Cruel Parents Make Their Son's Birthday Party All About His 'Golden Child' Sister

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 18, 2023 11:30 AM EST

Favoritism is an issue a lot of kids deal with. I can't imagine how horrible it feels to feel like your parents care about one of your siblings more than you. For many of us, we can see areas where our parents might treat our siblings differently than they treated us, but outright favoritism is more rare and so much worse than passing inequities. The phenomenon can border on neglect when parents put the needs of one golden child over the black sheep child. This treatment causes resentment between siblings, and seriously damages the self-esteem of the child on the neglected end of this dichotomy. Redditor u/Worried-Pizza6682 knows about this dynamic all too well, and the 15-year-old is often put on the backburner by his parents in order to accommodate the whims of his 7-year-old sister. He came to Reddit to share his devastating story of his sweet sixteen birthday party plans going haywire. 

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for making a big deal about my birthday and saying I do not want it to be made all about my sister?
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 02
    Font - I'm (15m) turning 16 in less than a month and my parents had talked about throwing me a party with my friends and family there to celebrate and I let myself get excited about it, which I am starting to feel was dumb on my part. See I have a little sister Ava and she's 7. She was a baby my parents tried to have for a few years after I was born, but struggled and then she was born premature and almost died. It meant my parents had to put a lot of time into her when she was little. It meant
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 03
    Font - Some examples of it (but not all): Two years ago for Christmas I really wanted a PS5. I made a deal with my parents that if I saved up x amount of money, they would pay the rest for it as a gift. A drop came close by us and I had the money. Mom told me that Ava needed a haircut and they wanted to pamper her a little because she'd been to the developmental pediatrician which she hates. So the money that would have gotten the PS5 went on her and I never got the PS5. Instead I got some cloth
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 04
    Font - My high school did an award ceremony in May to celebrate students who help make the school better. I was given one for helping others in school and acting as a mentor of sorts. Ava's school play was on the same day and both of my parents chose to go to the school play instead of the award ceremony. They didn't even remember to ask me about it when I got home.
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 05
    Font - My birthday's have always been more aimed at something Ava will enjoy too. We do Chuck E Cheese where I can bring a friend, or they hire a bounce house for family to come over, but always a smaller one which means I don't get to enjoy it because younger kids and small bounce house. The spotlight always goes to her at least once. She's blown out my birthday candles since she was 2.
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 06
    Font - This year I really thought it would be different. All the plans were sounding really fun too. Then my parents found out Ava was being bullied in school and was having a rough time. They told me she wasn't looking forward to anything, including my party, and that they thought it would be nice to do something she could enjoy, and give her some of the spotlight on the day, where we assure her she's loved and wanted. I told them it was my birthday and I thought they wanted me to enjoy it.
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 07
    Font - They told me they do, but Ava needs this and that as her big brother I should be thinking about how to make her feel special. I told them I deserve to feel that way too. Then I told them if they were going to do this to me again, I was done. I told them not everything needs to be about Ava. That she might be their whole world. She might be their whole focus in life. But she is not mine. My parents got so mad at me. AITA?
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 08
    Font - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I made a big deal out of celebrating my birthday and wanting it to be about me and not my sister, Ava, who has been a priority for my parents since she was born. The reason I feel like I'm the asshole is none of this is Ava's fault. But I know I'm resentful and I know I have kind of just shut down now that they want to do this, and I know it's like an ultimatum or whatever. Part of me feels like I'm bei
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 09
    Font - AnnaBananner82 • 4h NTA; your parents are majorly failing you. + Reply 52
    via u/AnnaBananner82
  • 10
    Font - karendonner . 3h Asshole Aficionado [12] And Ava. She is being raised in a way that will cause her to be rejected and isolated due to her entitled behavior and unable to really even understand why. All she's learning now is how to manufacture a reason to co-opt any plans that don't already revolve around her. Look at what she did here. She specifically targeted her brother's party, knowing how much it meant to him: waaahhh I'm being picked on in some vague and unverified way and I just ca
    via u/karendonner
  • 11
    Font - No normal little girl is naturally that purely mean. OP you deserve so much better. You are clearly a good and kind person. If you have good friends who understand the situation, maybe ask if they are able to arrange something that does not involve your family? It would not be financed by your family but something simple like a dinner party where you all work together to cook something fun.
    via u/karendonner
  • 12
    Font - (edited because we don;t need giant long story about some other kid) Giving your friends a chance to step up for you might not result in a legendary birthday party ... that kind of thing has to kind of happen or not happen... but I'm pretty sure they have seen you suffering and want to help but don't know how.
    via u/karendonner
  • 13
    Font - chocomoofin. 5h Your feeling neglected is 100% valid. There are enough comments on here talking about the obvious 'Golden Child' issue at hand. Do you have any other friendly adults you can talk to about this? Aunts/Uncles, Grandparents, Family Friends? Even the school counselor is better than nothing. Anyone that heard about this should know what your parents are doing is wrong.
    via u/chocomoofin
  • 14
    Font - They are trying to be overprotective/ over accommodating of your sister at the direct expense of you. There are exactly Zero happy endings to this kind of dynamic for anyone involved. Hopefully your parents can have some sense talked into them by someone else. Unfortunately parents like this rarely listen to the child they are neglecting.
    via u/chocomoofin
  • 15
    Font - Worried-Pizza6682 OP. 5h My grandpa (my dad's dad) has tried to talk to my parents on my behalf before. He's probably the only adult member of my family who never found the whole thing cute and adorable. But they don't listen to him. I know he actually fought with my dad over me and how my parents were treating me vs Ava. It made no difference to anything. G 267
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 16
    Font - tossmetossme13. 5h 2 Awards Nta, there are 364 other days in a year to do something special for ava. + Reply 178 178
    via u/tossmetossme13
  • 17
    Font - Nta Team_Hermit. 5h It's your birthday, therefore it's your choice. Ava will always be the golden child so just work hard at school and as soon as you can, leave and don't look back. Try and make a good relationship with friends and family that see you as a person in your own right. Like someone else said, just kill off the party altogether and get together with some friends for an unofficial party a few days later. Take care - you sound like you're turning into an amazing adult. ... + Re
    via u/Team_Hermit
  • 18
    Font - Moni_CSM • 4h You could go to a park with them and have a picnic. Or can you go for a little hiking trip with friends and a picnic? My daughters love to do that. Your sister is the golden child. Unfortunately, your parents will only realise their mistakes when you cut them off and don't help them in old age. ... + 4257
    via u/Moni_CSM
  • 19
    Font - Worried-Pizza6682 OP 5h My friends are great. The hardest part with them is when I can only have a friend at my parties and I have to choose between them because we're all tight. They never blamed me for any of it though. They have also given me some really great birthday gifts (and not all of them were stuff either sometimes they paid for me to go someplace cool with them). + G 558 558
    via u/Worried-Pizza6682
  • 20
    Font - LuLuDeStruggle. 5h NTA. I feel this so hard. SO EFFING HARD. My youngest brother was born 9 years after me- two days before my birthday. That meant my parents never celebrated my birthday. The last time I had any kind of birthday party as a child was when I was 8, and I remember it with clarity: my whole class had been invited, we had a water gun war, pin the tail on the donkey, cake and ice cream, and all. Since baby bro was born, his birthday (two days before mine, remember) was celebra
    via u/LuLuDeStruggle
  • 21
    Font - One year, when I was 14, they literally rented out a bowling alley for each of my brothers, invited their entire classes, had presents and a buffet and everything. And for me? I could have one (1) friend over for a sleepover, eat the leftovers from the youngest's party the day before, and open a glittery pink card that said "we love you daughter" with a $5 bill inside.
    via u/LuLuDeStruggle
  • 22
    Font - The instant a youngest miracle baby is born, the child who is perceived as being the most mature/ responsible (you as the eldest, me as the only girl in the family) is hung out to effing dry. I feel for you. Back when I was a kid, the only thing that really helped was my friends, who actually pooled their allowances to get me something small to celebrate at school when we could meet-one year cupcakes, one year a book I had been wanting, etc. I hope you have a supportive friend group who k
    via u/LuLuDeStruggle
  • 23
    Font - ETA: Many of you are asking how I am with my family now. I'm still on good terms with my mom. As an adult, I talked to both my parents about how they treated me and the more examples I listed (aside from birthdays, like the fact I was the only one who had chores) they finally realized how their behavior had affected me. My mom is the only one who actually apologized and tried to make it right, while my dad doubled down and said girls didn't need as much family support as boys did (blah bl
    via u/LuLuDeStruggle
  • 24
    Font - Elvis Cresposblanket. 5h Asshole Aficionado [10] NTA... Unfortunately, you are the black sheep and Ava is the Golden Child. But at least you only have to endure 2 more years of BS until you got college. Afterwards, if you choose to do so, you can cut them off from your life and have Ava deal with them. ... + Reply 1.1k
    via u/ElvisCresposblanket
  • 25
    Font - Scorchie Song . 5h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Don't rely on your parents for any money, no mater what promises they made. You've been burned by them redirecting money for Ava's comfort before. 4565 +
    via u/ScorchieSong
  • 26
    Rectangle - sigharewedoneyet. 2h I was thinking the same thing. OP does not have a college found but you can bet that Ava does. ... + 4202 202
    via u/sigharewedoneyet
  • 27
    Rectangle - juliaskig. 2h This post is heart breaking. They are not doing any favors to either of their kids. OP is going to go NC when he gets old enough and parents are going to wonder why. + 419
    via u/juliaskig
  • 28
    Font - ScorchieSong . 5h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] NTA. They have two kids, not one and you deserve attention sometimes. They're raising you to resent your sister, and if she's picked up on that she will be made a fuss of when she wants it, that's going to be rough for you. + Reply 2.8k 2.8k
    via u/ScorchieSong
  • 29
    Rectangle - thepigfish82. 2h She's probably getting bullied because she makes a fuss at school when she doesn't get her way. + 41k 1k
    via u/thepigfish82
  • 30
    Font - AprilRain24 1h I was thinking the same thing. She's learned ways to get what she wants when she's at home. But those same tactics are causing her problems at school. + 215 215
    via u/AprilRain24

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