CheezCake

Here's Why Shrek 2 Is The Ultimate Hookup Movie

  • 1

    It's actually on Netflix

    Who wants to waste time looking for an obscure movie that definitely isn't on Netflix when Shrek 2 is ready to go? Tonight's supposed to be about cutting to the chase, not about wasting time picking a movie that definitely isn't as good as the Shrek franchise. Besides, the two of you have definitely already seen Shrek 2, so you won't have to focus on the plot at all to know what's going on. If your hookup buddy hasn't seen Shrek, then I regret to inform you that you need a new one immediately. 

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  • 2

    It’s not another cringeworthy rom-com

    Sure, you could pick 'How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days' or 'My Best Friend's Wedding' but that's basic and predictable as hell, and your hookup buddy should know that you're *NoT LiKE OthER GIrLs.* Furthermore, Shrek 2 isn't an obvious choice for hookup foreplay, hence you'll be keeping 'em on their toes regarding whether or not it's gonna happen or not. Always keep 'em guessing, babe. 

  • 3

    The soundtrack is the bomb

    Because you'll barely actually be watching the movie, the soundtrack is integral to setting the mood. Every Shrek soundtrack is the bomb, but Shrek 2 is a whole 'nother level, especially when it opens up with 'Accidentally in Love.' Right off the bat, the soundtrack implies that the hookup buddy in question might just accidentally fall in love with you, so you already know that the Shrek 2 music coordinators are rooting for the two of you to be end-game. In addition, 'Funkytown' and 'Living La Vida Loca' are hella fun to romp around to as the plot progresses.  Lastly, Jennifer Sanders' rendition of 'Holding Out For A Hero' as the Fairy Godmother is an iconic battle cry that should be in all our hookup playlists. After all, we're all hanging on by a thread, desperately yearning for a hero from the nightmare that is adulting. The person you're currently in bed with probably isn't that hero, but a girl can dream. 

  • 4

    Puss in Boots AKA Antonio Banderas is introduced in Shrek 2

    If the Shrek 2 soundtrack isn't enough to get you going, then Puss in Boots's voice most definitely will (played the undeniably sexy Antonio Banderas). If Morgan Freedman is the narrator of our lives, then Antonio Banderas should be the narrator of our hookups. It's only fair. His voice is definitely the ASMR I ordered for tonight. 

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  • 5

    All characters are hotter in the sequel

    The original Shrek is all about embracing yourself, even if you are a hideous ogre. However, in the midst of a hookup, I kindly ask to get TF outta here with that fluffy nonsense. On the off-chance that you look up at the screen during the hookup, all you're gonna wanna see is a hottie with a body. No hate to ogre Shrek, but the human version of Shrek got me feeling some type of way. Human Fiona? A total fairytale babe. And have y'all seen Prince Charming? A fuckboy with luscious hair and mommy issues? He's toxic, and therefore, I can't help being into it. They even turned Donkey into a literal stallion. Here's to hoping your friend with benefits is just as much of a stallion. Tough act to follow, TBH. 

  • 6

    You could be cute and quirky mid-hookup, based on the plot

    Shrek 2 gives you the opportunity to say quirky things mid-hookup to highlight just how clever you are. Statements I recommend making include the following: "I can't tell if you're giving me Shrek or Prince Charming vibes" or "Would you still be into me if I looked like ogre Fiona?" and finally, "I want you to give me head that takes me Far, Far Away." I guarantee he'll be super into it.

    Give me more ideas in the comments, and let me know how making Shrek 2 your first-choice hookup movie changed your sex life for the better.




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    Eyebrow - Me when I see Shrek 2 LUS

    Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor.

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About the Author

Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.

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