Italian Girlfriend Refuses To Learn Dutch Boyfriend's Language Because She Claims It's Ugly

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abbyadler
Jul 31, 2022 2:00 PM EDT

Learning a new language isn't a walk in the park, especially when you're older. However, when people move to a new country where their mother-tongue isn't spoken, they make an effort to learn the local language. Some people are better with languages than others, but it's very common for any newcomer in a new country to try to learn the local language, especially if they're planning on staying in the new country long-term. In today's 'Am I the A$$hole?' post, OP told us about how his Italian girlfriend has been living with him in the Netherlands for 5 years, yet still doesn't speak any Dutch. She claims she doesn't care to learn it because everyone speaks English in the area they live in anyways, and that she thinks Dutch is an ugly language. OP got super offended but what she had to say about his language, and now they're in a fight over languages. Scroll down to read this dramatic international relationship story. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmItheAsshole. Posted by u/Bruvikmage 5 hours ago AITA for telling my girlfriend to move back to her own country if she won't learn my language?
    via u/Bruvikmage

    Sounds a little harsh, but read on for context. 

  • 02
    Organism - Help me settle this. I'm Dutch (28m) and my girlfriend is Italian (25f). We live in the Netherlands in a city where you can get by even if you speak only English.
    via u/Bruvikmage

    If we knew we could by on English, we would honestly be too lazy to learn a new language too. 

  • 03
    Font - She is living here for 5 years, and we are dating for almost 2 years. She speaks no Dutch and makes no effort to learn. Even simple phrases/greetings, she won't bother with them.
    via u/Bruvikmage
  • 04
    Font - I didn't really care in the beginning, but as time goes by, I find it strange that someone can live in a place for years and refuse to learn the native language. She says Dutch is difficult, sounds ugly, and she doesn't need it for her work or social life, so what's the point? That's all true, but for some reason it bothers me.
    via u/Bruvikmage
  • 05
    Font - This morning we were talking about where to travel on a holiday, and the topic of language came op. When I suggested showing her a part of the Netherlands that she hasn't seen, it pissed me off when she joked that she wants to go on holiday somewhere she doesn't have to hear Dutch.
    via u/Bruvikmage
  • 06
    Font - It left a bad taste, so I said let's talk about this later and tried to end the conversation. That didn't go as planned. She followed me asking why am I acting like this over a joke, and eventually it turned into a big argument. She asked me why does it matter when pretty much any Dutch person speaks English anyways, why do I even care? I said how would she like it if I moved to her country and refused to learn her language?
    via u/Bruvikmage
  • 07
    Font - She said, "If Italian sounded ugly like Dutch, then I would get it." In the heat of the moment I said, "If that's what you think, then maybe you should move back there." I don't really feel that way, I was just angry. But she said this crossed a line and doesn't speak to me now. AITA for what I said, and also for being pissed that she won't learn my language?
    via u/Bruvikmage
  • 08
    Font - Background_Ad2332 5 hr. ago NTA - to call another language ugly is just rude. She crossed a line by refusing to accept your culture and instead blowing it off as "ugly". I dated a Dutch man living in Australia, (I am American, so we both communicated in English) and I learned several Dutch phrases and words in order to show him how much I cared. It's not hard to embrace other cultures and languages.
    via u/Background_Ad2332
  • 09
    Font - betsycrocker 5 hr. ago Partassipant [1] NTA. I am from the US but live in Portugal now. That is a difficult language to me. I learned all the usual phrases before I came and am picking up new words everyday. Actually with my southern accent it seems like I am making an entire new language. But it seems to mean a lot to people that I am trying. I don't understand how someone can live in a country for 5 years and not speak the language at all. It's not respectful.
    via u/betsycrocker
  • 10
    Font - krombopulos_michael - 5 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] ΝΤΑ. Her rationale is pretty ridiculous and you have every right to be offended.
    via u/krombopulos_michael
  • 11
    Font - shadow-foxe 5 hr. ago Craptain [168] NTA- so what would happen if she got stuck somewhere in your country that doesnt speak as much english?? She'd be stranded and rude to people I bet. I do find it very rude to move to another country and refuse to learn even the basics of the language. You might have been joking but do you really want to spend your life with someone who is so hostile against your homeland??
    via u/shadow-foxe
  • 12
    Font - PurpleWomat. 5 hr. ago Pooperintendant [55] ΝΤΑ After five years, she should have at least learned the basics through osmosis. Not to do so takes a concentrated effort. Do you speak Italian? If not, perhaps you could offer to trade language lessons.
    via u/PurpleWomat

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