'Her grades matter more than her pain': Mom dismisses daughter's injuries from a car accident as justification for low grades

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Oct 3, 2022 3:00 PM EDT

This mother refused to take her daughter's pain seriously after a traumatic car accident and only started to notice something was up after her grades began to slip. This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole subreddit by u/EbbApprehensive1470, who deserves an award for the amount of self-awareness she lacks.

 

We wish we could say we were surprised by this behavior. Helicopter Moms prioritize grades above all else, especially during junior year of high school. What's worse, though, is how dismissive she was of her daughter's pain and how ignorant she chose to be with regard to long-standing chronic pain after an accident like that. It's remarkable that this woman actually sat down and wrote all these facts without thinking to self-reflect and recognize her role in all this. She seemed to genuinely think, "Well, Reddit will agree with me on this," and let's just say that Reddit did not. One comment even questioned if any of this was real based on how ridiculous this mother was acting.

 

For more family drama, check out this story about an entitled Karen with seven kids. Keep scrolling below for the full post and the best comments!

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for telling my daughter that her grades are more important than her pain right now? hole Preface: if I come off as callous it's because I'm trying to be succinct I (46f) have a 16 year old daughter. In July, she was in a car accident. Most of her injuries were mild. She went to the hospital but they let her go home after a few days of observation. But even after we got home, she still complained a lot about pain. I was concerned and took her to our GP but they couldn't find anything
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 02
    Font - Fast forward to yesterday and I got an email from her teacher that's she's constantly despondent in class and laying her head down and not participating. I was already seeing red from that and I decided to check on her grades. She turned in multiple assignments late and lost points on them, which is not at all on par with her typical performance. I confronted her about it and she was really quiet at first, like she didn't know what to say. I pushed her on it and she started talking about
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 03
    Font - She's been in her room since, refusing to talk to anyone. She wouldn't even go to school today. I'm at a loss, she's never been so difficult. And I'm questioning whether or not I'm in the right here. AITA? Edit: I get it, I'm an awful person. I wasn't seeing past the grades and I treated my daughter horribly. Thank you especially to the medical professionals who replied, I had no idea this could be so serious. I've already booked a specialist for two weeks from now (earliest appointment)
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 04
    Font - CanterCircles 18 hr. ago 3 & 8 More (G A hole Aficionado [12] I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event and that she'd be fine in a few days. She stopped complaining about it after that and everything seemed good. So she stopped complaining of pain because you told her to shut up about it. I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bull. She hasn't said a peep about it for two months You assumed because she shut
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 05
    Font - UP DragonCelica 16 hr. ago edited 16 hr. ago & 23 More I was left disabled after a car accident, but I was out of the ER in a couple HOURS. She was in for a COUPLE DAYS?! How does OP not realize how serious that is? OP, why did you dismiss and ignore her pain? Why didn't her GP refer her to a pain specialist and neurologist? Why didn't you advocate for her? Fight for her?
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 06
    Font - Women/girls are not treated as equals in the medical field. She needed you to believe her, and you told her it was in her head. Could you be any more dismissive and condescending? Do you know how many doctors said that to me? I was later told that my soft tissue damage would take longer to heal than if I'd "simply" broken my back.
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 07
    Font - I already know your daughter has been in pain since the accident, but she didn't feel safe in telling you. What proof do I have? HER GRADES AREN'T NORMAL FOR HER. What a coincidence. Chronic pain leeches the joy from your soul. Being happy and lively take energy, and your daughters' is all going into trying to survive each day. She feels isolated, and has no hope that help will come. Depression sets in with the realization that her entire future looks different through the lense of chroni
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 08
    Font - A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T SURVIVE THEIR CHRONIC PAIN, OP. I don't know where I'd be if my mom didn't do everything you're failing to. She knew I wasn't okay, and she fought for me. She didn't stop. What will you lose by listening to your daughter, and giving her the love and support she so desperately needs? Think of what you stand to lose if you don't. 21.1k Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 09
    Font - 8cowfarmwife 15 hr. ago That part alone made me question if the post was even real. If you're staying for a few days after a car accident, it's serious. And of course she would still be in pain after getting home! Hospitals don't wait to release you until you're totally pain free. Either she's a really horrible mother or she's really not thinking clearly or she's making up. 5.0k Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 10
    Font - janefromvegas. 15 hr. ago Ahole Enthusiast [5] A lot of times adults don't believe kids when it comes to their bodies. There's this kind of attitude that kids don't feel pain or something. That their incredible youthly growth hormones and long telomeres are somehow magical in their ability to heal childhood accidents and injuries with no lingering effects. 3.6k Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 11
    Font - Hippopotasaurus-Rex 14 hr. ago Also, women, especially young women, are far less likely to be believed about pain, than male counterparts. 5.5k Reply Share n3m3s1s-a 14 hr. ago which has always been weird to me because you'd think the group that gets painful cramps a week or more every month would handle pain better so if they're complaining about pain it's more serious 2.0k Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 12
    Font - DataIsMyCopilot. 14 hr. ago A hole Enthusiast [7] The men that write off women's pain are likely a lot of the same ones who think women are faking it about period pain too 1.7k Reply Share n3m3s1s-a 14 hr. ago also the same ones who are out of commission from a head cold Imao 1.2k Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 13
    Font - YukariYakum0 14 hr. ago. edited 14 hr. ago Happened to me. Was in 5th grade music class when my ear started ringing nonstop. Went to nurse and called Mom who was a teacher at another school. Mom said I was blowing it out of proportion to get out of class but she said she'd get me at the end of the day. Was wreck for the rest of the day. Fortunately my teachers were understanding and let me lay my head on my desk and nap till the end of the day. Mom picked me up from school and took me to
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 14
    Font - FernFellow 17 hr. ago I seriously don't understand how OP could read their own post and say "yep none of what I have said or done has contributed to this situation at all. Surely telling my child they are faking pain would get them to open up about said pain and not completely shut down" Like how f YTA 4.9k dense could you be?? Reply Share
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470
  • 15
    Font - Comfortable_Stick520 16 hr. ago Part Cipant [1] Occupational therapist and brain injury specialist here! If she was in the hospital for a few days from a MVA, she likely has at least a mTBI. Get her into a neurologist for that, a neuro optometrist to assess her vision, and a mental health professional with TBI experience. Brain injuries cause deficits in what's called executive functioning, which is decision making, prioritizing, getting things done on time etc. I'm curious about her vest
    via u/EbbApprehensive1470

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