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The Crypto Maniac
This guy won't stop harping on the fact that he got in early with the bitcoin scene. He's in his early 30's, hasn't worked a day since lucking out with all that reserved coin. In fact, he's thinking of retiring altogether because why even work anymore? You aren't interested in bitcoin one bit, but you'll ask him about it, if only to pass the time and pretend you care. But you've been forewarned: the conversation(s) that follow will be droll. If this is still in its early stages, and you're texting back and forth before the anticipated meet-up, please know that he'll share YouTube links. And obscure reddit threads. And a small publicity excerpt where he got his 15 minutes of fame 5 years ago. They are usually some of the sweetest guys, so if you can stand all the bitcoin talk, I'd say go for it.
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The Sugar Daddy
I just had to include him. Nobody likes him. Hell, not even the sugar daddy likes himself. He just has enough accumulated wealth to secure an attractive woman and boost his ego in the process. Albeit, the prospect is tempting—since some sugar daddies require no real-life visits only virtual escapism, and no shame to those that seek out the same escapism—but I'll pass. The idea just reeks of desperation to the point that Instagram has become their primary breeding ground, laying waste a profile bio filled with trite emojis. But you'll find them on Tinder too, passing as a younger version of who they wish they were.
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The (Flat-Out) Broke Guy
This one's smart. He does a stellar job at concealing the fact he doesn't have a penny to his name. Likely, he'll take you out for a late lunch, not a fancy dinner. Or he'll promise you breakfast in the morning and use his roommate's ingredients to prepare said breakfast. Now, don't get me wrong. The broke ones are usually hot, and oftentimes spend their every dime on a nightlife they can't really afford. Just don't expect it to last too long until he can hold down a job and learn the definition of responsibility.
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Mr. Wall Street Himself
Don't rely on this one's timing. Responding to your Tinder messages alone can take days, if not weeks. He'll blame it on his scheduling. He works hard, makes a good living and wants you to know it. This man wasn't the beneficiary to some claimed wealth, he genuinely works hard for his money. He will try to pamper you and call you pretty and make it so that money really isn't an object. Don't get too used to it though, because this type of bro, as we all know, is on the hunt for something "better". Someone more accessible. He'll make a point of mentioning to you he got into this profession purely for the money. And while that confession shouldn't be shamed, it definitely shouldn't be over-advertised.
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The Heir
His family has bank! He's well-known enough to cause heads to turn at a gathering, but not so obvious that you'd faint at the sight of him. No, his inheritance isn't old-school livestock, but will fall into the category of: energy money, sports money, or money-money—which is just a vague way of saying you'll never get all the answers you want about where that dough is coming from. However, not all these fellas bear resemblance to the nasty characters you see on drama shows. Nah. Some actually have integrity, good chemistry, AND two Porsches.
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Your Average Joe
He's your best bet. This guy maybe won't take your breath away upon first meeting him. He has what you would call quirky features and obvious tells. His laugh is cute though! Joe will remember which appetizers you love and which condiments you don't. 90% of Average Joes will reach out to you the next day and try to lock it down ASAP.
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