Step-Mom Tries To Guilt Step-Daughter Into Letting Her Watch Her Give Birth

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/jusstpassingthrough • 24d AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn't stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? Not the A-hole
  • 02
    Font - I've (29f) always had a good relationship with my stepmom (54f) who I'll call Sophia. When I was 7 & my brother was 5, we lost our mom pretty traumatically. My dad met Sophia a few years & lots of family therapy after that. I was 10/11 when he introduced her as a friend & it took 2.5 years before they got married.
  • 03
    Font - Sophia has always been great; she never tried to replace our mom, she left all of our family photos up, was never offended we didn't ask her to come to the cemetery (but came when we did ask). She did my hair for high school dances, watched romcoms with us after breakups, taught my brother to drive, & cried happy tears at both our weddings. She treats my husband like her own son. She's truly a great person.
  • 04
    Font - Which is probably why I feel like such an AH in this situation. I'm 6.5mo along with my & DH's first child. Between the hormones & this new chapter of my life, I have been missing my mom extra fiercely these past months, wishing that she was here with me to meet her grandbaby. I've been visiting her grave a lot just to sit and talk, basically cry about how much I wish she was still here. (I know it's been 21 years but her absence is like a physical ache some days.)
  • 05
    Font - It started a few weeks ago when my dad warned me Sophia had been remarking about being in delivery with me. The next time I saw her, she asked & I gently told her only DH will be in the room with me. Since the first no, she's taken it as an invitation to change my mind. Every time she brings it up, I shut her down gently with a "I appreciate the offer but I still only want DH in the room, we'll let family know when we're ready for visitors."
  • 06
    Font - Then last weekend a couple of my cousins threw a casual coed backyard baby shower that included both my & DH's fams. I overheard Sophia chatting with another of my cousins who's pregnant & Sophia was trying to get her to convince me to have Sophia in the room; my cousin was ignoring her mostly but then I heard Sophia said "a girl needs her mom with her for that." I was probably hormonal/ tired but I was so upset, I finally interrupted & just said, "yes a girl does need her mother, too bad
  • 07
    Font - My dad said he understands my side & supports me no matter what, but that I really hurt Sophia's feelings by what I said & I should at least apologize for that. I do want to apologize but also believe I deserve an apology for not being listened to. It was also the first time I ever really felt like Sophia was trying to replace my mom & I just snapped a little. Idk I feel horrible so maybe I already know the answer but AITA? 4131 494 ↑ Share
  • 08
    Font - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I snapped at my stepmom and kind of rubbed it in that she isn't my real mom (who died 21 years ago) because she kept asking to be in the delivery room with me and wouldn't take no as an answer then went as far as trying to convince my cousin to talk me into it at my baby shower.
  • 09
    Font - pinguthegreek • 24d Certified Proctologist [29] You tried really hard to be considerate of her feelings in this but she's just making a whole load of assumptions and you snapped. You tried to explain it and you assumed because she respected your mum's place that she would get how you feel. That kind of makes Sophia an asshole but I can see she feels a deep love and desire to support you. But having lost my own mum I can understand how you feel not having her here when you're about to be a
  • 10
    Font - MelanatedGemini • 24d NTA...Sofia should have respected your answer the first time and your Dad should've had a word with her when she kept asking and had he, you two wouldn't have ended up where you are. Boundaries and ppl need to respect them. You have nothing to apologize for because those are your feelings. Sophia should be the one apologizing for being so overbearing. Reply 77 ↓
  • 11
    Font - Beck2010 24d Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2 Awards Sophia's feelings wouldn't be hurt if she had simply listened to you and accepted that only you and your husband will be in the delivery room. Instead, she keeps asking and is now trying to get others to intervene on her behalf. It sounds as if you do love her and she has been very good to you over the years. But that does not exclude or support her insistence to be in the delivery room. You need to have a private chat: first with your father a
  • 12
    Font - Snarkandtea4me • 24d First off Congratulations!! ΝΤΑ It very normal to only want your partner in the room, for whatever reason that is. Personally, I would apologize for the way the statement came out, but not the bottom line of the what was said. Even if she was your biological mother, she has no right to try and decide what you will need during your labour and delivery. Again congratulations!! Reply 754
  • 13
    Font - tinny36 • 24d Asshole Aficionado [19] NTA for holding your ground and not wanting her in the room. Maybe you went a bit overboard but it was Sophia's fault for pushing so hard. When you take an action, you need to be prepared for the reaction. Her actions of constantly pestering you about it, finally built up and this was the straw. Yes, apologize if she was hurt but say YOU were hurt and bothered by her constant pressuring you to be in the room. ... Reply 431 ↓
  • 14
    Font - ● Missicat 24d Partassipant [1] NTA, as has been said here before, childbirth is NOT a spectator sport. Yes, you did snap at her but, hey, you are pregnant, missing your mom, and had told her several time the answer was no. Trying to get someone else to plead her case was really over the line. It does sound like the two of yougenerally get along, so hopefully it can be worked out. Please update! + Reply 35

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article