Student Worries About Professor Disbelieving Their Father Dying, Revealing Toxic Culture Around Grief In College

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 30, 2022 6:00 PM EDT

College is not an easy thing to get through at the best of times. Being expected to learn how to be an adult while dealing with the trials and tribulations of your early twenties is always a rollercoaster, and trying to get a degree in the middle of it can make things even worse.

The experience is frequently a turbulent few years, and there's not often much room for crises if you want to come out the end in one piece. Nonetheless, these things happen and many students are given no choice but to try and work around them. 

This requires a lot of personal strength, and it's vital that the college complies in the process. Unfortunately, though, many institutions and their teachers fall down when it comes to offering sympathy.

The problem was starkly illustrated in a recent Twitter thread, revealing how an anonymous student was frightened that their professor wouldn't believe that their father had died and therefore would penalize them for not doing work.

This bleak anecdote opened the floodgates for a discussion on the unfair reaction that students often received for legitimate extenuating circumstances. While professors might see their fair share of dog-ate-my-homework excuses in their jobs, it's important for them to make an informed decision.


 

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  • 01
    Font - Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. @clapifyoulikeme Professors: students can see the shit you post. reddit.com/r/ AskProfessor... r/AskProfessors u/turboshot49cents · 1h Is my professor gonna think I'm lying about my dead dad? General Advice I hear so many professors joke about their students lying to them about dead relatives to get extensions or makeup tests or whatever. And now my dad is actually dead. Last weekend I rushed home to see him and he died within a few hours of me arriving. Didn'
    via clapifyoulikeme
  • 02
    Font - Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. @... Replying to @clapifyoulikeme My question to professors who act like this is always: what's the worst case scenario if you just accept all excuses? And what's the worst case scenario if you don't? Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. @... As far as I can tell, for the former, it's "someone who probably isn't a very good student anyway gets a free extension," and for the latter, it's "someone who is already in pain has to suffer even more."
    via clapifyoulikeme
  • 03
    Font - Maggs (Your Majesty/Maestro) @mosterberged Replying to @clapifyoulikeme I was snowed in, after the worst blizzard in years, and could even get our car or truck out of the garage; that did not stop my SS101 prof from FAILING ME FOR THE ENTIRE SEMESTER, because he didn't have my final on his desk by 12:00PM. 1/
    via mosterberged
  • 04
    Font - Maggs (Your Majesty/Maestro).. Replying to @mosterberged and @clapifyoulikeme I alled him at his office, told him that my family's farm was snowed in and we couldn't get to town, let alone to someplace 30Omi away. His response? "You failed.I don't care why you failed. You pay the price for failure. You think a business wouldn't fire you if you failed?"2/2
    via mosterberged
  • 05
    Font - Shoshana Kessock @ShoshanaKessock Replying to @clapifyoulikeme I knew a professor who told students that if they asked for an extension for a dead relative, they better bring in a death certificate. And he was serious.
    via ShoshanaKessock
  • 06
    Font - C.A. Petrov aV=01 @FullMetaDuchess Replying to @ShoshanaKessock and @clapifyoulikeme It must be nice to not know how long it takes to get a death certificate.
    via FullMetaDuchess
  • 07
    Font - Tam Guy @TamJGuy Replying to @clapifyoulikeme A prof made some comment IRL about students having "a lot of grandmas these days," to which I said, "Yeah, I do."
    via TamJGuy
  • 08
    Font - Cory @Coryscant Replying to @clapifyoulikeme I had a prof whose dad died during my first term at University. She took two weeks off, and we all felt for her. My mom died several weeks later, and when l'd brought it to my profs to plan for recovery, she was the only one who told me to grow up and not miss any classes. Cory @Coryscant I had a copy of the death certificate with me, she refused to even look at it because "those are so easily faked". It broke me. I couldnt comprehend. My marks
    via Coryscant
  • 09
    Plant - charlie / september / moth @library_fae Replying to @clapifyoulikeme okay so this legitimately happened to me when i was younger, the teacher called my parents to tell them i was "lying about having a dead sister"; i was not
    via library_fae
  • 10
    Facial expression - charlie / september / moth @library_fae Replying to @library_fae and @clapifyoulikeme keep in mind i was SIX why would i be lying about that
    via library_fae
  • 11
    Font - Wife Guy Fawkes @Paul_The_Cote Replying to @clapifyoulikeme I now flat-out tell my students that the due dates are the ideal, but l'll accept anything for full credit right up to the last day of the semester, no excuse needed. They STILL fall over themselves to explain and apologize for late work - the fear has been drilled into them.
    via Paul_The_Cote
  • 12
    Gesture - Blue Jays Moves @BlueJaysMoves Replying to @clapifyoulikeme Some profs are more intent on teaching someone a lesson than on just teaching the lesson.
    via BlueJaysMoves
  • 13
    Font - MariedeGournay @MariedeGournay_ Replying to @clapifyoulikeme My rule was just communicate with me. If a student needed more time (whatever the reason: work; other classes; family; migraine; whatever) just tell me and we can work something out. I can't help if I don't know. But, then, I just taught a lowly composition class.
    via MariedeGournay_
  • 14
    Font - Kaz @UhKaren Replying to @MariedeGournay_ and @clapifyoulikeme Honestly, my classes are too large for this option to be manageable for me! Dropping lowest grades makes it so they don't have to write me and I don't emotionally exhaust myself every semester engaging with every students' struggles.
    via UhKaren

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twitter professor Death excuses teacher mourning education Terrible Teacher college college student
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