Wicked Comebacks That Must Have Felt Especially Satisfying

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    Font - sam @TheAccountOfSam shrek grossed 484 million just so we're clear mitch @pray4tendies · Jul 18, 2018 Magic Mike grossed 167 million. If you still think girls like dad bods, keep dreamin pal. Show this thread 11:50 PM · Jul 18, 2018 · Twitter for iPhone 57K Retweets 354 Quote Tweets 290.7K Likes

    This was important. We love any excuse to bring up Shrek but in this case, it was especially pressing. Shrek is the ideal man, and we stan his luscious curves. Any comeback involving Shrek is a winner in our book.

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    Font - 3 Q Search I wonder how Atheists moan during sex They be like "oh evolution" o and 3.2K others O 3K O 2K A 14K Atheists are the only ones allowed to yell oh god during sex, because religious people shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain

    Oh, this one is actually impressive. Most atheists have a base knowledge of some kind of religion, so they know the rules as well. Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to roast people who don't believe in Heaven or Hell, they have nothing to lose, they'll roast you back even harder.

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    Font - Repeat after me: ""It's a guy's duty to pay the bill at the raustarant, that's why it's called 'MEN'U Or It's the responsibility of both parties that's why it's called Me'N'u
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    Font - Grant Tanaka @GrantTanaka my daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie so I said "hey, the 90's called" and she replied "yeah cause they couldn't text" and godDAMMIT I'm getting really tired of my kids owning me 5:14 AM · Jan 29, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 79.4K Retweets 3,048 Quote Tweets 878.1K Likes
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    Font - The Jamerican Anime Princess @katmiriamxo If you did it when you were drunk you wanted to do it sober. Ter-Lee Comedy @terryleeborror I'm pretty sure I didn't want to sleep outside in a wheelbarrow all night but alright.
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    Font - Da(Y)go Brown @ArtyCurry A lady just came up to me and said "Speak English, we are in San Diego." So I politely responded by asking her "how do I say 'San Diego' in English?" The look of bewilderment on her face made it feel like a Friday. 8:31 PM · May 26, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 74.7K Retweets 3,030 Quote Tweets 767.3K Likes
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    Font - Luther M. Siler @nfinitefreetime You can do this already with a ZIP code. MT droo Rview MIT Technology Review O @tec. · Apr 3, 2018 Ready for a world in which a $50 DNA test can predict your odds of earning a PhD or forecast which toddler gets into a selective preschool? 3:19 PM · Apr 5, 2018 · Tweetbot for iOS 20.7K Retweets 331 Quote Tweets 78.4K Likes
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    Font - Jon Cryer @MrJonCryer Is that why, after he left, it lasted for 4 more years and I won an Emmy for Best Actor in a Comedy? Matt Gaetz @mattgaetz · Sep 6, 2020 Charlie Sheen totally carried two and a half men. 6:06 AM · Sep 6, 2020 · Twitter for iPad 21.8K Retweets 2,543 Quote Tweets 317.3K Likes
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    Organism - Adam Carriker PE9 @AdamCarriker94 A child ripped up their allowance because he wasn't happy with the amount. His mom walked out of her room and saw this. What would you do if this was your child's behavior? Jade, MPH @megustaJade Keep it and give him a piece of it anytime he asks for money Imao
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    Product - Joint. @trillageee How do y'all be 27+ w no kids ??? just greg. @iholytrojan Seeing y'all be 23 with 5 kids will do that to you.
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    Organism - Stefan Molyneux @StefanMo... 11h v I can't believe Taylor Swift is about to turn 30 - she still looks so young! It's strange to think that 90% of her eggs are already gone 97% by the time she turns 40 so I hope she thinks about having kids before it's too late! She'd be a fun mom. :) O 6,009 7912 O 5,040 Nothing @nadanothingzip Replying to @StefanMolyneux T hope she buys a house near a elementary school so you can't get within five blocks of her.
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    Blue - Ryan Stiles O @WhoseRyanStiles Have had to cancel all my upcoming shows due to ban of crowds more than 250 people. So very sorry. The good news is, you can still go see Colin. 2:55 AM · 2020-03-14 · Twitter for iPhone 839 Retweets 14.1K Likes 27 Colin Mochrie O @colinmochrie · 6h Replying to @WhoseRyanStiles So happy that you have gone with your strengths. Staying home and not doing comedy. 52 27 129 O 4,027
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    Organism - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba Kinda feel bad for attractive people who are now having to communicate with their words for the first time and realizing they don't have a personality graysonsnell I feel attacked 19h 49 likes Reply wittyidiot @graysonsnell you shouldn't 19h 506 likes Reply
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    Product - The sad reality of our world 10 2820 You have twenty seven thousand tweets. You joined here in June 2016, which means you joined here 136 weeks ago, 136 weeks is 952 days, if you divide 27000 to 952, the result is -28. You tweet 28 times a day yet you still talk about how everyone is addicted to their phones.


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