'[My boss] sent me home for being rude': Employee rejects workplace birthday party, but boss insists

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 9, 2023 5:00 PM EST

In a divisive post, one employee asked if he was actually the bad guy for spoiling his own workplace birthday party. In the r/AmItheA**hole subreddit, people usually decisively call the OP an a**hole or not. But in this case, commenters are split on the etiquette involved in this dude's scenario.

The OP wrote that he's having a rough few weeks – expensive car troubles, a pounding headache, and because he forgot to take his birthday off work, he had to go in. Once he got there, he felt depressed and wanted to just be left alone. However, his boss and coworkers had different plans. They'd planned a bit of a party for the OP, just your standard "typical corporate birthday celebrations where all of your coworkers watch you receive a cake and a card and clap for you." 

He just couldn't muster up the energy to celebrate his birthday in the office. It's the way he went about telling his boss that possibly makes the OP the a**hole here. But overall, it seems like he just didn't handle a difficult situation with enough grace for his boss. 

Next, this woman's Facebook followers were treated to an utterly insane post about her wedding woes that left her followers saying she's out of her mind. 

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  • 01
    Food - 'I really didn't want to be celebrated in any form... [My boss] got upset with me'
    via Brooke Lark
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheAs hole Posted by u/Yvaan_Avesna Parta: ipant [1] AITA for not wanting to accept my "birthday gift" from my boss?
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 03
    Font - Background info: my car has been in the shop for the last three weeks because the part that's needed to fix it isn't made anymore, and the shop owner can't find a used one under the mileage of my car. So my family and me have reached the same conclusion that my current car is a lost cause and we've been trying to find a cheap used one for me to have for work commutes.
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 04
    Font - Now to the issue: yesterday was my 29th birthday. I'd forgotten ahead of time to request the day off so I knew I was working that day in advance. I was a little irritated at my forgetfulness but whatever. A lot of what happened over the course of the day was minor but I've been dealing with newly diagnosed mental health stuff, so it kind of compounded on top of that. 1: I woke up with a throbbing sinus headache that I couldn't get rid of. 2: only three people I'm friends with even remembe
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 05
    Font - Fast forward to work, at this point I'm just straight up depressed and want to be alone. So I kinda isolate myself from my coworkers. Come break time, I'm meant to receive my "birthday gift" from my boss. It's one of those typical corporate birthday celebrations where all of your coworkers watch you receive a cake and a card and clap for you. I really didn't want to be celebrated in any form at that point and just stayed away from the break room, head on my desk, trying to think of anythi
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 06
    Font - So now I work later tonight and feel like c for not just sucking it up and receiving my cake and card, was I in the wrong? AITA for not wanting to accept my "birthday gift" from my boss?
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 07
    Font - Edit: I wasn't verbally rude to my boss. When he came to find me, I told him I was having a bad day and didn't want to be celebrated. He insisted I come because he already bought the cake and card the day before. When I again, apologized and refused, he sent me home because I was being rude.
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 08
    Font - Edit 2: the reason I'm hung up on the "only 3 people remembered my birthday thing" is due to some insecurities regarding my younger brother (27). He's always been way more outgoing and has way more friends. On his birthdays he will get tons of his friends coming to his house with gifts and offering to take him out partying. Meanwhile I can barely get three of my friends to remember to send me a birthday text. Edit 3: I'm a guy btw.
    via u/Yvaan_Avesna
  • 09
    Font - OnthelookoutNTac Certified Proctologist [24] Slight YTA - you specifically mentioned only 3 people remembering your birthday, then you snub people who want to celebrate with you. If you weren't feeling it, you should have spoken to your boss before the event.
    via u/OnthelookoutNTac
  • 10
    Font - ThrowRAfjfjfjfjj There's a difference between a corporate office party on a Wednesday morning and being celebrated by people who give a s about you Imao
    via u/ThrowRAfifififili
  • 11
    Font - Nelly_WM Parta pant [1] YTA - You complained that only three people you are friends with remembered your birthday. Your parents brought you balloons and a cupcake and I am sure others in the office noticed your receiving them. You could have "sucked it up" for the "short time" it would have taken to receive your card and cake. Reply Share 23 Yvaan_Avesna OP Parta pant [1] My parents brought them to me at my apartment, not while I was at work. 4 -4 Reply Share
    via u/Nelly_WM
  • 12
    Goggles - thea holethrowawa A hole Aficionado [11] Small YTA. You knew they had something planned. Instead of saying hey I'm not feeling it today you just hid from them hoping they would just tried to hide
    via u/thea**holethrowawa
  • 13
    Font - ThrowRAfjfjfjfjj If you're already in a sty mood, you're also not in the mood to deal with all that fallout-- ie, people will be like "oh what's wrong? Is everything okay? Want to talk about it?" And that's a lot to deal with emotionally when you're already trying to keep it together. I agree it's probably more effort to have to convince people to not celebrate when it's already set up, and it's kinda sty to let people set everything up. But be realistic with what people can handle.
    via u/ThrowRAfifififili
  • 14
    Font - Kubuubud A hole Aficionado [15] Gentle YTA You should've communicated instead of just ignoring it. You clearly knew what was going on. INFO: does this happen for everyone's birthday? Reply Share 14 Yvaan_Avesna OP Parta: ant [1] Yeah, it's one of those work type things where the manager buys a small cake and a card that says "thank you for all you do for 'blank company'." -7 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Kubuubud
  • 15
    Font - ThrowRAfjfjfjfjj NTA. If you don't want to celebrate, it's fine. You probably made things unnecessarily awkward with your coworkers, though.
    via u/ThrowRAfifififii
  • 16
    Font - thargoallmysecrets A ole Aficionado [10] YTA gently. I get being in a sty mood and dealing with depression and mental health issues. But it definitely sounds like you took out your frustrations suddenly on an innocent bystander. For the misdirected anger, YTA. You could have told your parents today wasn't the right day to discuss the car. You could have emailed your boss, even with only 15 minutes notice. As an adult you are responsible for your actions even if you are unhappy or dealing
    via u/thargoallmysecrets
  • 17
    Font - Attorney26 Parta ipant [4] YTA. Welcome to adulting; grownups leave personal issues at home. You refused to take part in a simple, harmless office tradition, simultaneously invalidating your complaint about nobody celebrating you and creating likely ongoing awkwardness at work.
    via u/Attorney26
  • 18
    Font - lAngenoire Yeah. YTA. They were doing something nice for you. When someone takes time to give you a gift you say thank you and move on. Everyone has problems every day; that doesn't mean you can't be gracious for long enough to have a piece of cake. They were trying to be kind. Learning to set problems that aren't immediately dire aside and function is something everyone has to learn. If you want to make it less awkward I'd approach your boss privately and apologize. Explain you'd had som
    via u/lAngenoire
  • 19
    Font - TheLuvBub Parta ipant [4] NTA Your livelihood and basic needs are not being met, and like you said you were having a bad day. You can't be forced to celebrate when you feel like that. I hope it all works out for you. 3 Reply Share ThrowRAfjfjfjfjj Right, like this screams peak corporate performative "we care about our employees enough to make them celebrate but not enough to pay them decent wages" bulls
    via u/TheLuvBub
  • 20
    Font - NJguy101 Parta: ipant [1] YTA Theres a lot of things in life that you have to suck up and deal with. Cake and balloons is one of the easiest. You said it yourself, should have just sucked it up.
    via u/NJguy101
  • 21
    Font - ParsimoniousSalad Sultan of Sphincter [745] YTA. Either be civil at work or tell them you have a terrible headache and ask to go home.
    via u/ParsimoniousSalad
  • 22
    Human body - Midnight7000 YTA. People like you end up ruining for everyone else.
    via u/Midnight7000
  • 23
    Font - o lujza_blaha Parta ipant [1] Soft YTA for assuming everyone understands your personal feelings. I've also been just recently diagnosed with my mental health but I'd never expect for the world to stop around me. Instead I'm working my way around obstacles (like socialising on days I'd rather not). And when I occasionally get to a breaking point, I'd rather ask for a day off, being completely honest with my boss about my mental state - that way he understands it's just better for everyone
    via u/luiza_blaha
  • 24
    Font - Once you appreciate that, you also understand it is your job to improve your situation, no one else is responsible for doing that. If you have support in doing it that's a bonus, but it is a personal journey, and you have to be consciously and actively working on it. Wish you all the strength!
    via u/luiza_blaha

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