Friend Has Destination Wedding, Surprised That Friend Can't Afford It

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Nov 3, 2021 9:00 AM EDT

Everyone is allowed to get married in pretty much whatever reasonable venue they want. But at the same time, a destination wedding that would require taking a week off isn't exactly something that most people leap at the opportunity to attend. Is it that hard to understand that other people's priorities might not perfectly line up with yours? It's a judgement that shouldn't be surprising. And who expects their friend to save for years for something like this?

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/glbtex 1 day ago 12 AITA for expecting my best friend to save money over 2-3 years to come to my destination wedding? Asste I met my fiancé on vacation and now live abroad. Despite this, my friend and I have kept up regularly and are still best friends. 3-6 months before I was engaged, my partner and I started planning a destination wedding. We didn't want a wedding in either of our home countries and wanted for all of our closest friends and family to get to know one another
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  • 02
    Font - We chose a destination that is notoriously cheap and we hoped to pay for as much as we can for our guests so that their biggest expense would just be flights. We understand that most people can't afford an international flight with 6-12 months notice. So before we were even engaged, we told our closest friends and family our plan to give them time to save. My friend was very excited for the wedding and seemed to be fine with making the destination work. COVID happened and our wedding that
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  • 03
    Font - When I was first engaged, my friend was single. Just over a year later (today) she tells me that her boyfriend and her are getting engaged and having their wedding in 2023. I mention how crazy 2023 will be with so many weddings, not complaining about her date at all because I knew I would make it work for her. She informs me that she will likely not come to my wedding if it's a destination wedding anymore. She says she doesn't have enough vacation days. She explained that she has 3 weeks
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  • 04
    Font - She then says that even though she will have had 3 years notice, that the US inflation has increased 5% and so she cannot afford it in addition to paying for her wedding in 2023 and buying a house in 2022. She also told me that she can't afford her partners flight and he can't either since he doesn't make a lot of money. I asked if she would be willing to come without him. She said no because she didn't want to travel alone. Even after I mentioned that she could travel with one of our mut
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  • 05
    Font - firefly232 · 1d |Certified Proctologist [24] YWBTA if you keep pushing this I think. She's saying 'no' in many different ways here. Essentially, it's not within her budget. Unfortunately this is the downside of destination weddings, you end up with even close people dropping out.
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  • 06
    Font - Docklenator · 1d e Partassipant [1] YTA Dude life happens. You have your dream wedding all planned... But her wedding is probably just as important to her. That's a big expenditure and she has plans. Saving for 2-3 years for someone else's wedding? That is a big ask.
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  • 07
    Font - BеерBlipBlapBloор - 1d @ Professor Emeritass [79] YTA I felt like she was putting me in a position to choose between the wedding I've been dreaming of for the past 2 years and having my best friend there. You put yourself in that position by having a destination wedding. If you're going to make people travel and spend a significant amount of their own money/time to attend your wedding, you're going to have to accept that many people are not going to attend.
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  • 08
    Font - DwightMcRamathorn - 1d Asshe Aficionado [12] This is what happens when you have this type of wedding. YTA If you think everyone can take so much time off work for this. Most weddings are one day PTO maybe two if it's mid week. An international trip is at least a week
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  • 09
    Font - - ollyator · 1d Pooperintendant [67] YTA, expecting people to save for years to be able to attend your wedding is kind of ridiculous. She has her own wedding to plan and pay for, a house to buy. I know your wedding is a big deal to you, but your friend shouldn't jeopardize her finances and sacrifice her vacation time for your wedding. It's your choice to have a destination wedding and that means having to accept that a lot of people won't be in attendance.
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  • 10
    Font - RB1327 - 1d YTA. Even if you were paying for all related expenses to attend (which I think should be the case for destination weddings, period), people still have to take time off from work or their personal lives. Stop haranguing her about this.
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  • 11
    Font - South_Praline4095 - 1d Partassipant [1] YTA. Not everyone is as fortunate as you are to have the finances and time off available to make being a guest in a destination wedding work, even with plenty of notice. When you chose to have your wedding in a place that's expensive and timely to get to, you made the decision that your dream wedding location was more important than the fact that some people might not be able to make it due to those factors. Now you have to live with that decision.
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  • 12
    Font - The__Riker__Maneuver · 1d O Certified Proctologist [22]] YTA for expecting ANYONE to come to your destination wedding I absolutely refuse to go to destination weddings. Lots of people feel the same way You don't get to have a destination wedding AND be pissed that people don't attend.
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  • 13
    Font - Snoo_70668 - 1d YTA. Just take the "no" already. One of my best friends didn't come to my wedding because he had a trip planned. He went on his trip, I got married, we're all still friends.
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