"What In The Bloody Hell Is That?!" - 30 Cheeky Animal Anecdotes To Read Through Instead Of Finishing The Workday

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Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Feb 24, 2023 2:00 PM EST

Hello, fellow animal lovers! Have you ever wanted to know some fun (and useless) facts about some of your favorite animals? Do we have some pawsome animal anecdotes to share with you? You betcha! Are you looking for some good icebreakers for that next awkward silence? Well if so, then this post is exactly the thing for you.

These animal anecdotes might not be the most useful, but they're sure to bring a smile to your face. After all, who doesn't love a good laugh? They're perfect for Friday when you're in the mood to be silly and not get any work done. Send them to your coworkers and start an office riot so you can leave work early! Do it! 

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  • 01
    Penguin - What the bloody hell is a Penguin? Penguins vomit on their own children for fun Penguins live in the most remote areas of the world because they are socially awkward Penguins don't pay tax Penguins have wings but don't bloody use them. Penguins are just panda chickens Penguins are allergic to beach holidays, capitalism and the music of chumbawamba Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 02
    Bird - What The Bloody Hell Is A Seagull? Seagulls are just pigeons that are possessed by demons. • The average Seagull is 3 storeys wide. They feed on chips and a child's fear. •Seagulls can piss off Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 03
    Bat - What The Bloody Hell Is A Bat? . A bat is like someone made a squirrel out of duck I mean what is going on here? • Is it a bird? Some form of hamster bird No it's like a moth mixed with a cat • Some sort of bear wasp maybe Dave
    via haroldst, Dave

    Seriously though, what is going on with bats? They're so strange looking. They're cute and not cute at the same time. Are they friends? Are they going to suck our blood? We're confused.

  • 04
    Bird - What the bloody hell is an ostrich? The word 'Ostrich' in latin translates to 'massive horror chicken' The ostrich is one of the fastest land birds in the world because other birds are sensible enough to fly An ostriches neck is so long that they accidentally swallow 17 umbrellas a year Ostriches can fly but it's really difficult to get them on the airplane, Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 05
    Organism - What the bloody hell is an Otter? • Otters are some sort of seal cat. • An otter can not survive in space by itself. • Otters hold hands when they sleep because they just like to be held. A group of Otters is called a street gang. • Otters wouldn't vote for Donald Trump. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave

    Maybe we're an otter because all the things on this list are also true about us: we also like to be held, cannot survive in space by ourselves, and we didn't vote for Donald Trump. Only one person described us as a seal cat, but it's stuck with us since then.

  • 06
    Organism - What the bloody hell is a crab? • If you hold a crab up to your ear you can hear what it's like to be attacked by a crab up close • The collective noun for crabs is a 'bloody hell' • Crabs can breathe underwater because they are hardcore and ignore the laws of nature • A crab's claws are strong enough to completely murder a Babybel Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 07
    Bird - What the bloody hell is AN OWL • An Owl is a Pigeon filled with anger and knowledge. Basically a violent balloon covered in feathers. • An Owl's natural predators are hurricanes and wizards. • Owls live for 300 years if they don't die first. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 08
    Arthropod - What is the point of flying ants? ● There is no point to flying ants • Bastards They don't contribute anything to the UK economy • Bastards ● Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 09
    Plant - What the bloody hell is a sheep? Basically some sort of cloud horse • The plural of sheep is sheeps or sheeplings • The collective noun for a group of sheeps is a 'why did you bring all these sheeps into the library? ● Sheeps really like Coldplay which makes them just awful. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 10
    Bird - What the bloody hell... is a Bald Eagle? • A Bald Eagle is what happens when you stuff a duck full of America. A baby Bald Eagle is called a Egglet. A Bald Eagle can scream as loudly as William Shatner Bald Eagles have been known to attack goats, children, sharks and the moon. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 11
    Bird - SWAN FACTS •Originally called Long Ducks Can break a mans arm using only its mind Can't get a UK passport There are over 7 swans in the wild The Queen is 70% swan •Cannot speak English Hiss at children •Unreliable as postmen
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 12
    Goat - What the bloody hell is a Llama? • Basically a sheep giraffe • A llama's natural predators are aubergines and greasy unmanageable hair • A baby llama is called a llama bean • A fully grown llama can have over 150 teeth if it starts collecting teeth Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 13
    Organism - Deadliest Pests Number 1: SPIDERS Spiders have 8 legs because they are complete sods • A spider can jump up to 8 feet in the air if it gets stuck on a trampoline • The best way to deal with a spider is to set everything on fire • A spider is basically an ultra violent glove • Remember spiders are more scared of you than you are of them which must be a lot because I am bloody terrified of spiders Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 14
    Horse - Horse Facts • The Plural of Horse is Heese ● • Horses can run as fast as a London Midlands train during rush hour • Horses have 5 knees • All horses will respond to Jim • The smallest horse ever was actually just really far away A Horse's sight is based on movement In 1903 a Horse was voted Mayor of Crewe Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 15
    Bird - What the bloody hell is an emu? • Emu is Latin for Dinosaur Turkey • Emus are 90% barbershop hair and 10% rage • Emus travel in herds, and can decimate a Lidl in 3 minutes • The only way to stop an emu if it's attacking you is to challenge it to a game of riddles or to use holy water Lave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 16
    Siberian tiger - What the bloody hell is a tiger? A group of tigers is known as a 'nope' Tigers have been banned from the London Underground since the infamous tiger tube incident of 1964 Ironically tigers are allergic to Frosties If you scan a tiger at a supermarket checkout, it brings up the price for a punnet of apricots Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 17
    Rodent - SQUIRREL FACTS Squirrels are what happens if you cross a mouse with a feather duster. Squirrels live in trees because they can't afford to rent a flat Grey Squirrels are mostly immigrants, coming over here eating our nuts Can't rap • Hippies • Would live off benefits if they could Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 18
    Carnivore - Dave's FOX FACTS Could grow up to 6ft long if they tried harder Their mating call is similar to a parrot being hoovered Perfectly cloaked when stood next to some snow on fire Is like a dog if a dog got addicted to drugs Refuses to read braille Ignores proper recycling etiquette
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 19
    Font - What the bloody hell is a snake? . The latin word for snake is 'Serpentes' which means 'violent hose' • If you are attacked by a snake the only way to defeat it is to blow it up like a balloon • Snakes can live for ages if they don't die Nobody has been brave enough to find out if snakes are ticklish Snakes are useless at thumb wrestling Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 20
    Font - What the bloody hell is a SKUNK? • Skunks are commonly known as arse badgers. ● ● According to cartoons they are perverts. Their natural enemies are deodorant and golf clubs. We don't get arse badgers in the UK as they are allergic to tea and hate the Queen. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 21
    Dog - PUG FACTS • Unreliable taxi drivers • Laser eyes (up until 1989) • Immune to fancy dress Basically a normal dog that got shot into a wall or something • Breathe like Darth Vader ● filled with helium • Can't be trusted with money • Weird Baby pugs are called Puglets ● Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 22
    Bird - What the bloody hell is a pheasant? ● ● Some sort of wizard chicken Can't be seen from space Allergic to being underwater for 2 hours Has a beak because it would look weird with lips • Can't ride a unicycle ● • Won't even sit on the unicycle for more than 10 seconds - the git Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 23
    Rabbit - What the bloody hell is a rabbit? Rabbits belong to the 'floof' family, and are genetically similar to feather dusters. Rabbits natural predators include sheep, dragons, missiles and the moon. The French for Rabbit is 'la bouncey mouse'. No one knows why rabbits have those weird fluffy antlers on their heads. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 24
    Bird - WHAT THE BLOODY HELL EVEN IS A PIGEON The tiny eyes of a murderer Triangular gob Scarf Bruce Willis's Noggin Nipples? Creepy raptor feet Escape hatch Feathers Is this a tail or a leg?
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 25
    Plant - What the bloody hell is an armadillo? An armadillo is a hedgehog in a caravan An armadillo's skin is so thick they can't take insults to heart The collective noun for armadillos is 'a bloody load of armadillos' Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 26
    Bird - What the bloody hell is a parrot? ● Basically a dictaphone covered in feathers • Has a family history of engaging in piracy ● Natural predators include strong winds and being underwater • Can talk yet doesn't pay tax the git . Can't lift a human being into the air and believe me we've tried Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 27
    Font - Dave BADGER FACTS Badgers can jump 30ft into the air Wear masks to hide their identities from the HMRC Rubbish dancers Can literally rip off your arms with their minds Unemployed Nobody has ever been able to count how many legs they have
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 28
    Organism - What the bloody hell is an eel? Some sort of weird water hose An eel can jump 50ft out of the water if launched from a slingshot The collective noun for a group of eels is a 'sodding crikey, why am I covered in eels?' If you tie a bunch of eels into a knot you get thrown out of the aquarium Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 29
    Bird - What the bloody hell... is a Duck? Until 1995 ducks were classified as 'pond cats'. • Ducks can't go into space on their own. They have feathers because they would look ridiculous in shirts. • Duck's feet are called 'Splodgers'. • The Duck's natural enemy is explosions. Dave
    via haroldst, Dave
  • 30
    Font - What the bloody hell is a dolphin? •A dolphin is basically some sort of sea giraffe •The average dolphin eats less than 3 horses a year •Dolphins can punt a human child 2 miles using their tail The oldest dolphin ever died Dave
    via haroldst, Dave

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humor hilarious haha facts FRIDAY satire Memes lol comedy weekend funny animal memes animal memes funny funny animals animals fun facts
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