Guy Trolls His Match On Tinder, Pretends He's On the Run From Cops, Hilarity Ensues

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mattstaff
Apr 25, 2018 11:00 PM EDT
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  • 01
    Text - Hi Hello hello! Lol what's up? All right enough chitchat, let's put our cards on the table. No, I've never swiped right before. No, none of these pictures are of me. Yes,I've been on the lamb since '09.
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  • 02
    Text - I need to know if I can trust you. I'm so confused Confused? No. Confused was what I was when I walked into that bank brandishing my dads smith and wessun at the ripe young age of 16 The world doesn't forgive Chrissy. It's a cold, hard bitch.
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  • 03
    Text - What are you trying to get out of this conversation? 3 things: A. Can you provide asylum? B. can you cook? am lactose intolerant. C. D0 you love me Um I only just met you Listen Chrissy, I took a gamble on you. I need you to pull through or this could mean the end of the road for me. Let's see, do you know morse code?
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  • 04
    Text - Also, you're going to need an alias. How about Brookfield? WHAT IS HAPPENING I go by the Salamander. I am tall and I have black hair and very pale skin. I will be wearing a disguise when we meet. Look for the signal: I will sneeze three times. You pretend to take a call. I will leave; you follow me at a reasonable distance. Is this understood, Brookfield?
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  • 05
    Text - Yes? Excellent. Our rendezvous will be at this time tomorrow. We need to be out of the city by sundown. Can you drive stick? No I cannot
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  • 06
    Text - This really throws a wrench in our plans,Brookfield. Not to worry, I'll drive, but be prepared to switch seats in the unlikely event that we are stopped by law enforcement. Side note, food should be prepared when we get back to your quarters, before we leave. What are you making? I will remind you, I'm lactose intolerant. I'm still really confused.
    via BroBible
  • 07
    Text - It means I'm allergic to dairy products. Please don't use any of them when preparing the meal. No I know what lactose intolerant means... But what's happening in general It's up to you, I'll eat anything as long as there isn't dairy in it. not about the food... Why are we having this conversation
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  • 08
    Text - Don't get all philosophical on me,Brookfield. I need you focused, sharp as a tack. Nimble, like a cat. None of this existential mumbo jumbo means anything if we don't pull this off. PULL WHAT OFF
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