Strong Mother Stands Up to Teacher Who Tried to Make Her Daughter Babysit a 'Problem Child' on a Field Trip

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  • 01
    Font - 2 am r/AmltheAsshole u/surroundsound1 • 17h 21 AITA for pulling my daughter from a waterpark trip because her teacher made her stay with a kid she doesn't like?
  • 02
    Font - My daughter Bryn F9 is going on a trip to a nearby water park with her class next week. She loves water and has been talking about it for months, so I was a bit thrown off when she came home crying a few days ago and told me she didn't want to go. I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me because she thought I'd think she's a "bad person." When I finally coaxed it out of her, she said her teacher "Ms. N" has forced her to be the "buddy" of her classmate "Ben" for the entirety of the trip.
  • 03
    Font - I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to. Unfortunately this wasn't my first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a "behavior buffer" for the naughty boys until | threatened to report her to the superintendent. It's clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing gi
  • 04
    Font - I immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions. She sent me back an email with a bunch of bs that basically ended with "if Bryn goes on the trip, she has to be Ben's buddy!" Fine. I informed her Bryn would not be attending then. I immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends.
  • 05
    Font - What happened next I wasn't expecting. Bryn is quite popular, so I have gotten to know a lot of the moms in her class. When I let them know what Ms. N did, some of them were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. In total, eight kids (out of a class of twenty) are either not going, or going with us. Today I got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn't going, they either have to raise the cost for the other students or not go at all. Sh
  • 06
    Font - My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I've already gotten my way. He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they've been waiting for all year. The thing is, if this wasn't Ms. N's first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully this will put a stop to it. Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husban
  • 07
    Font - UPDATE: Bryn WAS the only student assigned a "buddy." The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted.
  • 08
    Font - ieya404 • 17h Pooperintendant [60] 3 Awards Am I alone in suspecting that the teacher isn't so much feeling bad about what she did, but faintly terrified of either having to explain to her superiors why the trip is suddenly in jeopardy, or the backlash from other parents when it comes out why the trip she organised has fallen apart?
  • 09
    Font - Not to mention that if you've booked VIP tickets, I'm going to guess that if you DID cancel your plans to suit her, you'd end up paying twice over - once for the school tickets, and again for the VIP tickets you've already bought? NTA. I'd stick with a simple "Sorry, I've already commited to and paid for my own arrangements for that date now" (with a possible unless other parents ask and you actually can rearrange without significant personal loss). Reply 23.8k
  • 10
    Font - Mid Century Mayhem 16h Partassipant [3] ● 1 Award No, I agree with this. OP's husband is wrong in his assertion the teacher feels bad. She feels bad that her plan to use OP's daughter backfired so spectacularly, and she now looks as if she can't manage even the basics of a field trip. 9.5k
  • 11
    Font - myironlions 15h Partassipant [1] Yes. If OP backs down the teacher will at best learn not to do this to OP's kid, but will learn no bigger lesson. At least if OP stands their ground, the school and other parents (including Ben's) have a faint chance of learning how poorly the teacher understands her job and what a disservice she's doing while there's still time to correct it. 3.6k
  • 12
    Font - Particular-Studio-32 13h ● S 5 Awards As a teacher who's worked with this kind of teacher, at best she will learn to not give advance warning. Her "mistake" in her mind was telling Bryn before the trip. She needs to feel the full weight of the consequences of her choices or she will absolutely do it again to some other kid.
  • 13
    Font - OP, please also watch out for retaliation. Make sure your daughter knows that she can tell you absolutely anything at all. This is not her battle to fight, but you can't fight it if you don't know what's happening, so of she's ever uncomfortable at all she can come to you for help figuring it out and deciding if it's something she can handle or something that's you should handle.
  • 14
    Font - 13h myironlions Partassipant [1] That's a good point. It's concerning that Bryn was worried about not being a good person and didn't want to tell. Maybe that just came from Bryn, but maybe it came from the teacher suggesting Bryn wasn't nice if she didn't comply, or saying / implying she shouldn't tell her parents. That's alarming if it's what happened, and would be a whole other issue to address. 2.4k
  • 15
    Font - Lyrehctoo I could definitely see this teacher saying "it would be so nice if you to be Ben's buddy on the trip" and the daughter then thinking it would be not nice if she didn't want to be his buddy. 12h . ... 692
  • 16
    Font - ReviewOk929 • 16h Asshole Aficionado [19] On "Bryn WAS the only student assigned a "buddy." The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted." I mean just this is the only reason you need to be NTA. I'm really bowled over by anyone who would think this is in any way acceptable. Teacher is a piece of work ... Reply 13.5k
  • 17
    Font - nrith - 13h . One of my girls was always put in similar situations until my wife stepped in and demanded that the school stop it. The school more or less admitted that the students who were paired up with my daughter were difficult for the teachers to handle, and that my daughter was very good at calming them down from temper tantrums and at providing other emotional support. That's not our daughter's job--that's the school's job.
  • 18
    Font - Edit: I want to clarify that my daughter was buddied up with boys and girls pretty equally. She was very close friends with one of the girls, and it was incredibly difficult for her to tell the teachers and us that she just couldn't handle it, and that it wasn't fair. She felt like she was betraying her best friend by not wanting to be around her all day at school. ... 4.9k
  • 19
    Font - CatieLewWho 13h Partassipant [1] I got myself out of this situation as a kid. In middle school I realized what was happening and started encouraging their bad behavior. I got sent to the principal, explained what was happening, and they didn't partner me again. I did the same thing in high school and had the same conversation with that principal and, again, no one pulled that on me 42.3k
  • 20
    Font - Charlie Brodie 12h ● I only recently realised that they tried to make me the calm one next to a fairly disruptive kid in the third grade. It backfired and I went from calm to disruptive, I never grew out of of being cheeky. 41.2k ...
  • 21
    Font - Illustrious-Light-66 - 13h As a teacher, this makes me cringe! It's not the students job to provide emotional support for students that can't regulate! I have difficult students and I try to rotate who they work with. I can't exclude them from group activities but I am also not going to ask the same kid to be the fall back! I will try my best to support them all and get councilors help needed. Your child should have never been put in that position, no matter how wonderfully she can calm s
  • 22
    Font - peppered_yolk • 11h And what about Ben? It would be humiliating to find out you were the only kid assigned a "babysitter" because you're so unpopular. ETA: I agree Bryn is not responsible to watch him, I just wanted to add how the teacher is hurting several students in the class by this decision. All around bad decision of the teacher and OP is NTA for so many reasons. .. 4361
  • 23
    Font - Sandi375 17h Partassipant [2] ● She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn't make Bryn do anything she didn't want to do. So, this is the part that gets me. Ms. N wasn't willing to make any changes until it affected her. Because now the other kids and their parents are going to blame her, so she has repercussions. That's the reason why she agreed to let Bryn be free of Ben. Not because it was the right thing to do, bu
  • 24
    Font - I think the whole situation sucks. Ben doesn't have anyone to go on rides with, so instead of putting the kids into groups of 4 where everyone could be with friends and still include Ben, she doubled down and tried to force her hand. I feel bad for these kids. NTA. ... Reply 6.9k
  • 25
    Font - Due-Cause6095 - 15h Partassipant [1] This would've been an amazing way for the teacher to foster inclusivity, without saddling one student with the burden of being "buddied" with what sounds like a difficult student. Sad she didn't think of an approach like that. 41.5k 1.5k
  • 26
    Font - LopsidedBarracuda623 . 14h What concerns me about the teacher's plea is the comment "she won't make Bryn do anything she didn't want to do...". Until the day of the trip when she will most likely guilt sweet 9 year old Bryn, and make her feel like an awful person if she doesn't babysit Ben. I am a big supporter of teachers. Their job is not easy, and I understand the tremendous effort it takes to meet each students needs. As a mom of girls we had our share of excellent, and grossly unprof
  • 27
    Font - Other options the teacher had before putting Bryn in the role of caregiver: ● ● ● ask bens parents to come along and supervise him. Explain the behavior issue and say if they cannot come, he cannot go. Most schools have such measure in place for kids like Ben. -tell the administration they need an aid for the day. ask for extra adult chaperones. Usually room moms have a good read on kids like Ben and are willing to help. (I was a room mom and help in these situations many times.) buddy gr
  • 28
    Font - My only other concern for OP is that Bryn's absence on the trip may be considered an unexcused absence with district/state. In most US school districts the rules on absences are unbending. Perhaps consider calling your kiddo in "sick" and staying home that day and changing your ticket date with friends to another day. Then, I would definitely report this incident to the principal. 4501 ...
  • 29
    Font - VioletDaisyAMJ. 17h Partassipant [1] 1 Award ΝΤΑ Bryn is NINE. Ms. N should be the one helping the boys in the class learn better behavior. What a terrible precedent to set for the young women of the future. Not only are you right, you should detail this and her other actions to the superintendent. She is shirking her duties as an educator and reinforcing archaic gender roles. Reply 4.3k
  • 30
    Font - Building Bridges23 17h Partassipant [2] NTA-I was used as a behavior buffer as a kid many times. Well behaved kids should not be punished...and made to feel guilty about not wanting too. I would have done the same thing! Reply 3.3k

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