Update: Horrible Parents Don’t Tell Daughter About Her Education Fund, She Finds Out in the Worst Way

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - AITA for not giving my daughter her education fund money? I (54M) have two children (23F and 21M) with my wife (52F). When the kids were young, my parents set up education funds for both of them, which was very generous of them. My wife and I always expected our kids to attend college and then graduate school, as we have done. I have a PhD, my wife has a master's. Because of this, we decided not to use the funds for our kids' undergrad degrees and did not tell them about the money.
  • 02
    Font - My daughter has always been more into the liberal arts, while my son is more of a STEM guy. My wife and I worried about her ability to find a job, but she insisted on studying music and film in college. She was accepted to some top schools and chose to attend a rather expensive one, but she had scholarships to cover almost all of her tuition. Everything else, plus living expenses, was her responsibility. She lived in a very small apartment shared with friends in a not-so-nice area far fro
  • 03
    Font - My son decided to do engineering, and he also expressed that he had no interest in grad school. My wife and I were disappointed, but accepted it since at this point he is already all set up with a very good job when he completes school. Since he did not receive as many scholarships as his sister, we decided to use his education fund to cover his tuition and living expenses. He was able to get a large and nice apartment of his own close to the school, which is important since his classes a
  • 04
    Font - My daughter was confused and asked how he could afford this, and he told her about the education fund. She called us and asked why she didn't have one, and we told her she did, we just didn't use it because we hoped she would attend grad school. She seemed hurt by this and asked if there was any way she could have the money now. We explained that there would be a fee to simply withdraw the money for non- education uses, and if we chose to do that it would belong to her grandparents so the
  • 05
    Font - Dinosaur_Doctor 17 hr. ag 22 & 6 More 6 YTA and Im surprised between your PHD and Masters degrees you couldn't figure that out. 55.6k Reply Sha
  • 06
    Font - Language_Calm. 16 hr. ago MASSIVE YTA. I feel for your daughter - it would be super hurtful to hear that your parents could have helped you but chose not too. You're a PHD for sure but not the educational type. 8.7k Reply S
  • 07
    Font - kindcrow 14 hr. ago [67] Pooperintendant And the worst part was that the daughter was PUNISHED for getting scholarships and had to live area with in a roommates while the son had a nice apartment on his own in a good area. Part of this is, I believe, judgment against her choice of going into the humanities as opposed to her brother who went into engineering (and the implication that his studies were more rigorous). The other part of this is their misogyny. They believe their son is more i
  • 08
    Font - LionsTigersBearsOHMY. 13 hr. ago But it's "important because his classes are so demanding and he needs a comfortable space to work." cue eye roll 5.3k Reply Share
  • 09
    Rectangle - ReviewOk929 17 hr. ago YTA oh dear, just goes to show you that having PhD and a Masters does neither make you a good parent or smart in anyway. 18.5k Reply Share
  • 10
    Font - ugh0000000 17 hr. ago . So let me get this right...your daughter attended college and had a scholarship. Your son attended college with no scholarship. You chose to not let your daughter use her college fund for everything that her scholarship didn't cover and you let your son use his for everything. The college fund you said "wasn't even her money" but isn't yours either!! What exactly do YOU plan to do with HER college money? YTA FOR THIS. 16.6k Reply Share
  • 11
    Font - He Who_Is_Right_ 17 hr. ago S Do you know why all that you did seems unfair to your daughter? Because it is unfair to your daughter. You had the ability to use the funds to cover her living expenses during undergraduate. (This, of course, is a bit bizarre. Are you a trustee of a trust? Or did the grandparents set up a 529 plan and give you full control over it.) Yet you did not even tell your daughter about these funds. Talk about a faithless trustee.
  • 12
    Font - At this point, you need to grovel. You need to apologize for substituting your judgment as to the best way to use the funds for your daughter's judgment. You need to make amends. Then you need to circle back and see what the terms of your parent's bequest were. (And, honestly, I'd get an attorney to do this for you as you've already demonstrated your judgment is beyond suspect.) Most trusts have provisions for disbursement of the corpus if the purposes cannot be fulfilled. I doubt, honest
  • 13
    Font - And don't even get me started on the favoritism. You use the funds for your son to enjoy a cushy life during his undergraduate studies but didn't do the same for your little girl? Really? Seriously? In case there was any doubt, YTA truly and completely. 12.1k Reply Share
  • 14

    An Update from OP!

    Font - UPDATE: I understand the consensus is that my wife and I are the AH. I texted my daughter to ask if she wanted us to withdraw the money for her/what she wanted to do. This was her response: "I don't care. Maybe they can transfer it to [other grandkid who is 5] if the fee is seriously too much. Idk about grad school I haven't thought about it much recently. If I do apply it wouldn't be for another couple years and I hadn't been counting on having any financial help in the first place so it
  • 15
    Font - UPDATE 2: My wife and I are discussing our daughter's response and our next actions to resolve this situation. For context, my wife has always had a strained relationship with my daughter and did not approve of many of her life choices. She believes we should take our daughter's words at face value and assume she no longer wants the money. From some of the responses here, I fear that my daughter's response was out of resentment and I suggested taking out as much money as her brother was g
  • 16
    Font - Many have asked about where my parents stand on this. At this point, they are not mentally aware enough to really participate in the discussion. They did know about our grad school stipulation and thought it was fine. They also knew that we took out some money for our son once we were certain he was not pursuing an advanced degree, and were fine with that as well. They said it was our decision as parents what to do with our daughter's fund, and they would support whatever we decided for h

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article