Here's Why Shrek 2 Is The Ultimate Hookup Movie
Before you judge the title of this post, hear me out. In the seemingly neverending era of 'Netflix and Chill,' you gotta be especially open to spicing things up. As amazing as 'The Office' is, we can't keep watching it to lead into our hookups forever. We need something that sets the tone in a non-obvious way. The dynamic duo to get the job, right? Shrek and Donkey, obviously. You also might be wondering why I consider Shrek 2 to be the ultimate hookup movie as opposed to the original. That will come in due time, my young ogres.
Firstly, I want to address how my philosophy came to be in the first place. On another mundane day at work, I was chatting with one of my coworkers when I mentioned hooking up with Shrek 2 in the background. I thought it was a random yet entertaining choice, but she surprisingly confessed that she had also recently hooked up to Shrek 2 as well. Coincidence?! I think not! Something drew us both to Shrek 2, and I intended to figure out exactly what it was. Below is my thorough analysis of why Shrek 2 is so damn sexy, and why it should be your first choice for hookups in the future. May the power of Shrek be with you as you delve into my analysis.
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1
It's actually on Netflix
Who wants to waste time looking for an obscure movie that definitely isn't on Netflix when Shrek 2 is ready to go? Tonight's supposed to be about cutting to the chase, not about wasting time picking a movie that definitely isn't as good as the Shrek franchise. Besides, the two of you have definitely already seen Shrek 2, so you won't have to focus on the plot at all to know what's going on. If your hookup buddy hasn't seen Shrek, then I regret to inform you that you need a new one immediately.
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2
It’s not another cringeworthy rom-com
Sure, you could pick 'How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days' or 'My Best Friend's Wedding' but that's basic and predictable as hell, and your hookup buddy should know that you're *NoT LiKE OthER GIrLs.* Furthermore, Shrek 2 isn't an obvious choice for hookup foreplay, hence you'll be keeping 'em on their toes regarding whether or not it's gonna happen or not. Always keep 'em guessing, babe.
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3
The soundtrack is the bomb
Because you'll barely actually be watching the movie, the soundtrack is integral to setting the mood. Every Shrek soundtrack is the bomb, but Shrek 2 is a whole 'nother level, especially when it opens up with 'Accidentally in Love.' Right off the bat, the soundtrack implies that the hookup buddy in question might just accidentally fall in love with you, so you already know that the Shrek 2 music coordinators are rooting for the two of you to be end-game. In addition, 'Funkytown' and 'Living La Vida Loca' are hella fun to romp around to as the plot progresses. Lastly, Jennifer Sanders' rendition of 'Holding Out For A Hero' as the Fairy Godmother is an iconic battle cry that should be in all our hookup playlists. After all, we're all hanging on by a thread, desperately yearning for a hero from the nightmare that is adulting. The person you're currently in bed with probably isn't that hero, but a girl can dream.
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4
Puss in Boots AKA Antonio Banderas is introduced in Shrek 2
If the Shrek 2 soundtrack isn't enough to get you going, then Puss in Boots's voice most definitely will (played the undeniably sexy Antonio Banderas). If Morgan Freedman is the narrator of our lives, then Antonio Banderas should be the narrator of our hookups. It's only fair. His voice is definitely the ASMR I ordered for tonight.
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5
All characters are hotter in the sequel
The original Shrek is all about embracing yourself, even if you are a hideous ogre. However, in the midst of a hookup, I kindly ask to get TF outta here with that fluffy nonsense. On the off-chance that you look up at the screen during the hookup, all you're gonna wanna see is a hottie with a body. No hate to ogre Shrek, but the human version of Shrek got me feeling some type of way. Human Fiona? A total fairytale babe. And have y'all seen Prince Charming? A fuckboy with luscious hair and mommy issues? He's toxic, and therefore, I can't help being into it. They even turned Donkey into a literal stallion. Here's to hoping your friend with benefits is just as much of a stallion. Tough act to follow, TBH.
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6
You could be cute and quirky mid-hookup, based on the plot
Shrek 2 gives you the opportunity to say quirky things mid-hookup to highlight just how clever you are. Statements I recommend making include the following: "I can't tell if you're giving me Shrek or Prince Charming vibes" or "Would you still be into me if I looked like ogre Fiona?" and finally, "I want you to give me head that takes me Far, Far Away." I guarantee he'll be super into it.
Give me more ideas in the comments, and let me know how making Shrek 2 your first-choice hookup movie changed your sex life for the better.
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