A Candidly Witty Collection of Unorthodox Conversations Held in the Unstable Part of Courthouses

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  • 01
    Font - "Do you have any mental health issues getting in the way of your understanding today?" "Yeah I've got asthma."
  • 02
    Font - Potential juror: "I am a yoga teacher and I pick up on energies and right now I'm feeling a deep painful energy from the victim."
  • 03
    Font - Defendant's Attorney (explaining why his client wouldn't have understood an eviction process): "I'll even stipulate to the fact that my client is pretty stupid."
  • 04
    Font - (domestic relations case) "This baby is very important to me, but I'm not sure if she's my daughter, my niece, or my cousin."
  • 05
    Font - Defendant to judge: "I feel really judged right now."
  • 06
    Font - Potential juror (claiming a hardship): "I'm an instagram influencer. People have already recognized me this morning." Judge: "That's what I'll do when I retire, be an influencer."
  • 07
    Font - (Cross examination defendant regarding a prior hearing) of a pro se Prosecutor: "You swore on the Bible to tell the truth, correct?" Defendant: "No. It was on a video call.”
  • 08
    Font - Judge: "How many in your home that you are financially responsible for? Defendant: "I'm going to say three. I have a dog, a lizard, and a female."
  • 09
    Font - Legal Aid Attorney: "I'll grab the file from the office, do you need anything else?" Colleague: "The will to live, but you can't bring me that."
  • 10
    Font - Court Staff: "Can the state hear me? Are you there?" State: "Sorry, my computer is working about as well as my first marriage. The State is ready."
  • 11
    Font - Attorney: "Your honor, the parties do not have any children together." Defendant (angrily): "EXCUSE ME, WE HAVE A DOG!"
  • 12
    Font - Judge: "How did you hear about your warrant?" Defendant: "My mother-in-law ran a background check on me."
  • 13
    Font - Defense: "So, you're saying the victim won the fight?" Witness: "Facts."

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