Groanworthy Dad Jokes From Twitter's Corniest Account

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Oct 3, 2021 1:00 PM EDT

My Dad might live three and a half hours away, but that doesn't stop him from assaulting me with the corniest dad jokes imaginable. Sometimes he painstakingly types them out (with little feeling, as Dad's do) and sends them to me at weirdly early hours of the morning. Other times he gleefully sets the joke up on the phone, barely containing his excitement before delivering the punchline. 

If your father figure isn't quite as forthcoming with the cringeworthy humor, you're in luck. There's a whole damn Twitter account dedicated to this kind of corny humor. So you can enjoy the dadliness vicariously whenever the mood strikes.

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    Rectangle - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I heard that you should always look into a mirror before making a big decision. It helps you reflect.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Did you know that T-Shirt is actually an abbreviated version of Tyrannosaurus Shirt... ... because of the short arms.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 05
    Font - Dad Jokes ... @Dadsaysjokes Someone stole all my lamps. You'd think l'd be upset... ..but l'm actually delighted.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My partner asked me if I could stop singing Wonderwall | said maybe.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes | am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes One thing I can't deal with... .is a deck of cards glued together.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a | Tuxedo.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes To the person who stole my place in the queue. I'm after you now.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Someone replaced all of the buttons on the elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 12
    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair. I've heard nothing since.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes In Britain they call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess they're just raised differently.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 14
    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes How much does a rainbow weigh? Not much - it's pretty light
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes It's my wife's birthday next week and she's been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our house. So I got her a magazine rack.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Just got called pretty today! Well, the full statement was "You're pretty annoying", but I focus on the positive things.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes The first annual meeting of camouflage club was a disaster. It looks like no one showed up.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. Told her it's because I can't stand doing it.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I got into a heated argument with a snowman... .in which he lost his cool and had a total meltdown.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I met a ventriloquist at a bar who told me I was attractive. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Social distancing has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear such measures will push someone over the edge.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf Credit: smartassbrickbelter
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes It doesn't matter if youre straight, gay or bisexual. At the end of the day, its night.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 26
    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes No matter how kind you are, German children are always Kinder.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 27
    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes 99.9% of people are dumb. Fortunately I belong to 1% of smart people.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes T have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My boss came to me at lunch: "Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!" I shrugged and said: "Good employees are hard to find."
    via @dadsaysjokes
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    Font - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. "First offender?" the judge asked. "No" she replied. "First a Gibson , then a Fender".
    via @dadsaysjokes

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humor dads dad jokes funny memes dank memes Memes lol dad funny
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