Groanworthy Dad Jokes From Twitter's Corniest Account

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    Rectangle - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I heard that you should always look into a mirror before making a big decision. It helps you reflect.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Did you know that T-Shirt is actually an abbreviated version of Tyrannosaurus Shirt... ... because of the short arms.
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    Font - Dad Jokes ... @Dadsaysjokes Someone stole all my lamps. You'd think l'd be upset... ..but l'm actually delighted.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My partner asked me if I could stop singing Wonderwall | said maybe.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes | am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes One thing I can't deal with... .is a deck of cards glued together.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a | Tuxedo.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes To the person who stole my place in the queue. I'm after you now.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Someone replaced all of the buttons on the elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair. I've heard nothing since.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes In Britain they call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess they're just raised differently.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes How much does a rainbow weigh? Not much - it's pretty light
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes It's my wife's birthday next week and she's been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our house. So I got her a magazine rack.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Just got called pretty today! Well, the full statement was "You're pretty annoying", but I focus on the positive things.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes The first annual meeting of camouflage club was a disaster. It looks like no one showed up.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. Told her it's because I can't stand doing it.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I got into a heated argument with a snowman... .in which he lost his cool and had a total meltdown.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I met a ventriloquist at a bar who told me I was attractive. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Social distancing has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear such measures will push someone over the edge.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf Credit: smartassbrickbelter
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes It doesn't matter if youre straight, gay or bisexual. At the end of the day, its night.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes No matter how kind you are, German children are always Kinder.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes 99.9% of people are dumb. Fortunately I belong to 1% of smart people.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes T have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My boss came to me at lunch: "Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!" I shrugged and said: "Good employees are hard to find."
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. "First offender?" the judge asked. "No" she replied. "First a Gibson , then a Fender".

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