The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022)

It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts.

Parenting is similar. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter.

Ppl w babies: I don’t see why people stop traveling when they have kids! You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, it’s really all in your mindset

Those ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 9, 2022
While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because it’s salty because it has snot in it’s nose and everyone knows that snot is salty….what I’m saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 10, 2022
Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 7, 2022
[my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]
“Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?”
*presses play on Enter Sandman
— Pellymom14 (@JuliePeloquin14) May 11, 2022
We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 6, 2022
My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) May 11, 2022
Nothing says “This parenting gig is easy!” like using my son’s last juice box as a mixer.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 12, 2022
I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. It’s like they don’t even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags I’ve saved for them to inherit someday.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 10, 2022
Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 10, 2022
My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. Is this what good parenting feels like??
— Kay King (@_SouthernMama) May 12, 2022
“When do we learn how to breathe underwater?” My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons.
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) May 11, 2022
My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Dimples are just the cutest thing! I always wished I had dimples

My kid: but you do have dimples! Lots of straight ones

Me: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR
— Emily Chibwana (@emilychibwana) May 12, 2022
Making it rain but you’re a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL
— The Kids Are Not On Fire (@KidsArentOnFire) May 11, 2022
My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys
— Dadology (@Dadology_) May 10, 2022
I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wife’s nose and screams “WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!”
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) May 11, 2022
5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said “while I’m playing, you can watch something” in case you were wondering who’s in charge around here.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) May 11, 2022
Why should you date older single moms? Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job.
— LaFemmeFatali 🦀 (@toomanycommas3) May 11, 2022
I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, “I was just going to do that.” Now I’m waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 11, 2022
My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes weren’t for walking on the water but in it
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼‍♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) May 9, 2022
Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic
— The Dad (@thedad) May 8, 2022

About the Author

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Ada Elder has been creating content for Cheezburger since 2017. Her hobbies include cooking, rescuing cats, and spending money on vet bills. She graduated top of her class in the Navy Seals, and has been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and has over 300 confirmed kills. She is trained in gorilla warfare and is the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to her but just another target.