Puns are Fun So Here's a Ton

A friend of mine once tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

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    I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

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    Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

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    Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

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    I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

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    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

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    When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

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    I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

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    I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

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    Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

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    A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.

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    I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

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    A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

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    I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

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    I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

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    I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

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    What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

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    Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

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    Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

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    Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.

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    Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.

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    How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

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    I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

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    What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

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    My math teacher called me average. How mean!

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    I am so poor I can't even pay attention.

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    I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

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