'That's a ridiculous rate': Entitled vacationing family has a meltdown over childcare costs

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 5, 2023 11:00 AM EST

This confused freelancer is unsure if they asked for way too much money to babysit their cousin's three youngsters. U/HENNYDEFN was pretty sure they weren't asking for too much money, but they checked with the r/AmItheA**hole community to be sure. 

As the OP writes, they're actually a software engineer who freelances on the side. They make between $40-$60 per hour at their official roles, but they were willing to offer a family discount when their cousin asked them to babysit. This cousin is bringing three kids on vacation with the OP. Shockingly, the cousin asked the OP to babysit her kids for the entirety of the three day vacation. It's pretty wild to assume this hardworking OP would rather spend their vacation watching three young kids. But then, when the OP tried to negotiate an hourly rate, their cousin didn't take it well. 

Next, this person made an unbelievably cringe mistake at their big interview with a company's CEO… 

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    Cheezburger Image 9740464640
    via Marko Kelecevic
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheAhole Posted by u/HENNYDEFN 3 S 5 AITA for saying my babysitting rates are $35 an hour?
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 03
    Smile - I'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. I've always been the type to have a side hustle I put a lot of my free time into; I get really bored sitting idle.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 04
    Font - My freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. So that's how I value my time.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 05
    Human body - Anyway, over Christmas vacation, I was staying at my parents house. My cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from Christmas to new year's.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 06
    Font - I'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when I had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. I wasn't in any rush; I was already ahead of schedule on them all, but I didn't really have anything else to do. It was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 07
    Font - Then my cousin and her husband asked if I could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. I said I had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 08
    Font - I said I could if they got close to my freelance rates. She wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 I didn't feel like that was right, it was high. But I didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work I had for my freelance project. I don't know a lot about kids and I've never babysat for long, and I had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 09
    Font - So I said $35, which is below what I make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum I'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. And she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that I was entitled and being selfish, that I'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 10
    Font - I said that's way below what I'd be making if I had the time to do my own work, and I'd be putting off my own work to babysit. near a Her husband then got mad at me saying that I was a 24 year old girl, that I'm d child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. And that I was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when I grew up and have kids of my own I will see how stupid I was being.
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 11
    Font - I was kind of done with being called stupid so I just told them I hoped they could find someone else. My mom thinks that I asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. AITA for giving that number?
    via u/HENNYDEFN
  • 12
    Font - Phy44 Pooperintendant [53] NTA. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? Even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. Obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.
    via u/Phy44
  • 13
    Font - [deleted] Exactly. I used to babysit (at the age of 20, not a teenager) and other girls who babysat charged $15 per hour PER CHILD. If they took their children to a daycare I believe it would be priced out the same. You don't get a bulk deal for having more kids.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 14
    Font - [deleted] Plus, there's some blatant sexism going on. You're a stupid girl for wanting to be fairly compensated when you're asked to put aside your job for three days for their convenience? You're a stupid girl for not leaping at a chance to take care of three kids for free for three days? They're nuts and don't deserve OP's generosity.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    Font - Dirigo 72 Parta ipant [2] 1 day over the holidays, I could see making a kind gesture to watch the kids at a low rate. 3 days/3 kids is a big ask, I'm not even sure I would survive.
    via u/Dirigo72
  • 16
    Font - WAT crosswatt The average hourly rate for a babysitter is $16.75 for one child and $19.26 for two kids, according to the 2019 annual study compiled by UrbanSitter. So using this model, with the $2.51 per additional kid, she'd still be at $21.77 an hour as the national average.
    via u/crosswatt
  • 17
    Font - DrFolAmour007 A Yeah at the beginning of reading the post I thought that OP was going to make her family pay for het to babysit her cousin for like a couple hours max... but three days, full time, for three kids??? wtf, that's really not ok to ask someone from your family to do it. Even if you pay them, you basically blocking three days of holiday, who should be to relax, of one of your family member so that you can go have fun! My sister is asking that often to my mom, but it's more like
    via u/DrFolAmour007
  • 18
    Font - biets Yeah this is literally a ridiculous ask of anyone let alone a cousin! I wouldn't even do this for my sister. Never devalue yourself regardless of your age. These people are the ones being entitled. Strong NTA
    via u/biets
  • 19
    Font - runthereszombies A hole Enthusiast [6] NTA. If they really wanted to go away for three days they should have arranged a sitter in advance. The husband saying you're a 24 year old girl (btw, you're a woman at 24...) and your time isn't worth anything is ridiculous considering you'd get paid $60 an hour if you don't babysit their kids. The husband sounds like a sexist d Plus you told them you wouldn't babysit if they couldn't approach your rate. You probably should have just said no from th
    via u/runthereszombies
  • 20
    Font - creepy_crust I think the husband is jealous of how much OP makes, so he's trying to make her feel shy.
    via u/creepy_crust
  • 21
    Font - [deleted] They could have hired an actual teenager and brought them along to mind the kids, even. They completely took OP for granted.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 22
    Font - Superbia18 Parta pant [1] NTA. A. If they need a babysitter that badly they should've arranged for one in advance. B. You're being asked to baby sit three kids. Three kids is a lot of work, $15 sounds kinda absurd to me. C. You have your own life and an actual job that you would be neglecting (or free lance at least) that is worth almost double that amount. D. The only offensive ones are your cousin and husband who started calling you names when you didn't bend to their will.
    via u/Superbia18
  • 23
    Font - Walkerg2011 Improper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
    via u/Walkerg2011
  • 24
    Font - 3rd Rockfrom Your Mom A freelance job is still a job. When you're a freelancer, people act like you have unlimited freedom to NOT work whenever they need you to do some shit for them. What they fail to realize is that if you don't work, you don't get paid, and if you're chronically unavailable to accept work, your client might choose someone else to do it in the future. You don't just get to take a vacation whenever you feel like it.
    via u/3rdRockfromYourMom
  • 25
    Font - [deleted] NTA. She offered to pay you, you named your price, she didn't like it. Maybe she expected a discount. I would have gone with NAH except you actually named a price that isn't outside the norm compared to the going rates in my area. The general rule used to be $15 an hour for one kid, $20 an hour for 2 kids, but she has three young ones. When I had 3 younger kids I was quoted $30 an hour.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 26
    Font - someoneelsesusername Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] ΝΤΑ If your mom and husband are so bothered by it, why arent they babysitting?
    via u/someoneelsesusername

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kids babysitting money vacation cousin side-hust pay freelance family
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