'Don't be weak, just be a man!' : Pregnant wife unphased by husband's tears after forbidding him to attend birth of their son, tells him to ‘man up’

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Mar 23, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

Excluding a father from his son's birth may be unusual, but it is the woman's choice. It's totally normal in such a circumstance for the father to have some negative feelings about it, as it is literally depriving him of a lifelong shared memory that he would cherish. To have such obvious, blatant disdain for his misery after such a choice is just mean. There is a way to go about things, and this is not it.

A man took to the r/AITA sub after his pregnant wife scolded him heavily, telling him to 'man up'. She had forbidden him to be a part of the birth of their son, and expected him to just 'deal with it'. He was sad and voiced his concerns, but he was met with unkind, demeaning words, and a cruel attitude. Scroll down to read what went down.

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  • 01
    Rectangle - AITA for "sulking" about the fact that my wife won't let me watch my son's birth? She started scolding me, asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me to just be a man and get over myself. I feel like crying, but I don't want her to know and get mad at me again, so I told her I was going to go out for groceries. Now I am crying in my car...
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 02
    Font - Posted by u/Dear_Fox_5010 16 hours ago 2 AITA for "sulking" about the fact that my wife won't let me watch my son's birth? I, 28M, have been with the love of my life, Emily, 26F, for 7 years, married for 2. We have always talked about having kids, and I've always wanted to be there when they were born. When my dad was still alive, he used to tell me and my siblings all the time about how it literally brought him to tears (NOT a man who cries btw), and he would say he was so grateful for a
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 03
    Font - My beautiful and amazing wife is 8 months pregnant. It's been a pretty difficult pregnancy for her, well for us, but especially to her. She's had a few mi es in the past, and I've just been praying to God for both of them to make it through safely. We were talking more and more about what's going to happen when she goes into labor, and she's very adamant that I not be in the room, natural or C, no matter what. I've tried convincing, pleading, begging, but she won't change her mind. Her mo
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 04
    Font - going to be with her, and I understand that she needs her mom, and that she needs to do whatever to make sure that everything goes smoothly. I don't wanna stress her out too much because I keep telling myself all that matters is that they're both healthy, but I'm honestly really sad about not being able to be there for my son's birth.
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 05
    Font - It's not about me. I know that. All that matters is that they're both healthy. I've been trying to come to terms and understand this on my own time, so as not to bother her, but Emily's just being so condescending to me, and I know that she's just stressed out and scared, so she doesn't mean it, but I feel like I deserve to process this at least for a few days. I still do everything as I've done before, but she says that now I have this "beaten puppy dog" look on my face, and its "ping he
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 06
    Font - Then, she started scolding me asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fing man and "get the fover it." I feel like crying, but I don't want her to know, and get mad at me again, so I told her I was going out to get groceries, and am writing this in the car to try and calm myself down. I love her so much, but what she said really hit me hard. I just want them both to be healthy and safe, but I also
    via u/Dear_Fox_5010
  • 07
    Font - wtfaidhfr 15 hr. ago Pooperintendant [51] Emily's just being so condescending to me...she says that now I have this "beaten puppy dog" look on my face, and its "p ng her off." Then, she started scolding me asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fi g man and "get the f k over it." Is she always this cruel and misogynistic? ΝΤΑ. 34.8k Reply Share
    via u/wtfaidhfr
  • 08
    Organism - iNeed To LaughAtThis · 15 hr. ago Not misogynistic, straight up obsessed with toxic masculinity. Men are weak if they cry or care about seeing their child's first moments? Hell no this woman has very toxic views and op really needs to take a look if this is the kind of mindset he wants his child to be raised with. Reply Share 19.7k Alitazaria 14 hr. ago My husband regularly gets teary about our son and how much he loves him, and I find it utterly wonderful. OP's wife sucks. Reply Shar
    via u/iNeedToLaughAtThis, u/Alitazaria
  • 09
    Font - Your_Daddy_ 14 hr. ago edited 14 hr. ago Holding your baby for the first time is amazing. It would suck to be the dad, and be third in line to hold your child - after mom, grandma, then dad - maybe. I tear up often when I think of my kids, and they are adults now. Reply Share 3.6k Cynthia1453 14 hr. ago Bruh, if I were the mom I wouldn't let anyone hold the baby until after me and my husband have held it 1.8k Reply Share
    via u/Your_Daddy_, u/Cynthia1453
  • 10
    Font - Keenzur 17 hr. ago edited 17 hr. ago Partassipant [1] ΝΤΑ It's your child, too. I don't blame you one bit for being upset. You're not an AH for wanting to see the birth of your kid. if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be af ing man and "get the fuover it." Your wife is easily an AH from these sentences alone. Being pregnant doesn't give her a free pass to be verbally al 18.2k 2. Reply Share
    via u/Keenzur
  • 11
    Font - Fair_Ad2059 16 hr. ago Also concerned for the son that she has these toxic ideas as to what it means to be a "man." Will she talk to him this way, too? Reply Share 4.5k gardenZepp 15 hr. ago Hopefully he doesn't like anything "girly", or God forbid, cries! 1.2k Reply Share
    via u/Fair_Ad2059, u/gardenZepp
  • 12
    Font - Major_Barnacle_2212 Supreme Court Just ss [101] · 17 hr. ago While your wife is allowed to choose her support system in her delivery room, this stuff: Then, she started scolding me asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fing man and "get the fik over it." ..is totally uncalled for. You said that it matters to you because you care about them and the moment, which is a valid reason. And her belittli
    via u/Major_Barnacle_2212
  • 13
    Font - I can't decide if that makes you both AH's for your behavior, or gives you both a free pass, but you both need to tighten up the family unit before the baby comes. Lamp 9.1k Reply Share Revolutionary-Hat407 · 17 hr. ago · edited 14 hr. ago 100% this. OP shouldn't have continued to ask after her initial "no," but he's totally allowed to be upset. The wife's comments are really concerning, "get over it and be a man." Edit: i should have elaborated more, and I explained my perspective in con
    via u/Major_Barnacle_2212, u/Revolutionary-Hat407
  • 14
    Font - ashcann85 16 hr. ago S He is allowed to try to convince her that he can be just as supportive, if not more, than her mother can be in the delivery room. I think she is extremely selfish to leave him out of this experience. It is for both of them, just as conceiving the child was just the two of them. OP is NTA for wanting to be there or for having multiple conversations with her trying to get her to see that he can be her support in child birth too. The wife is TA for belittling her husba
    via u/ashcann85
  • 15
    Font - BM KarpGrinder 18 hr. ago ΝΤΑ. Being present for the birth is an incredibly bonding experience - and will be forever one of my most cherished memories. asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fi king man and "get the f k over it." Whoa there - these are huge red flags - and deserving of a whole heap of discussion, but to stay on topic: •Have you asked WHY she wants only her mother there with her?
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  • 16
    Font - •Have you relayed the story of your fathers reaction to being present? Does the hospital have a restriction on the number of family "visiting"? 5.0k Reply Share
    via u/KarpGrinder
  • 17
    Font - RB1327 18 hr. ago She told me I needed to just be a fu "get the fik over it." ng man and NTA. For that remark, and for her complete dismissal of your desire to be there for a life-changing event. If she didn't make her position on this clear before you started trying for a child, she's an a: le for that too. You'll get bombarded with Y.T.A here, get ready. ✩ 2.1k Reply Share
    via u/RB1327
  • 18
    Font - GoldenFrog14 - 18 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [27] NTA. Your wife has the right to say she doesn't want you there. She does not have the right to demean you so much that you are writing this crying from your car. To me, this is more about her overall response than her answer. The lack of empathy in some of these comments sucks 1.7k Reply Share
    via u/GoldenFrog14
  • 19
    Font - Demosthenes_. 16 hr. ago Certainly she has the right to exclude him, but even that is still an a hole move unless this was discussed before the pregnancy or there is some actual reason. Excluding the father is unusual. OP is being deprived of a lifelong memory of his child's birth and is now probably going to have some negative feelings around it. 280 Reply Share
    via u/Demosthenes_
  • 20
    Font - Fantastic-Focus-7056 18 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [25] NTA Her request to not have you in the room is one thing (although I always find it weird in a healthy, loving relationship but whatever) but how she is treating you now is really the problem and makes her TA. why it mattered so much to me, Because it is literally one of the most important moments of your life?! It would be much more concerning if it didn't matter to you one bit.
    via u/Fantastic-Focus-7056
  • 21
    Font - and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a fing man and "get the fɩk over it." ed up She also seems to have some seriously f ideas about what it means to be a man... I hope she won't push these outdated views on your future son. Is she going to tell him to be a man and get over it when he cries as well? Because that is seriously fed up in my opinion. If nothing else, this is a conversation that desperately needs to happen. 1.6k Reply Share
    via u/Fantastic-Focus-7056

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