Fathers

  via Giphy

  Speaking of Hamilton, a very famous duel in American history took place between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr. Even though Hamilton got killed as a result of this duel, he would have wanted you to do the same on the 4th of July. Or at least that's what the USA-themed jello shots will be telling you. It's the perfect time to start a fight with that coworker everyone lowkey hates. You only invited her to be cordial, but as a full-blooded American, your true essence is the opposite of cordial. In fact, you're feeling a fiery red, white, and blue.

• 06

  Break up with your boyfriend because you’re independent like the US of A

  via Giphy

  
  

  The moment your boyfriend tries to put a stop to the drunken duel, dump his a**. Clearly, he's holding you back. Much like how the US dumped the UK's a** back across the pond, it's time for you to bounce back into independence. He's too UK for you, and the American thing to do is to cut ties.

  
  

  
  

• 07

  Eat a giant hot dog that your now-ex could never compare to

  via Giphy

  By now, the hor dourves aren't enough for you. You gotta go big or go home. You're already at home, so you gotta go big. And the only thing you should be going big with on the fourth is a big ol' hot dog fresh off the grill. Your ex-boyfriend could NEVER compare to this hot dog, and that's why the founding fathers guided you to this very moment in time.

• Advertisement
• 08

  For the grand finale, go BBQ blackout

  via Giphy

  
  

  You've consumed all the jello shots, sucker-punched that one coworker everyone hates, broke up with your beta-Brit boyfriend, and now it's time for a much-needed nap. Your guests could clean up the hot mess you left behind. It's the least they could do to thank you.

  
  

   Congrats on throwing the most all-American party of all time.Till next year, fellow pretty patriot!

  
  

  
  

Tags