Puns are Fun So Here's a Ton

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.

Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

I am so poor I can't even pay attention.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.