'I comforted her’: Mother defends her teenager from father’s comments

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 23, 2023 10:00 AM EDT

Growing up with divorced parents sucks. Obviously when mom and dad split up, it was because of some unresolved conflict– or 'beef' as they say– that forced their hand on ending their marriage. When you have kiddos thrown into the mix, things can get messy. One woman with a teenaged daughter, u/thora2762, noticed very early that her then-husband, Brian, was losing interest in their daughter. He started dropping the ball on parenting responsibilities, no-showing school pickups, and generally being a terrible parent when Sam was only 4 years old. After a while, Thora divorced him– with good reason. 

Fast forward 10 years and now Sam is a teenaged field hockey super star, representing her age bracket for the national team of women's field hockey. To celebrate one of their big games, Thora, Sam, Brian, and Sam's grandparents went out for a celebratory lunch to hoot and holler over Sam's victory. But Brian wasn't in a cheerful mood. 

He showed up 45 minutes late (with no apology) and almost immediately started insulting Sam. She 'only scored one goal' the entire game, so Brian was acting as if it wasn't enough of a show on her part. Even though they were literally having a lunch to celebrate the 14 year old girl, her dad had other plans to basically just be a huge jerk instead. Sam burst into tears and ran to the bathroom to cry.

That's when Thora lost it. 

Being a protective mom and knowing that Brian was the type of dad to avoid child support then buy Sam expensive gifts instead, she raced after Sam and gave her an out, offering to leave the lunch early. On their way out and as they grabbed their bags, Thora reamed Brian for being the biggest loser at the table and a deadbeat dad, telling him off publicly in front of the whole restaurant. Brain naturally had a huge tantrum and left in a huff. 

Thora apologized to the grandparents for the scene and left cash on the table to cover the bill as they scooted away, but the grandparents came after her later that day, claiming that she had no reason to cause a scene in public. Fortunately, Reddit sides with Thora on this one, claiming that Brian absolutely had that public shame coming for him and we're all glad that Thora defended her daughter so ferociously.

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  • 02
    Font - Posted by u/throra2762 8 hours ago AITA for calling my ex a deadbeat in front of his family?
    via thora2762
  • 03
    Font - I41f have a daughter, Sam 14f with my ex husband Brian 44m. We divorced when she was 4. Brian made a real effort to be a good father for the first couple of years after our divorce. But then pretty much overnight he seemed to lose interest in her.
    via thora2762
  • 04
    Font - He stopped coming to parent teacher nights, never came to any of her sports games and stopped asking about them, refused to pay child support (which I eventually stopped asking for, I have a well paying job), would forget to pick Sam up on days he said he would, stop asking to see her at holidays. On the rare occasions he remembered to pick her up he would try and smooth everything over by buying her expensive gifts and it worked for a really long time but it's started to wear off now and
    via thora2762
  • 05
    Font - Sam has maintained a very close relationship with her paternal grandparents. Sam is a very accomplished field hockey player and represented our country internationally recently and it's likely that she will be on the world championship team later this year. We returned 2 days ago and yesterday her grandparents wanted to take her and the rest of the family to lunch to celebrate.
    via thora2762
  • 06
    Font - Brain showed up 45 minutes late, didn't apologise. His parents were surprised, and told him to behave. As Sam was recounting her time and summaries of the matches to her grandparents Brain interjected and belittled her performance because she 'only' scored 1 goal. Sam burst into tears and ran to the bathroom.
    via thora2762
  • 07
    Font - I comforted her and she asked if we could go home, I agreed and told her to wait in the car while I got our stuff. When I returned to the table, Brain was defending himself against his parents and I snapped. I told him he was a deadbeat and recounted all of the things mentioned above and that I wouldn't be surprised if Sam cuts him loose one day.
    via thora2762
  • 08
    Font - Our daughter is wonderful and does not deserve to be treated like this. His parents seemed shocked as he clearly had given them the impression he's a good father. He threw a tantrum and stormed out. I apologised and left money for half the check with his parents.
    via thora2762
  • 09
    Font - Since then Brain has sent me several messages, and his parents texted to say they don't appreciate the scene I caused in the restaurant. I don't think I did anything wrong but my parents agree with them, so maybe I did. AITA?
    via thora2762
  • 10
    Font - . Jeffrey_Friedl 8 hr. ago 1 You shouldn't have made a scene in the restaurant BECAUSE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE CREATED THE SITUATION. So much NTA.
    via Jeffery_friedl
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    Font - oliviamrow 5 hr. ago I also OP go for the child support. remember, it's not for you, it's for sam - that's money that can help her someday. if you/she don't need it now, put it in savings for later.
    via oliviamrow
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    Organism - InvestigatorSoft3569 10 min. ago NTA. Perhaps respond to his parents and express how you don't appreciate the type of man they brought their poor excuse of a son up to be. Keep protecting your daughter.
    via InvestigatorSoft3569
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    Font - G_Felix 3 hr. ago . He's doing the classic deadbeat dad move: not paying child support while buying expensive gifts for the child. He's trying to get the child to think that he's spending so much on his child while the mother is the one who is actually supporting the child with all the day to day living expenses.
    via G_Felix
  • 14
    Human body - HarleyHix 4 hr. ago Yes, it's her money not yours, OP. Fight for what's hers.
    via HarleyHix
  • 15
    Font - Ok-Organization-2767 - 4 hr. ago Partassipant [1] Its really sad they are more concerned about a scene than grandchild feelings
    via Ok-Organization-2767
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    Font - Inevitable_Block_1444 hr. ago Partassipant [1] Exactly. I think it's pretty crazy to push people to their limits and then complain they're AH because they caused a scene, or yelled or just lost their minds. Don't push the button if you don't want to see a reaction
    via Inevitable_block_144
  • 17
    Font - MizPeachyKeen 2 hr. ago TAKE MY UPVOTE PLEASE! +++ Grandparents deserve a full explanation, not an apology. OP is NTA
    via MizPeachyKeen
  • 18
    Font - Side Trakd 3 hr. ago It sounds to me like the grandparents don't have a full understanding of the situation. Not really... They are just from a generation that doesn't like public spectacles. Airing dirty laundry out in public is considered extremely bad taste, which is likely why OP's own parents agreed with them. They were probably also caught off guard by the new information they learned about their son.
    via SideTrakd
  • 19
    Font - Fearless-Golf-8496 - 3 hr. ago 1 1 The parents of Mr. Absent Father have obviously only been getting his side of the story, and swallowing it whole, to the extent that they're having a go at OP for 'making a scene' even though their own beloved son had a tantrum in front of them.
    via Fearless-Golf-8496
  • 20
    Rectangle - Dlraetz1 3 hr. ago . id probably do the non apology. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, but Brian was completely out of line in how he was treating our daughter. put bluntly, he's a bad father and I needed to stand up for my daughter
    via Dlraetz1

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Tags

causing-a-scene deadbeat drama public freakout mother teenagers bad parenting parenting deadbeat dad scene shame dad family grandparents public-shame parent Father
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